if you were a pokémon (i'd choose you)
Pairing: baekyeol
Rating: PG-13
Genre: pokémon!au, humor, crack
Summary: Chanyeol wants to be the very best, like no one ever was
“You’re 23 years old and you still live at home!” Chanyeol’s mom cries.
“But-”
“Your older sister is already the gym leader of Saffron City! But you, all you do is get on your laptop and scratch your balls!” she continues.
“Mom, I-”
“Chanyeol, it’s time to get off your ass. Don’t come back home until you’re a Pokémon champion,” she says and then adds as an afterthought, “Or if you bring me grandchildren.”
She swats Chanyeol with her slipper, and he’s helpless against her attacks as she all but shoves him out of the house. He lands on their front doorstep with a thud and nothing but the clothes on his back. When he turns back to the front door, he sees his mom standing in the doorway, tossing him a pair of white sneakers.
“Here are some running shoes. They’ll help you get around more quickly. Just hold the B button,” she says before slamming the door in his face.
“B button?” Chanyeol echoes.
Well, he has nothing else to do before his favorite drama is on tonight, so he slips on the running shoes and begins his Pokémon journey.
Chanyeol runs all the way to Professor Kim’s lab. To be a Pokémon champion, he’ll need a Pokémon. Most kids start their journey at the age of 10, but Chanyeol’s mom kept him at home and made him finish school, which wasn’t too bad until Chanyeol continued to stay at home even after he graduated Pallet Town High and mooch off of his mom’s wi-fi.
Chanyeol’s mom must have called Professor Kim earlier that morning because Professor Kim all but jumps on him and barrages him with questions upon his arrival.
“Are you a boy or a girl?” Professor Kim demands.
“Uh, boy?”
“What’s your name?”
“It’s Chanyeol, but Professor Kim, you’ve known me for-”
“What’s your rival’s name?” Professor Kim squints his eyes.
“I don’t really have a rival? I do know an asshole named Oh Sehun, but he-”
Professor Joonmyun waves his hand. “Yeah, yeah, I get it already. Go pick a Pokémon or whatever.”
Chanyeol turns to the display in the center of the lab, which holds three pokéballs: Charmander, the fire type; Squirtle, the water type; and Bulbasaur, the grass type. He’s been thinking about this decision for a while. His starter Pokémon is important because they’ll form a special bond between a master and a pet that’s forced to battle other pets until one of them faints.
In order to be a champion and allowed to go back home, Chanyeol will have to earn eight gym badges, beat the Elite Four, and defeat the current champion. If he picks a water or grass type, then it’ll be easier to beat the first gym leader Do Kyungsoo, who specializes in rock type Pokémon.
But Chanyeol has been fascinated with fire ever since he microwaved a foil ball when he was 4 and his mom had to rebuild the entire kitchen, which is why he chooses...
“Charmander, come on out!” Chanyeol yells, picking up the pokéball and throwing it on the ground.
The ball slams on the tile, cracks, and rolls uselessly on the floor. Professor Kim pales.
“Um, was I a little too rough?” Chanyeol says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
Professor Kim sputters. “Chanyeol, nothing about you is little.”
A mangled Charmander crawls out of the pokéball and lets out a pathetic, “Char!”
“Huh,” Chanyeol says, not one bit impressed. “So this is my starter Pokémon? It looks kind of... weak.”
Professor pokes Chanyeol in the chest. “That’s because you have to train it. That’s the point of the game.”
Although the Charmander’s fiery tail heats up the room and makes his balls sweaty, Chanyeol feels a chill ghosting the back of his neck. That can only mean one thing, which fills him with dread.
“Yo, Gramps!” Sehun says, bursting into the lab.
Sehun struts in like he owns the place, slaps Professor Kim on the ass, and turns to Chanyeol.
“I see you came to get your starter Pokémon, a... Charmander?” Sehun says.
He snickers at the Pokémon, which keeps chasing its own tail and burning itself whenever it succeeds. Chanyeol, however, lets out a sigh of relief since his Charmander looks livelier than it was earlier. It’s already been 10 minutes, and he’s managed to not kill the poor creature.
“Yeah, so why are you here?” Chanyeol asks.
Smirking, Sehun makes this ridiculous pose with his fist tucked under his chin and his other hand pointing in Chanyeol’s direction. Ugh, this isn’t a magical girl anime.
“I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!” Sehun declares.
Professor Kim frowns. “Not in my lab.”
A cut-scene later, they are relocated outside, and Sehun assumes his magical girl pose again.
“I challenge you to a Pokémon battle! Go, Pidgey!” Sehun says, throwing his Pokéball.
A squawking, flying type Pokémon emerges. It turns to Sehun and tries to peck his eye out. Yelping, Sehun shields himself with his shoujo anime arms.
“No, not me! Attack the giant with the bowed legs!” Sehun says.
The Pidgey stops its advancement and peeks over to look at Chanyeol. He waves.
Since Chanyeol hasn’t figured out how to cram his Charmander back inside the pokéball, it’s been tailing him and gnawing his leg affectionately. Chanyeol picks up the Pokémon and hurls it straight at the Pidgey.
“Charmander, I choose you!” he yells.
The Charmander and Pidgey collide, landing in a heap on the ground. When neither of their Pokémon so much as twitch, Sehun stares at Chanyeol, mouth hanging open.
“That isn’t how you battle with Pokémon, Chanyeol,” Sehun manages to sputter.
Chanyeol stares at the piece of spinach wedged between Sehun’s front teeth. “Hey, um, Sehun, you got a little something-”
He’s interrupted by SNSD music playing in the background.
An unknown (but pretty cute) boy with hips that don’t lie and a silver jumpsuit embroidered with a giant ‘E’ crashes in. “Heeeeere comes trouuuubbbleeee!”
“Make it double!” a second unknown boy in a matching jumpsuit adds.
“To protect the world from devastation!”
“To unite all peoples within our nation!”
“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”
“To extend our reach to the stars above!”
The boy with the nice hips flashes a peace sign. “Baekhyun!”
The other boy flips his hair. “Jongdae!”
“Team EXO blasts off at the speed of light!”
“Surrender now or prepare to fight!”
A completely irrelevant third wheel pops out. “Zitao, that’s right!”
Chanyeol ignores the newcomers and motions his teeth at Sehun. “Anyway, I was trying to tell you that you have a piece of-”
“Hey, you!” Baekhyun says, pointing at Chanyeol. “Hand over your Charmander to Team EXO!”
“We’re going to give your Pokémon as a present to the boss!” Jongdae says.
“And then the boss’ll give us a promotion!” Zitao adds.
“-spinach stuck between your two front teeth,” Chanyeol says.
“I do?” Sehun says. “Ugh, that’s embarrassing.”
Sehun licks his teeth and flashes them at Chanyeol. “Is it gone?”
“No, try a little more to the left,” Chanyeol says.
Sehun contorts his face into a weird expression while he keeps licking at his teeth.
“Um, hello? We’re going to steal your Pokémon? And you’re ignoring us? Aren’t you a little concerned?” Baekhyun huffs.
Once Sehun successfully cleans the spinach off of his teeth, Chanyeol turns to Team EXO. “Who are you again?”
Baekhyun stamps his foot. “Team EXO! Did you not catch our rhyming motto that we recite every episode?”
“Sorry,” Sehun says. “I was distracting him.”
“Apology not accepted,” Baekhyun sniffs.
Chanyeol frowns, kind of feeling like a jerk now. Ignoring their guests is pretty rude, he has to admit. He scratches the back of his head as he tries to think of a solution to remedy this.
“How about I treat you to dinner to make up for it?” Chanyeol says.
Jongdae turns his nose up to the air. “We came here for your Pokémon, not for you.”
Baekhyun squints at Chanyeol. “Dinner where?”
“I know this Italian place with amazing breadsticks,” Chanyeol says.
“Baekhyun!” Jongdae snaps.
“Breadsticks!” Baekhyun snaps back.
“Zitao, can you please knock some sense into Baekhyun?” Jongdae rolls his eyes.
When he realizes that Zitao is too busy clinging to Sehun to take orders, Jongdae blanches. Oblivious to the situation, Zitao takes out his smartphone and tells Sehun to take a Meipai video of him strutting around and making angry sex faces.
When Jongdae turns back to his other Team EXO member, he throws a fit because Baekhyun and Chanyeol are giggling and poking each other’s bellies.
“Am I the fifth wheel here?” Jongdae mumbles.
Chanyeol points his thumb in the direction of the lab. “You can hook up with Professor Kim, if you want. It’s been a while since he’s been laid.”
“Fine,” Jongdae says, “but only because I want to conveniently tie up all the loose ends of the episode.”
Chanyeol grins now that everyone is satisfied. Scooping up his Charmander in his arms, he kisses the top of its head and turns to Baekhyun.
“Can we stop by the PokéCenter first? I need to heal my Pokémon,” Chanyeol says.
Baekhyun chirps that he’s fine with it, so they leave their friends to head down the path to the PokéCenter. Chanyeol listens to Baekhyun explain why he joined Team EXO (“They have a great dental plan.”) and talk about his hometown Vermilion City (“You would like it, Chanyeol. If you ever visit, swing by my house so I can take you to the S.S. Anne. They serve fresh Goldeen eggs on board.”) and flirt like crazy (“Do you have a Ditto in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants!”). As they walk, Chanyeol finds that he likes the way Baekhyun laughs. And he laughs along too.
“I got kicked out of the house,” Chanyeol admits. “My mom got mad because I kept burning through the wi-fi.”
Baekhyun pats his shoulder in consolation. “Is your name wi-fi? Because I’m really feeling a connection.”
Chanyeol can’t help but laugh until his bellybutton hurts. Baekhyun is... Baekhyun is like drinking punch spiked with hyper potion.
When they finally arrive at the PokéCenter, Nurse Yixing greets them and immediately takes the Charmander out of Chanyeol’s arms.
“What have you done to the poor thing?” Nurse Yixing gasps.
Chanyeol swallows. “Um.”
“Never mind, I have to get it to intensive care ASAP,” Nurse Yixing says before running off.
This leaves Chanyeol and Baekhyun alone in the waiting room. They’re surrounded by out-of-date magazines and drug brochures, and they have nothing to do. Ugh, the doctor’s office is the worst, and Chanyeol honestly has no idea what takes them so long. They probably play a round of Jenga between every patient visit. It’s a good thing that he has Baekhyun to keep him company.
“And then Zitao got so drunk that he stripped and declared he was a Lickitung and slobbered everywhere!” Baekhyun continues with his story.
“No way,” Chanyeol laughs, imagining Zitao licking Baekhyun’s cheeks and feeling a little grossed out (and maybe more than a little jealous).
Baekhyun nods. “Yeah, and I got pics. Golden blackmail material.”
They keep trading wild stories until Yixing emerges from the intensive care unit with Chanyeol’s new and improved Charmander.
“This is a Pokémon, not a toy. Treat it with more care,” Yixing says, handing over the Charmander. “If you do, then you’ll build trust between each other and become a stronger pair.”
Chanyeol salutes. ”Aye, aye, captain!”
“I can’t here you~,” Baekhyun says.
“Aye, aye, captain!” Chanyeol says louder.
“I mean it!” Yixing calls after Baekhyun and Chanyeol as they burst out of the PokéCenter, laughing all the way to the Italian restaurant.
It’s located in Viridian City, which is the next town over. To get there, they have to walk through some tall grass infested with wild Caterpies and Ratatas. After its visit at the PokéCenter, Charmander is rejuvenated and executes super effective attacks against the wild Pokémon, which makes Chanyeol beam in pride.
Baekhyun also calls out his Pokémon, a positively pink Jigglypuff. But when the Jigglypuff starts singing, everyone within a 10-meter radius drifts off to sleep. Overcome with drowsiness, Chanyeol finds himself nodding off and dreaming of Baekhyun’s pokéballs.
He wakes up to Baekhyun calling out his name. Groggy and disoriented, Chanyeol sees Baekhyun hovering over him, gently nudging his shoulder. Chanyeol lets out a deep-throated laugh.
“Your face!” Chanyeol wheezes. “You have a handlebar mustache drawn on it!”
Baekhyun huffs. “Well, it looks better than the monocle and unibrow drawn on yours!”
They both grin, oblivious to Baekhyun’s Jigglypuff doodling penises on Charmander’s sleeping face.
After washing off the marker, it only takes a few minutes to find their way out of the tall grass and enter Viridian City. It’s less of a dump than Pallet Town, and it has the best (and only) Italian restaurant in the Kanto region. They leave their Pokémon at the Day Care Center run by a nice old man who smells like Grimer.
Baekhyun looks impressed when the Italian restaurant’s hostess quickly seats them at a private table. The scent of fresh breadsticks wafts from the bread basket already sitting on the table, and Chanyeol’s mouth waters.
Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows. “Se ti dicessi che hai un bel corpo, lo stringeresti sul mio?”
Chanyeol squints. “Did you just flirt with me in Italian?”
“I’m fluent in cheesy pick-up lines,” Baekhyun says, flipping his hair.
“Then we should keep that mouth of yours busy.”
Grinning, Chanyeol takes a breadstick, tears a chunk off of it, and pops it in Baekhyun’s mouth. Baekhyun closes his eyes, savoring the taste. He groans as he chews.
“Good?” Chanyeol asks.
Baekhyun nods and opens his mouth for more. And Chanyeol obliges, tearing off another breadstick chunk and feeding him. When the server comes, they order fettuccine alfredo with grilled Farfetch’d and cheesy ravioli stuffed with steamed Krabby.
In between gulps of breadstick and pasta, Baekhyun launches into a story of this one time he saw a ghost in Lavender Town and nearly shit his pants.
“The entire town is haunted!” Baekhyun declares.
Chanyeol can’t keep his eyes off of Baekhyun as he starts talking about his adventures in Mt. Moon and Victory Road. Since Chanyeol has never left his little slice of home, he finds Baekhyun’s vivid descriptions of Cinnabar Island’s rocky shores and Cerulean City’s thriving marine life fascinating. In a way, he’s glad that his mom kicked him out, so now he can see the world, just like Baekhyun.
“But my favorite place in the region has to be Celadon City! It has the biggest mall ever,” Baekhyun says, eyes lighting up. “I bought the cutest matching onesies for Jigglypuff and me.”
As he twirls his pasta, Chanyeol says, “You have to take me to the best clubs in Fuchsia City. I heard the nightlife there is crazy.”
“Of course!” Baekhyun says, grinning.
Dinner seems to end too quickly, and they find themselves back at the Day Care Center to pick up their Pokémon. Chanyeol doesn’t really want to say goodbye to Baekhyun, but Chanyeol has to become a Pokémon champion and Baekhyun has to return to Team EXO. But he has a feeling their paths will cross one day, especially when Baekhyun promises to capture Chanyeol’s Charmander because-no hard feelings-he wants to give it to Team EXO’s boss so he can get a promotion.
The man at the Day Care Center beams at their arrival.
“Congratulations!” he says, handing a large spotted egg to Baekhyun. “Your Pokémon have successfully mated!”
Eyes wide, Chanyeol and Baekhyun gawk at the egg.
Chanyeol makes an unattractive squawking noise. “So my Charmander is a daddy? And your Jigglypuff is a mommy?”
“My Jigglypuff is a male,” Baekhyun says, correcting him.
Chanyeol gapes at his Charmander. “You’re a girl Charmander? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Char!” Charmander explains.
Chanyeol nods in understanding. No hard feelings. Hakuna matata.
“Huh, so I guess we better stick together,” Baekhyun says, grinning, “for the sake of the baby.”
“I guess you’re right,” Chanyeol says, grinning back.
And he can’t wait for his Pokémon journey to begin.
A/N: Chanyeol, your mom said you can come back home if you bring her grandchildren. If you recognize all of the references from the games and the anime, then congratulations you are a pokénerd!
This fic is a gift for Hannie, who deserves much more than my self-indulgent crack. Thanks for treating me well and putting up with me haha! <3
Rating: PG-13
Genre: pokémon!au, humor, crack
Summary: Chanyeol wants to be the very best, like no one ever was
“You’re 23 years old and you still live at home!” Chanyeol’s mom cries.
“But-”
“Your older sister is already the gym leader of Saffron City! But you, all you do is get on your laptop and scratch your balls!” she continues.
“Mom, I-”
“Chanyeol, it’s time to get off your ass. Don’t come back home until you’re a Pokémon champion,” she says and then adds as an afterthought, “Or if you bring me grandchildren.”
She swats Chanyeol with her slipper, and he’s helpless against her attacks as she all but shoves him out of the house. He lands on their front doorstep with a thud and nothing but the clothes on his back. When he turns back to the front door, he sees his mom standing in the doorway, tossing him a pair of white sneakers.
“Here are some running shoes. They’ll help you get around more quickly. Just hold the B button,” she says before slamming the door in his face.
“B button?” Chanyeol echoes.
Well, he has nothing else to do before his favorite drama is on tonight, so he slips on the running shoes and begins his Pokémon journey.
Chanyeol runs all the way to Professor Kim’s lab. To be a Pokémon champion, he’ll need a Pokémon. Most kids start their journey at the age of 10, but Chanyeol’s mom kept him at home and made him finish school, which wasn’t too bad until Chanyeol continued to stay at home even after he graduated Pallet Town High and mooch off of his mom’s wi-fi.
Chanyeol’s mom must have called Professor Kim earlier that morning because Professor Kim all but jumps on him and barrages him with questions upon his arrival.
“Are you a boy or a girl?” Professor Kim demands.
“Uh, boy?”
“What’s your name?”
“It’s Chanyeol, but Professor Kim, you’ve known me for-”
“What’s your rival’s name?” Professor Kim squints his eyes.
“I don’t really have a rival? I do know an asshole named Oh Sehun, but he-”
Professor Joonmyun waves his hand. “Yeah, yeah, I get it already. Go pick a Pokémon or whatever.”
Chanyeol turns to the display in the center of the lab, which holds three pokéballs: Charmander, the fire type; Squirtle, the water type; and Bulbasaur, the grass type. He’s been thinking about this decision for a while. His starter Pokémon is important because they’ll form a special bond between a master and a pet that’s forced to battle other pets until one of them faints.
In order to be a champion and allowed to go back home, Chanyeol will have to earn eight gym badges, beat the Elite Four, and defeat the current champion. If he picks a water or grass type, then it’ll be easier to beat the first gym leader Do Kyungsoo, who specializes in rock type Pokémon.
But Chanyeol has been fascinated with fire ever since he microwaved a foil ball when he was 4 and his mom had to rebuild the entire kitchen, which is why he chooses...
“Charmander, come on out!” Chanyeol yells, picking up the pokéball and throwing it on the ground.
The ball slams on the tile, cracks, and rolls uselessly on the floor. Professor Kim pales.
“Um, was I a little too rough?” Chanyeol says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
Professor Kim sputters. “Chanyeol, nothing about you is little.”
A mangled Charmander crawls out of the pokéball and lets out a pathetic, “Char!”
“Huh,” Chanyeol says, not one bit impressed. “So this is my starter Pokémon? It looks kind of... weak.”
Professor pokes Chanyeol in the chest. “That’s because you have to train it. That’s the point of the game.”
Although the Charmander’s fiery tail heats up the room and makes his balls sweaty, Chanyeol feels a chill ghosting the back of his neck. That can only mean one thing, which fills him with dread.
“Yo, Gramps!” Sehun says, bursting into the lab.
Sehun struts in like he owns the place, slaps Professor Kim on the ass, and turns to Chanyeol.
“I see you came to get your starter Pokémon, a... Charmander?” Sehun says.
He snickers at the Pokémon, which keeps chasing its own tail and burning itself whenever it succeeds. Chanyeol, however, lets out a sigh of relief since his Charmander looks livelier than it was earlier. It’s already been 10 minutes, and he’s managed to not kill the poor creature.
“Yeah, so why are you here?” Chanyeol asks.
Smirking, Sehun makes this ridiculous pose with his fist tucked under his chin and his other hand pointing in Chanyeol’s direction. Ugh, this isn’t a magical girl anime.
“I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!” Sehun declares.
Professor Kim frowns. “Not in my lab.”
A cut-scene later, they are relocated outside, and Sehun assumes his magical girl pose again.
“I challenge you to a Pokémon battle! Go, Pidgey!” Sehun says, throwing his Pokéball.
A squawking, flying type Pokémon emerges. It turns to Sehun and tries to peck his eye out. Yelping, Sehun shields himself with his shoujo anime arms.
“No, not me! Attack the giant with the bowed legs!” Sehun says.
The Pidgey stops its advancement and peeks over to look at Chanyeol. He waves.
Since Chanyeol hasn’t figured out how to cram his Charmander back inside the pokéball, it’s been tailing him and gnawing his leg affectionately. Chanyeol picks up the Pokémon and hurls it straight at the Pidgey.
“Charmander, I choose you!” he yells.
The Charmander and Pidgey collide, landing in a heap on the ground. When neither of their Pokémon so much as twitch, Sehun stares at Chanyeol, mouth hanging open.
“That isn’t how you battle with Pokémon, Chanyeol,” Sehun manages to sputter.
Chanyeol stares at the piece of spinach wedged between Sehun’s front teeth. “Hey, um, Sehun, you got a little something-”
He’s interrupted by SNSD music playing in the background.
An unknown (but pretty cute) boy with hips that don’t lie and a silver jumpsuit embroidered with a giant ‘E’ crashes in. “Heeeeere comes trouuuubbbleeee!”
“Make it double!” a second unknown boy in a matching jumpsuit adds.
“To protect the world from devastation!”
“To unite all peoples within our nation!”
“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”
“To extend our reach to the stars above!”
The boy with the nice hips flashes a peace sign. “Baekhyun!”
The other boy flips his hair. “Jongdae!”
“Team EXO blasts off at the speed of light!”
“Surrender now or prepare to fight!”
A completely irrelevant third wheel pops out. “Zitao, that’s right!”
Chanyeol ignores the newcomers and motions his teeth at Sehun. “Anyway, I was trying to tell you that you have a piece of-”
“Hey, you!” Baekhyun says, pointing at Chanyeol. “Hand over your Charmander to Team EXO!”
“We’re going to give your Pokémon as a present to the boss!” Jongdae says.
“And then the boss’ll give us a promotion!” Zitao adds.
“-spinach stuck between your two front teeth,” Chanyeol says.
“I do?” Sehun says. “Ugh, that’s embarrassing.”
Sehun licks his teeth and flashes them at Chanyeol. “Is it gone?”
“No, try a little more to the left,” Chanyeol says.
Sehun contorts his face into a weird expression while he keeps licking at his teeth.
“Um, hello? We’re going to steal your Pokémon? And you’re ignoring us? Aren’t you a little concerned?” Baekhyun huffs.
Once Sehun successfully cleans the spinach off of his teeth, Chanyeol turns to Team EXO. “Who are you again?”
Baekhyun stamps his foot. “Team EXO! Did you not catch our rhyming motto that we recite every episode?”
“Sorry,” Sehun says. “I was distracting him.”
“Apology not accepted,” Baekhyun sniffs.
Chanyeol frowns, kind of feeling like a jerk now. Ignoring their guests is pretty rude, he has to admit. He scratches the back of his head as he tries to think of a solution to remedy this.
“How about I treat you to dinner to make up for it?” Chanyeol says.
Jongdae turns his nose up to the air. “We came here for your Pokémon, not for you.”
Baekhyun squints at Chanyeol. “Dinner where?”
“I know this Italian place with amazing breadsticks,” Chanyeol says.
“Baekhyun!” Jongdae snaps.
“Breadsticks!” Baekhyun snaps back.
“Zitao, can you please knock some sense into Baekhyun?” Jongdae rolls his eyes.
When he realizes that Zitao is too busy clinging to Sehun to take orders, Jongdae blanches. Oblivious to the situation, Zitao takes out his smartphone and tells Sehun to take a Meipai video of him strutting around and making angry sex faces.
When Jongdae turns back to his other Team EXO member, he throws a fit because Baekhyun and Chanyeol are giggling and poking each other’s bellies.
“Am I the fifth wheel here?” Jongdae mumbles.
Chanyeol points his thumb in the direction of the lab. “You can hook up with Professor Kim, if you want. It’s been a while since he’s been laid.”
“Fine,” Jongdae says, “but only because I want to conveniently tie up all the loose ends of the episode.”
Chanyeol grins now that everyone is satisfied. Scooping up his Charmander in his arms, he kisses the top of its head and turns to Baekhyun.
“Can we stop by the PokéCenter first? I need to heal my Pokémon,” Chanyeol says.
Baekhyun chirps that he’s fine with it, so they leave their friends to head down the path to the PokéCenter. Chanyeol listens to Baekhyun explain why he joined Team EXO (“They have a great dental plan.”) and talk about his hometown Vermilion City (“You would like it, Chanyeol. If you ever visit, swing by my house so I can take you to the S.S. Anne. They serve fresh Goldeen eggs on board.”) and flirt like crazy (“Do you have a Ditto in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants!”). As they walk, Chanyeol finds that he likes the way Baekhyun laughs. And he laughs along too.
“I got kicked out of the house,” Chanyeol admits. “My mom got mad because I kept burning through the wi-fi.”
Baekhyun pats his shoulder in consolation. “Is your name wi-fi? Because I’m really feeling a connection.”
Chanyeol can’t help but laugh until his bellybutton hurts. Baekhyun is... Baekhyun is like drinking punch spiked with hyper potion.
When they finally arrive at the PokéCenter, Nurse Yixing greets them and immediately takes the Charmander out of Chanyeol’s arms.
“What have you done to the poor thing?” Nurse Yixing gasps.
Chanyeol swallows. “Um.”
“Never mind, I have to get it to intensive care ASAP,” Nurse Yixing says before running off.
This leaves Chanyeol and Baekhyun alone in the waiting room. They’re surrounded by out-of-date magazines and drug brochures, and they have nothing to do. Ugh, the doctor’s office is the worst, and Chanyeol honestly has no idea what takes them so long. They probably play a round of Jenga between every patient visit. It’s a good thing that he has Baekhyun to keep him company.
“And then Zitao got so drunk that he stripped and declared he was a Lickitung and slobbered everywhere!” Baekhyun continues with his story.
“No way,” Chanyeol laughs, imagining Zitao licking Baekhyun’s cheeks and feeling a little grossed out (and maybe more than a little jealous).
Baekhyun nods. “Yeah, and I got pics. Golden blackmail material.”
They keep trading wild stories until Yixing emerges from the intensive care unit with Chanyeol’s new and improved Charmander.
“This is a Pokémon, not a toy. Treat it with more care,” Yixing says, handing over the Charmander. “If you do, then you’ll build trust between each other and become a stronger pair.”
Chanyeol salutes. ”Aye, aye, captain!”
“I can’t here you~,” Baekhyun says.
“Aye, aye, captain!” Chanyeol says louder.
“I mean it!” Yixing calls after Baekhyun and Chanyeol as they burst out of the PokéCenter, laughing all the way to the Italian restaurant.
It’s located in Viridian City, which is the next town over. To get there, they have to walk through some tall grass infested with wild Caterpies and Ratatas. After its visit at the PokéCenter, Charmander is rejuvenated and executes super effective attacks against the wild Pokémon, which makes Chanyeol beam in pride.
Baekhyun also calls out his Pokémon, a positively pink Jigglypuff. But when the Jigglypuff starts singing, everyone within a 10-meter radius drifts off to sleep. Overcome with drowsiness, Chanyeol finds himself nodding off and dreaming of Baekhyun’s pokéballs.
He wakes up to Baekhyun calling out his name. Groggy and disoriented, Chanyeol sees Baekhyun hovering over him, gently nudging his shoulder. Chanyeol lets out a deep-throated laugh.
“Your face!” Chanyeol wheezes. “You have a handlebar mustache drawn on it!”
Baekhyun huffs. “Well, it looks better than the monocle and unibrow drawn on yours!”
They both grin, oblivious to Baekhyun’s Jigglypuff doodling penises on Charmander’s sleeping face.
After washing off the marker, it only takes a few minutes to find their way out of the tall grass and enter Viridian City. It’s less of a dump than Pallet Town, and it has the best (and only) Italian restaurant in the Kanto region. They leave their Pokémon at the Day Care Center run by a nice old man who smells like Grimer.
Baekhyun looks impressed when the Italian restaurant’s hostess quickly seats them at a private table. The scent of fresh breadsticks wafts from the bread basket already sitting on the table, and Chanyeol’s mouth waters.
Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows. “Se ti dicessi che hai un bel corpo, lo stringeresti sul mio?”
Chanyeol squints. “Did you just flirt with me in Italian?”
“I’m fluent in cheesy pick-up lines,” Baekhyun says, flipping his hair.
“Then we should keep that mouth of yours busy.”
Grinning, Chanyeol takes a breadstick, tears a chunk off of it, and pops it in Baekhyun’s mouth. Baekhyun closes his eyes, savoring the taste. He groans as he chews.
“Good?” Chanyeol asks.
Baekhyun nods and opens his mouth for more. And Chanyeol obliges, tearing off another breadstick chunk and feeding him. When the server comes, they order fettuccine alfredo with grilled Farfetch’d and cheesy ravioli stuffed with steamed Krabby.
In between gulps of breadstick and pasta, Baekhyun launches into a story of this one time he saw a ghost in Lavender Town and nearly shit his pants.
“The entire town is haunted!” Baekhyun declares.
Chanyeol can’t keep his eyes off of Baekhyun as he starts talking about his adventures in Mt. Moon and Victory Road. Since Chanyeol has never left his little slice of home, he finds Baekhyun’s vivid descriptions of Cinnabar Island’s rocky shores and Cerulean City’s thriving marine life fascinating. In a way, he’s glad that his mom kicked him out, so now he can see the world, just like Baekhyun.
“But my favorite place in the region has to be Celadon City! It has the biggest mall ever,” Baekhyun says, eyes lighting up. “I bought the cutest matching onesies for Jigglypuff and me.”
As he twirls his pasta, Chanyeol says, “You have to take me to the best clubs in Fuchsia City. I heard the nightlife there is crazy.”
“Of course!” Baekhyun says, grinning.
Dinner seems to end too quickly, and they find themselves back at the Day Care Center to pick up their Pokémon. Chanyeol doesn’t really want to say goodbye to Baekhyun, but Chanyeol has to become a Pokémon champion and Baekhyun has to return to Team EXO. But he has a feeling their paths will cross one day, especially when Baekhyun promises to capture Chanyeol’s Charmander because-no hard feelings-he wants to give it to Team EXO’s boss so he can get a promotion.
The man at the Day Care Center beams at their arrival.
“Congratulations!” he says, handing a large spotted egg to Baekhyun. “Your Pokémon have successfully mated!”
Eyes wide, Chanyeol and Baekhyun gawk at the egg.
Chanyeol makes an unattractive squawking noise. “So my Charmander is a daddy? And your Jigglypuff is a mommy?”
“My Jigglypuff is a male,” Baekhyun says, correcting him.
Chanyeol gapes at his Charmander. “You’re a girl Charmander? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Char!” Charmander explains.
Chanyeol nods in understanding. No hard feelings. Hakuna matata.
“Huh, so I guess we better stick together,” Baekhyun says, grinning, “for the sake of the baby.”
“I guess you’re right,” Chanyeol says, grinning back.
And he can’t wait for his Pokémon journey to begin.
A/N: Chanyeol, your mom said you can come back home if you bring her grandchildren. If you recognize all of the references from the games and the anime, then congratulations you are a pokénerd!
This fic is a gift for Hannie, who deserves much more than my self-indulgent crack. Thanks for treating me well and putting up with me haha! <3