Laughing while depressed
Almost everyone is talking about it. Robin Williams killed himself. Robin Williams... how can this be? He can't be dead. He can't have killed himself!
Oh wait... we did know he had a lot of inner demons. He fought them over and over again... he'd sought help multiple times.
I've asked people before if they caught some things I've noticed while watching people.
II sometimes notice the laughter in someone's eyes... and the second after that... the moment where the sadness and pain floods back.
It usually lasts only a split second before they put their happy face back on. Did I see that? What caused it?
Maybe it's that I know that feeling myself.
Those who know me well know I love to be the silly one. I laugh a lot.
I cry a lot.
I can go from laughing and being so happy... to suddenly feeling swamped with self hatred or a mysteries looming darkness.
I see that lurking in people.
I often wish there was something I could do... but what?
This is especially hard when I'm watching TV or something online and I see it. I don't know them. What can I do? Are other people noticing? Is there anything that can be done?
I know I don't always see it either... hell I probably miss it most of the time.
An odd pondering that just snuck up on me. Laughter is a great medicine... but as I said earlier I've noticed a HUGE hit of sadness the moment the laughter stops. It hits harder than when I've just stayed in a general state of blaaah. It's a really odd thought... but can laughter trigger depression in some people? You laugh and you feel better for a moment... but... can it make things worse too?
I'm more content in life if I stay in a state of blah than if I actually have the high moments. I've often said it's because everything must balance out. For every bit of joy an equal smack of misery will follow.
*shrug*
added right after posting: I started rereading what I typed and saw I said I can be so happy. Huh... weird. I know for years I've said I don't do happy... I CAN'T do happy. I'm actually still not sure... I should probably stop thinking about it. I think right now... I have found happy... for a few moments here and there.
Oh wait... we did know he had a lot of inner demons. He fought them over and over again... he'd sought help multiple times.
I've asked people before if they caught some things I've noticed while watching people.
II sometimes notice the laughter in someone's eyes... and the second after that... the moment where the sadness and pain floods back.
It usually lasts only a split second before they put their happy face back on. Did I see that? What caused it?
Maybe it's that I know that feeling myself.
Those who know me well know I love to be the silly one. I laugh a lot.
I cry a lot.
I can go from laughing and being so happy... to suddenly feeling swamped with self hatred or a mysteries looming darkness.
I see that lurking in people.
I often wish there was something I could do... but what?
This is especially hard when I'm watching TV or something online and I see it. I don't know them. What can I do? Are other people noticing? Is there anything that can be done?
I know I don't always see it either... hell I probably miss it most of the time.
An odd pondering that just snuck up on me. Laughter is a great medicine... but as I said earlier I've noticed a HUGE hit of sadness the moment the laughter stops. It hits harder than when I've just stayed in a general state of blaaah. It's a really odd thought... but can laughter trigger depression in some people? You laugh and you feel better for a moment... but... can it make things worse too?
I'm more content in life if I stay in a state of blah than if I actually have the high moments. I've often said it's because everything must balance out. For every bit of joy an equal smack of misery will follow.
*shrug*
added right after posting: I started rereading what I typed and saw I said I can be so happy. Huh... weird. I know for years I've said I don't do happy... I CAN'T do happy. I'm actually still not sure... I should probably stop thinking about it. I think right now... I have found happy... for a few moments here and there.