Fixation: Chapter 1
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Title: Fixation
Author: EverScorpio
Characters/Pairing: Edward/Bella
Rating: M
Category: Romance/Angst
Spoilers: Canon up until New Moon, AU from there on out. There could be possible mentions of other parts of Eclipse and BD if they get added.
Summary: Sometimes the choices we make, to save someone, condemn them to what we sought to avoid. To protect the one he loves, Edward must leave Bella, forever. When realizing his mistake, Edward returns to try and save his relationship with Bella only to discover that she has gone missing. Can the one mistake erase an eternity of love?
Notes: I was inspired by hearing that the creator of Twilight, Stephanie Meyer, wrote an alternative book that could replace New Moon and Eclipse; Forever Dawn. In this book the events in New Moon/Eclipse never happened so in this fanficton I am doing exactly that. The only thing that will be canon is up from Twilight until the part of New Moon in which Edward leaves Bella.
I've also used some of the dialog in New Moon, Chapter Three: The End.
This is going to range from different character's POV's.
This isn't my first fanfiction but it's my first of Twilight. Comments are appreciated but please no flames.
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Chapter One: Unseen Consequences
BELLA'S POV
RIGHT AND WRONG. How could there be such a great void between the only choices one could make through life? How is it a choice when someone else was in control? Fearing the unexpected, overseeing what was really there.
Bella we're leaving.
I was afraid this was going to happen. Edward had been distant in the past, but nothing like he had been since my accident at my meaningless birthday. The one birthday that only meant I was a year older than Edward, a year that I would never be able to take back, and a year where he would remain in his ungodly beautiful seventeen-year-old body. If I hadn't been stupid enough to cut my finger on the wrapping paper, the words that came out of Edward's mouth would have never been said.
I'm no good for you Bella.
He was doing it again. I told him not to think about what was HIS right and wrong, but to only think about what was MY right and wrong. From the day I met Edward, he had tried to tell me what was good for me, what was bad for me, the bad always being him. He failed to see that the only good in my life was him. He saved me from a normal life that I want nothing to do with.
My world is not for you.
I could have sworn his icy hands were running down my back because of the pulsing shivers that I was feeling. His words were colder than his pale white hands, hitting me deep. I had tried so much to be wrapped up in his world, every aspect of it. I tried so hard to be something that I clearly wasn't, just so I could stay with him.
"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay -- "
"As long as that was best for you.” He interrupted me only to correct me. It was a correction that I never wanted to hear.
“Edward, you are what's best for me!” I shouted, almost seeming to yell at him with anger, if it weren't for my slightly shaky voice and the tears that were trembling down my pale white face. This couldn't be happening, Edward couldn't be leaving me. My world had never been torn upside down, at least not like this. My entire life was with Edward, my every heart beat and yet he wanted nothing to do with it or me.
The realization hit me as hard as his words had. Edward wanted nothing of me...
“You... don't... want me?”
“No.”
The simple but indefinite word struck more than any of the others had. It confirmed the truth that I was trying to deny.
The overwhelming shock took it's toll and the conversation we were having seemed to blur in my mind. My gaze drifted down to the ground, just as more tears rushed down my face. Was there anything I could say that could fix things, that would make him stay?
“Please don't go, Edward!” Never before had I begged, truly begged with all of my heart. It didn't matter the price, whatever it was I would pay it just so long as he stayed. “You can't leave me!” Panic jolted through my body as I watched him turn around to leave.
“Edward!”
“You're not good for me, Bella.”
“But... I love you - doesn't that matter, Edward?”
“You're human, you'll get over me.” His voice was still giving off no emotion, giving me no clue to try and listen if he was lying. I could hear the underlining of a chuckle, as if this was amusing. I knew there had to be more to this than he was leading onto. When would he have seen my pain amusing?
I wasn't sure what moved my numb body, but as I reached out to grab him, to try and reason with him, he faded out of sight with the wind.
“No!”
Normally I would have been cautious about what I was doing, but my mind was no longer present and only my heart pulsed my movements. Every beat made my legs move faster. I had to find him, had to stop him. “Edward - wait!”
My mind wasn't the only thing that had disappeared, my vision was blurred beyond any possible sight from my ocean of tears that was pouring down my face. I wanted more than anything for him to sweep me up into his arms and tell me that he would never leave. I wanted more than anything one more second, one more heart beat to convince him to never leave me.
“Edw-“
As if I couldn't be any more graceful, the leaves from under my shoes slid across the dirt and my body lunged forward, taking the fall harder than I could have expected. I couldn't even see the ground to try to brace the impact.
“No... Edward... please don't leave.” My fingers dug into the leaves, sticks, and dirt that compacted the surface below my bruised and fallen body.
Even though he was no longer there, anywhere around me, I still saw the back of his perfect shape, growing further and further out of my blurred vision. My heart pounded in my chest as I let out a painful gasp, my heart breaking even more. The physical pain that I had endured compared nothing to the mere thought of losing him.
My eyes burned as my tears could come no more. The ducts which I thought could last forever faded away just like he did. My sobs however still remained. I became aware that my tears were replaced by another liquid when they burned and filled with red. I quickly rubbed the blood that had dripped into them away, following the trail upwards to a slash against my forehead. It wasn't deep but it was enough to drown my hand in the crimson warm liquid.
I was too wrapped up in my emotions and the stillness of my shock that I hadn't noticed the sound of leaves ruffling. If I had I would have reached out for whatever it was, hoping that it was Edward returning. Though Edward always made silenced returns...
“All alone Bella?” The voice caught my attention, but it was one of a familiarity that made me shiver even more. It was a voice that horrified me. A voice that only spoke death.
I looked up hoping it was a further nightmare, one that could wake me up from the shear fright. “Victoria...?”
“Oh do you really need to question who I am?” She smirked, her fangs showing against her dark crimson lips, a small line of blood falling from the pierced skin.
Victoria must have been hunting... or tracking.
I still had nightmares about the whole experience with James, but knowing that Edward would be there to protect me ceased them. But... Edward wasn't coming back.
My mind had shifted back into my body by now, the constant and terrible thoughts filling it. I did my best to recover from where I had fallen, pushing myself up to my feet, backing up against a tree. My heartbeat sped up just as I cried out for help.
Victoria didn't miss a minute of my pulsing heart, the thunderous roar against my chest which only a vampire would have been able to hear. She was inches from my face within a second, her nails digging into my jacket.
Her hands were tainted with a deep aged crimson color, just like James' had been. Why would she choose to hunt me now? I could tell that she had just hunted, but if it were human, who was the death she claimed?
“Scream for him!”
Her eyes were hypnotizing, the gaze unavoidable. It was similar to Edward's, only hers screamed death. The Cullens had destroyed her mate, James, and now she wanted revenge. Could she have heard me calling out for Edward? Was that why she had appeared to me in my most vulnerable state? It was too easy. I had pictured her wanting me to suffer, just like in my dreams. She wouldn't kill me here?
I could only do as she asked, no matter how much I wanted to keep Edward away. Her eyes were turning blacker as I hesitated, the blood still dripping from my cut. I heard the growl in her chest, her nails getting stronger cutting through my jacket. Her gaze was paralyzing.
Please forgive me.
“Edward!”I cried out for him, the tears forming back in my eyes as my piercing scream filled the forest.
It was a trick.
I screamed again, this time in pain as Victoria slammed my head into the ancient bark of the tree, the inhuman strength making my vision blur again as she continued. I could feel my blood drip down from my skull. She wasn't stopping.
“FOOL!” Victoria screeched, her violent voice overcoming my screams which had turned into whispers.
Was she this strong before? Or was it because she was finally getting her perfect revenge? In my dreams Victoria had changed me into a vampire only to turn me against Edward. I knew I wasn't clairvoyant like Alice, but I thought they had some meaning.
“Edward please...NO!” I tried one more time, fighting every urge, every overtake my body tried to slip into the darkness, only to fail and my vision faded black.
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EDWARD'S POV
“It's what she needs...”
After having the hardest conversation in my existence, I was still trying to convince myself that it was what she needed, that having a normal life would keep her safe.
The only person that would put her in any kind of danger would be me.
No matter my feelings for Bella, I couldn't and wouldn't hold that over her.
“Edward!” Bella's voice still sung in my head. Everything was still as fresh as it was the day I first saw her: her scent, her voice, and her beautiful image. I know it's what's best for her, but why do I keep trying to convince myself of that?
A part of me still wonders what fall she will take, what dark alley she will go into, what danger she will be in without me there to save her. I've become attached to her but I know she is in more danger with me around.
I tried to lock away my thoughts of Bella, and the thoughts telling me that this was all a mistake. I pushed myself forward, heading up to my home.
“Edward!”
There the voice was again...only this time it wasn't Bella's. My eyes locked with the moving door as I saw Alice and Jasper running out of it.
“What's the hurry, Alice?” I tried not to sound so annoyed by her call, but whatever she had to say was the furthest thing from my mind. I didn't even bother with trying to read her mind.
“We made a mistake - you made a mistake!”
“What are you talking about?” My tone was harsh. If she meant anything towards my conversation with Bella, she was wrong. I gave her up so she would be safe.
“Can't you tell, Edward?” She seemed frustrated but more because of a fear that I hadn't heard in a long time.
I decided to read her mind, to save her the pain of trying to tell me whatever it was.
“Stay away from me! No! Someone help me!”
It was Bella's voice...
“No! Please! Ah!”
Bella's body fell limp after her short struggle with Victoria and blood began to pour down her neck from the fresh bite.
Victoria pulled away, blood dripping down her chin as she guided her head towards the sky, letting out a menacing and fulfilled shriek. Her eyes were filled with Victoria as she sought and conquered her revenge.
My jaw clenched shut, a scornful look in my eyes. Alice's visions were of the future, so we still had time. “I'm going to find Bella, tell Carlisle we're not leaving.”
“I'm going with you!”
I could see the glare from her when I tried to resist. I made this mistake my own, I wanted the opportunity to fix it, but having her wouldn't hurt anything. “Alright, let's go.”
“I'm going too.”
I was shocked to hear Jasper speak up. After what happened at Bella's birthday party, I expected him to avoid any and all confrontations with her.
“Jasper, I don't think that's a good idea. Edward and I will handle things.” Alice put her hand on Jasper's chest, trying to reassure him that he could stay here and that he wasn't needed.
“Let's move Alice!” I didn't wait for her, I couldn't. Bella was being hunted by James' damn mate. I didn't know how much time I still had, or if time was even on my side.
Despite my head start, I heard Alice's thoughts as she grew closer to me.
We should have never left her alone.
“You don't think I realize that?” My words were less than a whisper as our speed increased. I wasn't even sure where Bella was in Alice's vision, so the only place left to look would be her house. I could pick up her scent there...
It's not your fault, Edward
I couldn't even answer Alice. I wasn't going to lie to her either way. It was my fault. I was the one that left Bella. I could have taken her with her, I know she would have dropped everything just to be with me, but I chose to save her. But in saving her from myself I left her open to be killed by Victoria.
Bella wasn't the most graceful person, she was cursed by blood to get into danger. But out of all the small dangers I thought would come her way without me, this was the last thing I would have expected.
“What do you mean, of course it is.” I put up a hand as we ran, my eyes glaring, pleading with her not to continue. Alice always found herself trying to lift me up, to make me see the clear picture like she easily could, but now wasn't the time. Time being the key factor.
We soon reached Charlie's house, the cruiser no where in sight. I rounded towards the side, immediately going to Bella's room to try and pick up her scent, or to try and find her in the house. After opening the window, Alice followed me into Bella's bedroom.
“Bella?!” I shouted through the room, Alice's voice echoing mine.
The scent was overwhelming. My senses continued to try and get the best of me, throwing me completely out of focus. I had been used to having her scent all around me, but with the disparity of trying to find her, to make sure she was safe, it was intoxicating just like it was the first time. As fresh as things could get, I tried to distinguish her different scents, trying to find the freshest that would hopefully lead me to where she was.
“Do you see anything?” I asked turning to Alice, wishing her clairvoyant ability would start up.
The vision that Alice received of Bella was shocking enough. She hadn't been getting any of Bella for months, not since the prom. I thought Bella's mind was blocking of her ability just like it had been mine. But that obviously wasn't the case, so now would be the perfect time for any hints to find her.
“She...”
I quickly turned to my sister, grabbing her by her shoulders, shaking her with question, wanting to know what she saw. “Tell me Alice!”
Alice's eyes widened with fear as she grabbed onto my arm, pulling me for the window. “We have to hurry...I saw Victoria taking Bella.”
The mention of Victoria and Bella was enough to make me fly out of the window, taking off on foot for the forest near her house. If time was still on our side, I would do anything and everything to destroy Victoria and make sure I never let Bella out of my sight. I was bound and determined to never leave her again.
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Jasper's POV
Bella's 18th birthday party had been the turning point in my new lifestyle of being a “Vegetarian Vampire”. I had promised myself over and over, as well as my entire family that I was going to try harder to adjust to everything. Even by resisting Bella for so long when she came into our world hadn't helped when the event came.
Alice...my wonderful Alice had helped me through everything, trying to assure me that I would stay good and that I wouldn't harm Bella.
I wanted to embrace her just like everyone else, to welcome her into our family, but I even over Rosalie stood alone by keeping myself at a distance.
I wish I could take it back but I can't, and it's one memory that continues to haunt me even now.
I could feel the excitement from everyone's emotions, wanting Bella to have the best birthday that they could give.
Being everlasting and immortal, birthdays were a very rare occasion in the Cullen family.
I watched Bella try to unwrap the present, guiding her finger under the wrapping paper.
My smile lowered and if I were to have a heart, it would have stopped and then sped up fast enough to give me a heart attack.
The smell...
Bella's blood...
I ignored every bit of my screaming mind as my instincts took over and I launched myself forward.
If I could just taste it...just let Bella's blood swirl in my mouth and into my body, it would be enough to satisfy me. Maybe even one bite into her delicious, soft, human skin. I could get my fix and everything would be back to normal.
It seemed easy enough of a plan to me.
I was so close... until Edward grabbed Bella and threw her to the floor, with him blocking her.
My mind screamed in anticipation. I slammed into him, my chest vibrating with the growl that came from within. I would gladly tear him to shreds with her. The person who I had become was nothing. I needed to bite her. If I had to go through Edward I would.
“MOVE!” I screamed, my teeth snapping down, the growl growing louder.
It took Emmett AND Rosalie to get me outside, to try and bring me back from the true nature each of us held.
Only Alice could partially help me in calming the voices. The voices that told me this life was pathetic, and that I could have any human I wanted, everyday for the rest of eternity if I were to just give in. They were strong but only Alice could bring me fully back.
I had stayed away from Bella indefinitely since her birthday.
Hearing Edward tell us that he wanted to leave was shocking and heart dropping. I knew my little act had driven the courage out of him to actually leave her behind. I tried to tell him that I would be fine, and that we could stay - that he could stay with Bella, but he was stubborn.
I had lost all hope of remaining in Forks. That was until Alice screamed.
Her visions had been null and void, practically non-existent. But I could tell that this one was dire and painful. Her facial expression was unforgettable.
I pulled Alice into my arms trying to calm her emotions with my ability, but it still didn't work. She came out of the vision in pure horror.
Bella was in danger. Edward was a fool for thinking that she would be safe without him.
Why hadn't we thought of Victoria? It was practically stating the obvious but it still slipped our minds. Why would she want Bella? James had died by Edward's hands, not hers.
But that was just it...James was Victoria's mate. Victoria wanted her revenge so she was going to kill Bella to give Edward the pain that she would have to live with for an eternity.
“I'm going too.” The words flew out of my mouth before any rational could try and reason with them. I wanted to help them - I wanted to save Bella. If nothing more than to prove to them that I could handle myself around her and as some way to apologize for ruining her birthday, and making Edward leave her.
I felt completely responsible for everything.
“Jasper, I don't think that's a good idea. Edward and I will handle things.” She put her hands on my chest, my arms coming to wrap around her shoulders.
I felt a lump in my throat and my body seemed numb as her words flowed through my mind. By the time I became aware that she had left my embrace it was too late to follow her.
I could follow her scent, but Edward would probably hear my thoughts and try to prolong finding Bella so that they could make me turn around. If I could follow them as far as Bella's house, maybe I could catch her scent.
Alice's addicting scent was on my shirt and I lifted it up, breathing in and taking off in the path my senses took me.
Despite wanting to find Bella, there was still that urging feeling in the back of my mind. The one that feared reverting back to my instincts, killing Bella myself before Victoria even got the chance.
It wasn't long before I saw Bella's house in the distance. I didn't see Alice or Edward but I didn't want to get close enough for Edward to get distracted.
“NO!”
My head turned then, impossibly fast as I heard a painful scream. “Bella...?”
I ran in the direction it came from, going as fast as I possibly could, the efficacious scent growing.
It was so potent and strong that my chest growled as I resisted the feelings. I turned in a complete circle, again and again, still not seeing Bella.
“She has to be here...it's the strongest-“
My eyes shook, the pools turned back as they widened. My lips became moist and I could almost taste it. There, in the tree in front of me was Bella's blood...dripping down the ancient bark seeping into the roots of the grass below.
I couldn't stop my movements as I advanced, my shaking hand reaching out to touch the wonderful, forbidden crimson liquid.
My eyes shook with hesitation, the voices now telling me to resist, the voices becoming Alice's. My finger moved closer to my mouth as my desires were about to become reality.
“Jasper, don't!”
The voice was back but it wasn't just in my head. The voice rang violently in my ears as I turned, my hand covered with Bella's blood dropping to my side.
The color slowly started to return to my eyes, and I backed away from the tree. “I...I didn't hurt her.”
I had been completely absent minded to even notice Victoria's scent swirling around the tree, mixing with Bella's scent.
Alice's hands pinned my hand down and I looked down into her eyes, my apology flowing through them. I was tempted once again, proving me wrong again. No matter how many times I tried to stay faithful, I continued to slip. What if Victoria hadn't been the one to hurt Bella, what if it had been me?
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Alice's POV
It was well known that Edward was BEYOND stubborn, always trying to be the one in control of everything. It really didn't surprise me when he wanted to leave, to leave Bella.
I may not have been shocked but I was still hurt. He didn't want any of us to even say goodbye. I knew he was going to lie to her. My visions had been completely non-existent and the future that I saw, the one that I wanted to happen more than any other had ceased to exist the moment he told Bella that he didn't want her to come with us.
The vision that came of Bella was one like I have never experienced. It was extremely painful, more so than any other, and it felt as real as if I was Bella.
Bella had become one of my great friends, and despite what Edward commanded us to do, I wanted to say goodbye to her. When Jasper pulled me out of my vision, I knew I would get that chance. I would fight Edward on this one, the obvious mistake being that he left her.
Finding Bella no where in her room made my fears grow darker. My next vision made those fears spiral into a black hole. Victoria had beat us, she had time on her side and she found Bella.
As if it couldn't get any worse, when Edward and I finally found where Bella was suppose to be, Jasper was there. I should have known though, he like every male in my family besides Carlisle, my father, refused to listen.
“Jasper, don't!”
I ran forward, pinning his hand down as I wrapped my other arm around him. I couldn't lose him too. I knew that if he tasted even a small bit of Bella's blood - human blood, he would be too lost and he wouldn't come back to me.
I looked to where he had been standing and my eyes widened in horror. There...splattered on the tree...was Bella's blood. It wasn't much...but it was enough to make me wonder if Victoria had been successful.
Edward...I'm sorry. We were too late.