Take Me On.
As stressed out as I am on many different levels, I am trying to find my centre. Retain peace, patience and keep collected.
Hanging out with Lauren today was wonderful. Just an old friend to adjust my comfort level. Just to have someone to talk about all my girl stuff with. I thoroughly enjoy our adventures together.
I am trying to put a spin on my long distance perspective. We have made it work so far and we both seem to have the commitment that it requires, or at least, the commitment to the commitment, if that makes any sense.
I am very blessed to have finally found someone that loves me for exactly who I am. Someone who understands or is beginning to understand my downfalls and can still make me feel like a genuinely beautiful person.
I also realize he is still fighting his own demons, and every now and then I really let that get to me. But that is a patience issue on my part. All I can do is give him everything that I am, continuously, without pause.
I fear it will always be hard to put your heart on the line, no matter who you are or what cards you've been dealt. I certainly still have my doubts every now and then, but I've come to believe that that is all you can do in this life; risk being hurt or failing or messing up. What I have right now is all I've got, and I really try to think about it the way Mom always drove into my head.
Every Christmas, she would turn on CNN and make my sister and I watch the starving children in Africa and make us aware of the fact that we would always have more than a large population of the world.
And I do. As many disagreements that have arisen in my current situation, my aunt and uncle are completely supporting me.
So I guess what this long out-pour is about is that I've got alot going for me right now, so I need to suck certain things up and I'm really going to try and look at things from a more 'enlightened' angle.
-EDIT-
I just got the cutest fucking message from Johnny singing 'our song.' I'm so goddamn lucky, I can't even tell you.
Hanging out with Lauren today was wonderful. Just an old friend to adjust my comfort level. Just to have someone to talk about all my girl stuff with. I thoroughly enjoy our adventures together.
I am trying to put a spin on my long distance perspective. We have made it work so far and we both seem to have the commitment that it requires, or at least, the commitment to the commitment, if that makes any sense.
I am very blessed to have finally found someone that loves me for exactly who I am. Someone who understands or is beginning to understand my downfalls and can still make me feel like a genuinely beautiful person.
I also realize he is still fighting his own demons, and every now and then I really let that get to me. But that is a patience issue on my part. All I can do is give him everything that I am, continuously, without pause.
I fear it will always be hard to put your heart on the line, no matter who you are or what cards you've been dealt. I certainly still have my doubts every now and then, but I've come to believe that that is all you can do in this life; risk being hurt or failing or messing up. What I have right now is all I've got, and I really try to think about it the way Mom always drove into my head.
Every Christmas, she would turn on CNN and make my sister and I watch the starving children in Africa and make us aware of the fact that we would always have more than a large population of the world.
And I do. As many disagreements that have arisen in my current situation, my aunt and uncle are completely supporting me.
So I guess what this long out-pour is about is that I've got alot going for me right now, so I need to suck certain things up and I'm really going to try and look at things from a more 'enlightened' angle.
-EDIT-
I just got the cutest fucking message from Johnny singing 'our song.' I'm so goddamn lucky, I can't even tell you.