(no subject)
i just had a revalation while writing in my handwritten journal. i cant believe i didnt think of this a long time ago.
if something as simple and mundane as a video game can make ryan completely forget about me, i was never truly remembered and cherished by ryan in the first place. painful to think about, i know. but the only times i have been a true part of ryans life were when he was not obsessed with video games. that was almost 2 years ago.
ryan loved me and cherished every moment we spent together because he was a different person back then. any feelings of sentiment he had towards me are now warped and dessicated like a corpse out in the hot sun. it would take a miracle to rise a bloated carcass, ripe with decay, into a breathing, beautiful part of humanity. to restore it to life. it would take a miracle to take this hollowed out bit of fate and nuture it back to love.
love.
i dont even know if it ever was love. i do know it never will be again.
if something as simple and mundane as a video game can make ryan completely forget about me, i was never truly remembered and cherished by ryan in the first place. painful to think about, i know. but the only times i have been a true part of ryans life were when he was not obsessed with video games. that was almost 2 years ago.
ryan loved me and cherished every moment we spent together because he was a different person back then. any feelings of sentiment he had towards me are now warped and dessicated like a corpse out in the hot sun. it would take a miracle to rise a bloated carcass, ripe with decay, into a breathing, beautiful part of humanity. to restore it to life. it would take a miracle to take this hollowed out bit of fate and nuture it back to love.
love.
i dont even know if it ever was love. i do know it never will be again.