(no subject)
I was talking to Davi last night. I felt depressed and he pointed out how I can take heart in how much progress I have made. I actually agreed rather than getting pissed off and sulky and denying it because I felt crappy. *advanced therapy* ie: cognitive behavioral therapy really has helped. So I'm making a list of ways I have improved since May. (I'm shooting for ten-we'll see.)
1. I can admit when I need help and ask for it.
2. I can recognize when depression is affecting my thought process. For example, "I am a worthless piece of crap and I should die." I know that's not true, even if I feel that way.
3. I don't blame my mother for my actions. I cut because of how things affect me I do not cut because of my mother.
4. I can identify and engage in activites that help stop a negative thought pattern spiraling downward.
5. I can recognize when I'm starting to feel down, recognize a negative thought pattern, and engage in said activities to make myself feel better. Reading violent comics, watching veggie tales, painting, etc.
6. I can talk about depression without feeling ashamed, melodramatic or angsty.
7. I don't get panic attacks as often or as badly as I used to. (this is more meds than me I think but definately one helped the other)
8. I don't have psychotic episodes as often or as badly as I used to. There has been one exception to this. (this is also meds and me not just me)
9. I do not cut as severely as I used to. (one exception-that was during the exception to the psychotic episode)
10. (I made it!) Um now I can't think of anything. Darn. Oh! The best one of all! I CAN SAY NO. I really can. I can so no to sex and drugs and alcohol and things I don't want to do and people I don't want to see and things that I know are bad for me or will hinder my getting better. This is one of the most important steps in me learning to take care of me and it has taken me many, many years to learn it. It's an important part of me recognizing my own self-worth.
So I hate admitting when Davi is right as much as anyone, but I don't think it's a bad thing (this time). I have made a lot of improvements. Hopefully one day "I don't have to cut" will be on that list. One day soon. We'll see. So yeah. I'm proud of myself and I feel that I have a right to be.
1. I can admit when I need help and ask for it.
2. I can recognize when depression is affecting my thought process. For example, "I am a worthless piece of crap and I should die." I know that's not true, even if I feel that way.
3. I don't blame my mother for my actions. I cut because of how things affect me I do not cut because of my mother.
4. I can identify and engage in activites that help stop a negative thought pattern spiraling downward.
5. I can recognize when I'm starting to feel down, recognize a negative thought pattern, and engage in said activities to make myself feel better. Reading violent comics, watching veggie tales, painting, etc.
6. I can talk about depression without feeling ashamed, melodramatic or angsty.
7. I don't get panic attacks as often or as badly as I used to. (this is more meds than me I think but definately one helped the other)
8. I don't have psychotic episodes as often or as badly as I used to. There has been one exception to this. (this is also meds and me not just me)
9. I do not cut as severely as I used to. (one exception-that was during the exception to the psychotic episode)
10. (I made it!) Um now I can't think of anything. Darn. Oh! The best one of all! I CAN SAY NO. I really can. I can so no to sex and drugs and alcohol and things I don't want to do and people I don't want to see and things that I know are bad for me or will hinder my getting better. This is one of the most important steps in me learning to take care of me and it has taken me many, many years to learn it. It's an important part of me recognizing my own self-worth.
So I hate admitting when Davi is right as much as anyone, but I don't think it's a bad thing (this time). I have made a lot of improvements. Hopefully one day "I don't have to cut" will be on that list. One day soon. We'll see. So yeah. I'm proud of myself and I feel that I have a right to be.