life sucks.
before prom, I found out jason likes one of my closest friends. actually, I had a feeling he liked her even before that... so in a way, I guess I've known since april. it hurts so much. and it's worse because she doesn't realize how great he is, and he tries so hard for her but his efforts go wasted.
& damn, I know how shitty that feels because I constantly feel like I do pretty much everything for him and benny, but when it comes down to it, I still don't hold a high place in their hearts. I mean, whenever I go out to eat, I bring them back something even if they don't ask. but when they go out & I ask for something, they don't bring me it lol ;(
I don't know, so much shit has happened this school year...
I'm really glad that it's coming to a close, because I really need the summer to get my mind off of people and places and things and memories. but I think that will be hard because I'll be taking summer sessions at UC Berkeley and a lot of the people I wish to avoid will be around.
it's so hard to look at him and realize he's looking at her. and it's so much worse because we hang out a lot - almost everyday afterschool, just me and him or before school or whatever. and when we hang out, we usually get really close... like I mean :x you know, that kind of close. and we've had so many arguments over it. he always tells me he feels so bad because he's taking advantage of me and everything, but if that's the case, then why does he continue to make those moves?
and I should really stop letting it happen because I just end up even more confused & even more hurt when I see him trying to flirt with her the next day.
I really don't know what to do... she's one of my closest friends but it hurts me so much to hear her talk about their conversations and such. not that she likes him. but he talks to her the way he used to talk to me. and with everything she says, I miss everything about him more and more.
I wish I could cut them both off from my life, but she's my friend and he's my friend and me and him have worked so hard to get our friendship to be as good as it is right now.
for the first time since november, we haven't ignored each other for over a week. usually, I ignore him for about a day or he ignores me for a day, but it really depends.
=(
I wish more than anything to be over him. I want to forget him. I wanna forget all of the pain. I'm so tired of being hurt and disappointed all of the time. I just want to be happy again...
& damn, I know how shitty that feels because I constantly feel like I do pretty much everything for him and benny, but when it comes down to it, I still don't hold a high place in their hearts. I mean, whenever I go out to eat, I bring them back something even if they don't ask. but when they go out & I ask for something, they don't bring me it lol ;(
I don't know, so much shit has happened this school year...
I'm really glad that it's coming to a close, because I really need the summer to get my mind off of people and places and things and memories. but I think that will be hard because I'll be taking summer sessions at UC Berkeley and a lot of the people I wish to avoid will be around.
it's so hard to look at him and realize he's looking at her. and it's so much worse because we hang out a lot - almost everyday afterschool, just me and him or before school or whatever. and when we hang out, we usually get really close... like I mean :x you know, that kind of close. and we've had so many arguments over it. he always tells me he feels so bad because he's taking advantage of me and everything, but if that's the case, then why does he continue to make those moves?
and I should really stop letting it happen because I just end up even more confused & even more hurt when I see him trying to flirt with her the next day.
I really don't know what to do... she's one of my closest friends but it hurts me so much to hear her talk about their conversations and such. not that she likes him. but he talks to her the way he used to talk to me. and with everything she says, I miss everything about him more and more.
I wish I could cut them both off from my life, but she's my friend and he's my friend and me and him have worked so hard to get our friendship to be as good as it is right now.
for the first time since november, we haven't ignored each other for over a week. usually, I ignore him for about a day or he ignores me for a day, but it really depends.
=(
I wish more than anything to be over him. I want to forget him. I wanna forget all of the pain. I'm so tired of being hurt and disappointed all of the time. I just want to be happy again...