"In tree or man, good timber grows..."

May 25, 2006 00:30

I'll try not to make this one as cheesy as my "goodbye to mascot/high school" entry... but I feel that happening anyway.

It's hard to not reflect on things while packing up everything in your room. I'll be living of crates for the next three months.
Lots of things have happend since I've done a real update.
I've been relationship/boy confused about Sam whats-his-face, finalizing club officers (Choir, Sidekicks, Track captains), trying to get off the obligation list for a million things, turning in english assignments really late, attempting to find a new mascot, making sure my attendence isin't terrible so that I can graduate, getting ready for my uncle to come in town, and attempting to stay calm all at the same time. That's not working out so great.

It hit me pretty soon that this was gonna be it: after graduation, out of 500 kids, you're lucky if you still talk to 15. And me, being the social and loving person that I am (or try to be) am truly hurt by that. The thought of losing a multitude of my friends due to getting a diploma is extreamly heartbreaking.

I can recall maybe four or five nights since April when I went to bed at night NOT crying from the thought of losing my friends; from leaving my safety bubble of Anderson; from being seperated from my bro- Trevor; from worrying about Aaron; from wondering if I'm making my Uncle happy; from wondering if I made the wrong decision turning down Millikin; from being stressed out about work; from wondering if i would have a car or enough money for tuition; from wondering is Sam would ever stop playing with my heart; from knowing Miss Mastronardi is moving back to Illinois; from feeling separated from, of all people, Mr Dill; from knowing I haven't spent enough time with Kinkle this year; from taking ever precious moment out of ever day and soaking in every wonderful blessed thing about everyone around me.

And it was that heartache that went through my heart every night and everyday. It's that same heartache that haunts me now.

And it was until a few hours ago that I realized that there are even better things for me to embrace ahead of me. I found out Thursday that Texas State is offering me $16,850 to go there... that's pretty thrilling! I was so worried about tuition this whole year and in one click of the refresh button on my financial aid page, that all change.

There is so much I wish I could just tell people. I wish I could just tell Sam how much I love him. I wish I could just tell Mr. Powell how much he has inspired me and given me someone to look up too. I wish I could truly express how valuable my friendship with emily means to me...so much to so many people... but there is no time... and all I can do is hope that one day I can lay it all out on the table with no regrets, no turning back.

But one thing that I do not regret is spending the last four years of my life at Anderson High school; spending the last six in Austin, Texas; falling for someone; spending four drama filled summers at choir camps; dancing my heart out in show choir and school musicals, staying in the choir room until 11 at night finishing choir officer work and writing 97 personal notes for choir kids; going plane, bus, car, and train to Millikin for my audition and getting to know myself along the way; meeting people that have shaped my mind set and the way that I view the world.

In 19 hours and 20 mins... I will graduate from high school and begin another road in my journey. Thank you for everyone who has walked withme along the way.

I love you all
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