not funny haha.
its so funny to me how what you think you know about someone can be completely and utterly wrong. its really hard to realise that something that you absolutely knew about someone, something that you convinced yourself over and over again to be true is infact totally false. watching people grow up and change while you yourself are growing up and changing is something that every person goes through. within my group of friends (and not so friends) i have really begun to notice certain changes, both good and bad. the sweetest people you will ever know have suddenly become a little sour. those that you could always trust no matter what have become the ones you would never share anything with. and the ones that you swore to anyone that would listen would always be there for you have turned their backs and tossed you aside like you meant nothing to them all along. while the niave ones have become a little more worldly. the bad girls have calmed down a bit and have begun to realise the consequences of their actions. the bitches and assholes have started to realise that no, they will not always get away with it, whatever it is.
i would like to think that during all this that i have retained most of my good traits while trying to improve on the ones that are not so good. true i have become more cynical, less trusting, and more apathetic, but the more i ponder on these things the less i think that they are negative. never again will i be the carpet that everyone walks on, rubbing thier shit on me like i deserve it. never again will i be on open book for anyone leaving myself to be vulnerable and weak. never again will i trust someone so whole heartedly that i forget that i too have been hurt. and never again will i spread myself so thin that every single person around me knows my every mood, thought or feeling.
i guess i should thank you. i mean i really would not have had all of these self discoveries and revelations if you hadnt comepletely ruined everything good that i still saw in people. but i guess by putting you on that pedistal, i was doomed to watch you and my ideals fall. being a friend is not something i took lightly or did without my whole heart. and i guess i still dont. but now after this i will try to be more gaurded than ever. everything that i held to true and good, all that was close to my heart, has be ripped away land left me bare. and i dont really care if i am exposing myself or not. i was always honest. and will continue to be. and honestly, i feel sorry for the next victim in this sick cycle. and for you.
but enough about you. because, after all, this is really about me. me in the since that the me i was is no longer. the me i am now is hardened, and cold and cynical. sound familiar? it should. to anyone that has experienced a disappoinment so great that it has made you re evaluate your life and yourself.
if anyone actually makes a habit of reading my rants you will notice that most of them are long and drawn out like this. and for that i apologise. its just when youre fed up (or atleast in my case) its nice to vent in a forum where there wont be anyone that talks back. its either that or punch a wall. and i choose the less painful out. so if anyone actually read this, sorry if i have made your mood heavy but i aprreciate the time it took to get through this dribble.
xo
i would like to think that during all this that i have retained most of my good traits while trying to improve on the ones that are not so good. true i have become more cynical, less trusting, and more apathetic, but the more i ponder on these things the less i think that they are negative. never again will i be the carpet that everyone walks on, rubbing thier shit on me like i deserve it. never again will i be on open book for anyone leaving myself to be vulnerable and weak. never again will i trust someone so whole heartedly that i forget that i too have been hurt. and never again will i spread myself so thin that every single person around me knows my every mood, thought or feeling.
i guess i should thank you. i mean i really would not have had all of these self discoveries and revelations if you hadnt comepletely ruined everything good that i still saw in people. but i guess by putting you on that pedistal, i was doomed to watch you and my ideals fall. being a friend is not something i took lightly or did without my whole heart. and i guess i still dont. but now after this i will try to be more gaurded than ever. everything that i held to true and good, all that was close to my heart, has be ripped away land left me bare. and i dont really care if i am exposing myself or not. i was always honest. and will continue to be. and honestly, i feel sorry for the next victim in this sick cycle. and for you.
but enough about you. because, after all, this is really about me. me in the since that the me i was is no longer. the me i am now is hardened, and cold and cynical. sound familiar? it should. to anyone that has experienced a disappoinment so great that it has made you re evaluate your life and yourself.
if anyone actually makes a habit of reading my rants you will notice that most of them are long and drawn out like this. and for that i apologise. its just when youre fed up (or atleast in my case) its nice to vent in a forum where there wont be anyone that talks back. its either that or punch a wall. and i choose the less painful out. so if anyone actually read this, sorry if i have made your mood heavy but i aprreciate the time it took to get through this dribble.
xo