Sometimes, life is just what I call crap.
Okay, so here's the deal. I haven't talked to Cody in almost 3 weeks, until yesterday. I talked to him at lunch, well, when I say talk...I mean one word was spoken. "Hey"..well, I said one word and he said another,"Hey". For the rest of the lunch break we just...sat there like dumb morons. I think we're dumb morons in all reality. I guess that's when it hit me...there's no more us. I can't try and fix it, even if I did fix it...things would never be the same. This whole time I thought I still loved him, but I was only confused and THOUGHT I loved him. I don't think I do anymore, cause I was being selfish. I was only thinking about how I (capital I) wanted him back...and I never thought of what he wanted. I hoped and wished that he'd want me back, just to have me...but now I can't stand to look at him. Although, here's something weird, today on the way to the buses I saw Touhey and Cody at the same time..and instead of talking to Cody I gave Touhey a hug...and out of the corner of my eye I saw Cody just staring at us. And, for the first time I think in my entire (love) life, I didn't care. I didn't get excited that he was jealous...I just didn't care. I shrugged and walked to my bus. I know it's not a big deal to anyone...but it is to me.
Now, my friends, well...that's a weird one. Lately, I feel like none of them care..since my "Best one" seems to be taking sides with the enemy. But who cares, she's leaving anyways. Just like all the others. She's leaving me here to be alone with the boys....suck you. Rance and Josh? Well, I have a question. How come when it's just me and Rance...or me Rance and Josh, Rance is cool...but whenever there's someone else in the room that he doesn't really feel comfortable around he's an arrogant ass to me? Same with Kye. What's up with Boys? Boys are heartless losers who don't care about anyone but themselves...Hmph. They don't seem to realize how much I've changed, but they treat me like I'm the same person I used to be. I used to be happy and carefree, until I had to grow up so damn fast. You hear me all the time, talking about my mom. Well, yeah it's only because it's a big part of my life that I have to deal with and I feel if I don't talk about it then I'm not dealing with it. But the guys never wanna hear it, oh yeah, THEY'RE GUYS. Argh. They get mad at me too often because I take things seriously, well...damn when you constantly call me fat, when you constantly tell me I'm stupid and what a bitch I am...I tend to start believing it, ya know? Wouldn't you? But yet, Amber says I get mad too easily, well, I am NOT a push over and I refuse to let people walk all over me just to make themselves look better...it's happened too often, too many times and I won't let it happen again, if that makes a bad horrible person, fine I don't care...then I'll be a horrible person who everyone hates, I'd rather have my dignity and pride than let some arrogant assholes over power me. So...I vented a little. What's the big deal?
Today, was an okay day. I got some new stuff. I got a new shirt, and binder and...an Anime magazine. It tells me when stuff is coming out, and it's just a fun little mag. that I like so get over it already. Just Kidding. I'm bored, so I'll go finsih my homework.
Now, my friends, well...that's a weird one. Lately, I feel like none of them care..since my "Best one" seems to be taking sides with the enemy. But who cares, she's leaving anyways. Just like all the others. She's leaving me here to be alone with the boys....suck you. Rance and Josh? Well, I have a question. How come when it's just me and Rance...or me Rance and Josh, Rance is cool...but whenever there's someone else in the room that he doesn't really feel comfortable around he's an arrogant ass to me? Same with Kye. What's up with Boys? Boys are heartless losers who don't care about anyone but themselves...Hmph. They don't seem to realize how much I've changed, but they treat me like I'm the same person I used to be. I used to be happy and carefree, until I had to grow up so damn fast. You hear me all the time, talking about my mom. Well, yeah it's only because it's a big part of my life that I have to deal with and I feel if I don't talk about it then I'm not dealing with it. But the guys never wanna hear it, oh yeah, THEY'RE GUYS. Argh. They get mad at me too often because I take things seriously, well...damn when you constantly call me fat, when you constantly tell me I'm stupid and what a bitch I am...I tend to start believing it, ya know? Wouldn't you? But yet, Amber says I get mad too easily, well, I am NOT a push over and I refuse to let people walk all over me just to make themselves look better...it's happened too often, too many times and I won't let it happen again, if that makes a bad horrible person, fine I don't care...then I'll be a horrible person who everyone hates, I'd rather have my dignity and pride than let some arrogant assholes over power me. So...I vented a little. What's the big deal?
Today, was an okay day. I got some new stuff. I got a new shirt, and binder and...an Anime magazine. It tells me when stuff is coming out, and it's just a fun little mag. that I like so get over it already. Just Kidding. I'm bored, so I'll go finsih my homework.