We've been here before
I know I've said it before, but I really don't know why I allow myself to hope for anything. It only ends up in pain. Not necessarily sorrow. Just pain. I'm over the whole feeling sorry for myself days. Haven't had those in a bit and I don't plan on going back to them. I'm just tired of it all. I need to find myself a hobby or something to get me out of this house more often. In less than a month, I leave for London. That will be wonderful. I'll be so busy and consumed by exploring the UK that I won't even care about all the let downs of my life. They won't matter. The only time I really dwell on the let downs is when I have too much time on my hands. When school is in session and I don't have time to think, I hate it because I'm constantly so stressed and all. But really, it's good for me. I don't do well when I have nothing to do. I feel useless and lame. There are two types of people in this world. One type loves having nothing to do but lay around and watch tv or read. The other gets cabin fever and starts to go stir crazy when stuck inside for too long. That's me. I used to fit in the first group. At times, I still do. But only for about a day or two. Then I get bored and need to leave. But to go where? I'm tired of calling people and thinking of things to go out and do. Every once in a while, it would be nice to have my phone ring without it being a callback. I shouldn't have to be the one always calling and making plans. And I try to not read too much into this, but sometimes it's hard not to. I mean. I know I have friends. I have people who care about me. People who love me. People who want to be with me. But apparently, they don't badly enough to pick up the damn phone and ask me how I am or what I'm up to. And no, this doesn't include everyone. And yes, I realize that some may be bussy. I mean, there are a handful of people that call from time to time to see how I am. Or who call to invite me somewhere or to just hang out for no reason. It's just that the majority don't, and it starts to get irritating. So, basically, I'm gonna take a break from it all. If people want to see me, they can call me. If that means I won't be going out with actual people for a while, then so be it. I'll do things for me. Don't need other people to do that. And you know what? Maybe after I'm gone for a month with no way but e-mail to contact me, people will stop taking me for granted.