Apr 23, 2005 18:33
No guy has ever brought me flowers. I find that somewhat odd and very sad. I was watching a movie and that thought hit me. I've been given candy by a boy or two, but never flowers. Not even a long-term boyfriend, which there aren't many of. I don't really like flowers, but it would still be nice to get them from a guy once. Or even twice. But actually. At this point in time. It would be nice to just have a date with a guy. Or a kiss. I haven't been kissed since the beginning of January. And by that, I mean the 3rd. It's been a long time. I'm starting to get more and more depressed about the fact that I have no guy in my life. I don't need a guy. I would just like to have someone. Someone I care for, and who cares for me as well. I don't really think I'm asking for too much, but apparently I am. Every morning I wake up knowing that I'm alone. Every night I go to sleep knowing that another day has passed and nothing has changed. Every day I hope that someone will come along to change all that, but am continuously disappointed that no one ever does. I've been in love once, but he never even knew I loved him until after the relationship ended. Would it have made a difference if he had known? Probably not. Every new relationship I enter, I somehow sabotage, without even knowing it. I want to meet someone new and fall in love again. But I am doubtful that will happen. No time soon at least. I don't even have any prospects. I think that's the most discouraging time. When there is no one to even dream about. I do dream about someone. I don't think I will ever stop. I wish I could, but it doesn't happen. I know he doesn't dream about me. Not like that at least. If he does, he'll never tell me. Why can't I just forget and move on? Maybe because there is no one to move on to. I wish there was, but there simply isn't. And even when there is, I never completely move on. I don't even want to anymore. To quote a very good movie: It wasn't over for me. It's still not over. I guess I'll just have to continue to dream and hope that one day, someone will take me back to reality, and make me not dread being here.