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There is a moment of stillness inside the centrefuge where there is absolute clarity.
I was about to type, "lately, I feel like life is at extreme break-neck speed," but then I realized that this isn't any sort of new statement. Wisdom has taught me that I thrive on living the fast-paced life I lead and there's no reason to pretend like it's anything but self-imposed.
It's quiet in my office right now. It's quiet because I am working an hour overtime because my boss was gracious enough to let me off early this Friday to attend
veins_of_ink and
jane_stclaire 's wedding rehearsal. It's quiet because it's past the hours when most people are buzzing around work, constantly throwing a million little and big tasks at me, eroding away my work hours one bit at a time. No, I'm not complaining. I LOVE my job. LOVE. I have never loved a job this much, as long as I can remember. I am respected, appreciated, over-worked and finally in a position to own what I do. It's wonderful. But oh, how the hours go. I wish I had like ten assistants to help me.
This week is going to be daunting and it's already half over. I'm hoping that my haircut tomorrow night rules, that my face clears up more so I don't feel all self conscious on Saturday and that I do a really good job marrying Josh and La. I feel confident that I'll do well, but... you know. It's for my really close friends so I want to make it THE BEST day for them. I hope I don't curse or accidentally yell "PENIS!" really loud during the ceremony (crosses fingers).
I also have to admit being a bit self conscious about this weekend. I'm going to be seeing a bunch of old high school chums at Josh n La's wedding and I can't shake the feeling that I'll be on display and judged- am I still cute? Did I get fat? Have all my looks gone to trash? Is my job respectable enough? I know they're silly thoughts, but I'm all sorts of down on myself lately feeling drained and ugly and pizza-faced. It's no good. And yeah, I don't have to really spend too much time around the annoying people, but still... I have a fear of being judged again like some of these people judged me in high school. And I just want to go and have a good time and say SOD OFF to the blighters.
At least I totally win in the hot husband category. Take that bitches!
And on top of all this, I totally forgot to mention this whole wedding thing to danimalarkey who is flying in from Chicago to hang out with us this weekend. Well, not ONLY us, but you know. And that makes me feel like a complete asshole to be like... OH HI! Thanks for coming... um, we gotta go do this thing that will take a bunch of time... you canz stay onz tha couch n plai Guitr Heeroh Plz K thnx Bai!
Seriously though. I need a good cry and some cocoa.
I was about to type, "lately, I feel like life is at extreme break-neck speed," but then I realized that this isn't any sort of new statement. Wisdom has taught me that I thrive on living the fast-paced life I lead and there's no reason to pretend like it's anything but self-imposed.
It's quiet in my office right now. It's quiet because I am working an hour overtime because my boss was gracious enough to let me off early this Friday to attend
veins_of_ink and
jane_stclaire 's wedding rehearsal. It's quiet because it's past the hours when most people are buzzing around work, constantly throwing a million little and big tasks at me, eroding away my work hours one bit at a time. No, I'm not complaining. I LOVE my job. LOVE. I have never loved a job this much, as long as I can remember. I am respected, appreciated, over-worked and finally in a position to own what I do. It's wonderful. But oh, how the hours go. I wish I had like ten assistants to help me.
This week is going to be daunting and it's already half over. I'm hoping that my haircut tomorrow night rules, that my face clears up more so I don't feel all self conscious on Saturday and that I do a really good job marrying Josh and La. I feel confident that I'll do well, but... you know. It's for my really close friends so I want to make it THE BEST day for them. I hope I don't curse or accidentally yell "PENIS!" really loud during the ceremony (crosses fingers).
I also have to admit being a bit self conscious about this weekend. I'm going to be seeing a bunch of old high school chums at Josh n La's wedding and I can't shake the feeling that I'll be on display and judged- am I still cute? Did I get fat? Have all my looks gone to trash? Is my job respectable enough? I know they're silly thoughts, but I'm all sorts of down on myself lately feeling drained and ugly and pizza-faced. It's no good. And yeah, I don't have to really spend too much time around the annoying people, but still... I have a fear of being judged again like some of these people judged me in high school. And I just want to go and have a good time and say SOD OFF to the blighters.
At least I totally win in the hot husband category. Take that bitches!
And on top of all this, I totally forgot to mention this whole wedding thing to danimalarkey who is flying in from Chicago to hang out with us this weekend. Well, not ONLY us, but you know. And that makes me feel like a complete asshole to be like... OH HI! Thanks for coming... um, we gotta go do this thing that will take a bunch of time... you canz stay onz tha couch n plai Guitr Heeroh Plz K thnx Bai!
Seriously though. I need a good cry and some cocoa.