(no subject)
Well I havent updated for awhile. Loads has been happening; had dancing exam, last day of dancing, saw Jack (thought it was going to be for the last time).....
Last night I did my last lessons at Cardwell Theatre School. In my private ballet lesson with Ms Manda I gave her, her present and card...she opened the card and read the epic (my trademark) and she got all teary...*sigh*. Though I dont normally admit it i was abit teary too. Its weird I got pretty upset about saying goodbye to Manda and Alicia but I just cant seem to get upset about Lynda..I think its because I know I'm definately going to see her again....she not going to dissapear!
Its hard think that she has known me for 15years! Thats probably a quarter of her lifetime. She wrote me a lovely card and gave me a really nice present. Ahh well I have Lynda and Mand's e-mail so i will DEFINATLY keep intouch!
My dancing exam on thursday (yes I know my orders all fucked) went really well, though before hand I was really nervouse and felt physically sick..partly because I hadnt done any practise (not a stich) and partly becasue when the exam was over it meant it was closer to the time when I had to see Jack!
I was meeting him in ST ANN's SQUARE by the fountain at 8:00pm! As I walked over I saw him leaning against a wall......I shall condense the meeting......we went to this empty bar....I had decided before I got there to never see or talk to him again, I was very closed and curt. We began to chat but I got impatient and so dragged the conversation onto the issue's in hand. He basically said: " If was to be selfish....I clearly adore you, you make me laugh which is incredibly rare for a woman,beautiful (blah blah)..so being selfish of course I'd want you around" but its about respect...him respecting me and me respecting myself. "But,for your sanity and respect I think you should get out and save yourself..."..so i knew that was happening..its what I had been waiting for, what happened next I Did Not expect.
Jack leant back in his chair and started telling this story about his child hood: basically he talked for a very long time telling me all these different situations with his parents growing up and about going to a shrink and his siblings relationship with him and his parents, Jack has being seriously emotionally damaged by his parents and the reason he is so reserved (even though it drives me crazy) with his feelings and thoughts is because he's afraid that he will get shot down just like his parent used to do. That evening gave me alot of insight into Jack and now I'm not going anywhere...I think I can be someone for him to talk to and ofcourse I enjoy his company too.