The Unruly Firehose
Welcome to today's edition of, "When Things Go Terribly Wrong".
Your alarm clock rings with a deafening roar. It's far too early to be awake, but you have obligations this morning. In a tired stupor you cancel the buzzing and clumsily get out of bed. The second you're on your feet you are overcome with a saturating need to urinate. Still dazed, you stumble to the bathroom and turn on the light. It's absolutely blinding but that's not enough to fully wake you up. Groggily, you pull down your boxers and let loose the thunderous fluids--What's this?? OH SWEET WONDER OF ZION, NOOO!!! It comes out in a ferocious spray, shooting in four different directions! The radius of the spray is far greater than the radius of the toilet, and it's coming out too fast to stop! In a desparate attempt at damage control you bend down to get closer to the lid, but it's to no avail! You curse the day you were born and wish madly for a urinal as Old Faithful bursts in unnatural directions. For a solid thirty seconds it is chaos, and then finally the spray evens back out to its normal one stream track. But the damage has been done, as you have just turned your bathroom floor into ground zero. You find that the debacle has accomplished what neither the blaring alarm clock nor the piercing light could, as you are now in a state of total wakefulness, your heart beating like you'd just run a marathon. But you didn't just run a marathon. You peed on the floor.
Well, that's it for today's edition of, "When Things Go Terribly Wrong". Tune in next week, when little Timmy finds Grandpa's secret lockbox.
Your alarm clock rings with a deafening roar. It's far too early to be awake, but you have obligations this morning. In a tired stupor you cancel the buzzing and clumsily get out of bed. The second you're on your feet you are overcome with a saturating need to urinate. Still dazed, you stumble to the bathroom and turn on the light. It's absolutely blinding but that's not enough to fully wake you up. Groggily, you pull down your boxers and let loose the thunderous fluids--What's this?? OH SWEET WONDER OF ZION, NOOO!!! It comes out in a ferocious spray, shooting in four different directions! The radius of the spray is far greater than the radius of the toilet, and it's coming out too fast to stop! In a desparate attempt at damage control you bend down to get closer to the lid, but it's to no avail! You curse the day you were born and wish madly for a urinal as Old Faithful bursts in unnatural directions. For a solid thirty seconds it is chaos, and then finally the spray evens back out to its normal one stream track. But the damage has been done, as you have just turned your bathroom floor into ground zero. You find that the debacle has accomplished what neither the blaring alarm clock nor the piercing light could, as you are now in a state of total wakefulness, your heart beating like you'd just run a marathon. But you didn't just run a marathon. You peed on the floor.
Well, that's it for today's edition of, "When Things Go Terribly Wrong". Tune in next week, when little Timmy finds Grandpa's secret lockbox.