general tsao's chicken and loneliness
chinese food is supposed to make you really hungry again after you finish your sesame chicken combo meal with fried rice, right? hell no. dear god, nothing else I've ever eaten in my life fills me up like the fine americanized versions of chinese food. next time, I might try seseme chicken's spicey brother, general tsao's chicken for extra flavor. this thought brings me back to a time when I couldn't even eat spicy food without freaking out. then again, that was also in the same time period where I wore sweat pants to school and cracked my voice in front of girls. my how times have changed.
it's funny how little time affects my state of mind. years have gone by and I really don't think I've grown, but that's ok. tonight I watched the series finale of Alias and the season finale of 24 all on my 32" wide screen high definition TV listening to it in 5.1 surround sound all wrapped up in my binary fleece blanket while eating the chinese take out mentioned above only to be washed down by a mike's hard lemonade. where I may fail in some respects, I make up for it in comforts and technology.
and you know what? I love it. but that leads me to something else. what do I do now? I'm finishing up MCC finally. on a side note, keep all your little "about damn time" jokes to yourselves. sure, it's taken a little while and I know that. but the next time I hear someone try to comfort me for taking 6 years and covering up my poor academic performance with some pseudonym about a different life path, I'm gonna start a ruckus. yes, I said ruckus. it's just all these themes of fate, life, adventure, things coming to an end have been drowning my senses lately. I'm left to wonder if this is some cosmic sign or am I just reading into things a little too much. logic dictates that I should stick with the later answer but I like the first one so much better.
then again, I've also been thinking about this ol' journal here. myspace really has taken over most of my web browsing and in all honesty, I'm frightened to know how many times a day I check the stupid thing. I suppose it fills a carnal need for attention and vanity that my livejournal just can't. as I said, myspace is horrifically vain and my profile covers mostly the surface facts about me. then again, my posts on livejournal, as rare as they may be, covers what goes through my head and various experiences and views of my life. my question is, what's the best way to learn who someone really is?
that was why I originally started this journal five and a half years ago and only through a couple entries was I able to succeed. to help people know who I am. my passions, my aspirations, my everything. and of course, I want feedback. I lied when earlier I said I haven't grown because really, I have. I've been trying to write about this for months now but I'll be straight up about it. the problem really is that I don't feel that I'm close with anyone anymore and it's a terribly lonely thing. hell, I live alone right now. instead of being a cat lady with 30 cats, I have computers, ipods and various other technological gadgetry. that and I'm not a lady. kthx.
it's hard to ignore the feeling that no one really gives a damn. I just hope I'm not the only one that feels this way. no matter, my primary goal this summer is to feel like I belong somewhere. if I can accomplish such a feat, I'll be quite happy.
i have waited for this day
to feel I'm fitting in
and i have longed to feel this way
to be alive again
i came back, back
back to, life
i came back, back
back to, life
i came back
it's funny how little time affects my state of mind. years have gone by and I really don't think I've grown, but that's ok. tonight I watched the series finale of Alias and the season finale of 24 all on my 32" wide screen high definition TV listening to it in 5.1 surround sound all wrapped up in my binary fleece blanket while eating the chinese take out mentioned above only to be washed down by a mike's hard lemonade. where I may fail in some respects, I make up for it in comforts and technology.
and you know what? I love it. but that leads me to something else. what do I do now? I'm finishing up MCC finally. on a side note, keep all your little "about damn time" jokes to yourselves. sure, it's taken a little while and I know that. but the next time I hear someone try to comfort me for taking 6 years and covering up my poor academic performance with some pseudonym about a different life path, I'm gonna start a ruckus. yes, I said ruckus. it's just all these themes of fate, life, adventure, things coming to an end have been drowning my senses lately. I'm left to wonder if this is some cosmic sign or am I just reading into things a little too much. logic dictates that I should stick with the later answer but I like the first one so much better.
then again, I've also been thinking about this ol' journal here. myspace really has taken over most of my web browsing and in all honesty, I'm frightened to know how many times a day I check the stupid thing. I suppose it fills a carnal need for attention and vanity that my livejournal just can't. as I said, myspace is horrifically vain and my profile covers mostly the surface facts about me. then again, my posts on livejournal, as rare as they may be, covers what goes through my head and various experiences and views of my life. my question is, what's the best way to learn who someone really is?
that was why I originally started this journal five and a half years ago and only through a couple entries was I able to succeed. to help people know who I am. my passions, my aspirations, my everything. and of course, I want feedback. I lied when earlier I said I haven't grown because really, I have. I've been trying to write about this for months now but I'll be straight up about it. the problem really is that I don't feel that I'm close with anyone anymore and it's a terribly lonely thing. hell, I live alone right now. instead of being a cat lady with 30 cats, I have computers, ipods and various other technological gadgetry. that and I'm not a lady. kthx.
it's hard to ignore the feeling that no one really gives a damn. I just hope I'm not the only one that feels this way. no matter, my primary goal this summer is to feel like I belong somewhere. if I can accomplish such a feat, I'll be quite happy.
i have waited for this day
to feel I'm fitting in
and i have longed to feel this way
to be alive again
i came back, back
back to, life
i came back, back
back to, life
i came back