(no subject)
6:47pm 6.29
I don't know how I got here. Today has been hell, these demons haven't left me alone. I keep thinking of that night and how much pain I was in. Keep remembering how I went into shock because I couldn't bear to see my family's face, Pain...HUrt...I feel like a zombie..Worse, I feel hollow..I think of reasons to stay here and I find a handful..A handful to keep me going? To keep this heart beating? I wish I can stop feeling this way but I cant. I think of a future that seems to never come, a time where these thoughts won't haunt me anymore. But it seems like it will never come to pass, I'll never be rid of this sorrow. It feels like I was born to suffer, to hurt and whenever I might be happy to be brought down by it.
Every other thought is of that night..Why is it haunting me now? why can't it just go away..I want to sleep and not wake up..maybe one of these days.
I just feel like giving up..Part of me has already. Just give up completely.
3:31am
He walked away from me again..I am wrong per usual..It's the norm when it comes to me. I am always wrong, always at fault and apparently always causing problems. I tried to stay upbeat today not bothering him with my shit since his was as shitty but i can't seem to please him. He ignores me now and goes to sleep, while I sit here in tears. Again and again.
inch by inch it breaks.
I don't know how I got here. Today has been hell, these demons haven't left me alone. I keep thinking of that night and how much pain I was in. Keep remembering how I went into shock because I couldn't bear to see my family's face, Pain...HUrt...I feel like a zombie..Worse, I feel hollow..I think of reasons to stay here and I find a handful..A handful to keep me going? To keep this heart beating? I wish I can stop feeling this way but I cant. I think of a future that seems to never come, a time where these thoughts won't haunt me anymore. But it seems like it will never come to pass, I'll never be rid of this sorrow. It feels like I was born to suffer, to hurt and whenever I might be happy to be brought down by it.
Every other thought is of that night..Why is it haunting me now? why can't it just go away..I want to sleep and not wake up..maybe one of these days.
I just feel like giving up..Part of me has already. Just give up completely.
3:31am
He walked away from me again..I am wrong per usual..It's the norm when it comes to me. I am always wrong, always at fault and apparently always causing problems. I tried to stay upbeat today not bothering him with my shit since his was as shitty but i can't seem to please him. He ignores me now and goes to sleep, while I sit here in tears. Again and again.
inch by inch it breaks.