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so times change and so do people. but i have come to realize that i don't and never will. thats why i cant continue on the road i was previously on. ill end up ripping a heart out. and destroying mine in the process. its dead now anyway. it cant work because im an idiot. the one person i felt right with doesn't deserve the person i was or still am for that matter. i doubt ill ever be able to be the person she needs. i tried to change i really did. and i think i have. but i wont know until im in that situation again. and we both cant spare the time to roll the dice. as much as i think about her and as much as i feel for her. it still doesn't amount to what this woman should have. ive been treating girls like queens for a while, who weren't even princess's. the whole time i had the one who made me forget about royalty. and now i have nothing. i don't have her. i prolly wont have a place to live soon. i don't have a job. i don't have a car. not a penny to my name. the amount of hope left in my bloodstream is lower then my vitamin c count for today. my best friend is moving in a few weeks. which will basically make me hide away from everyone for quite a bit. ive spent the last few years with him everyday. and bam hes gonna be gone. now i see why people made such a fuss about me leaving. the thing is he wont come back. maybe to visit. but he will never live here again. which rips me apart. i have other best friends but if i had to pick anyone as my best friend for life. its him. and now im screwed without him. it seems as though i thought my life was falling apart all this time. and well that was just warning signs. and i ignored them. because im an idiot. i had fun while i lasted. but im about to hang the party shoes up to dry. nonetheless im gonna go lay in bed and try to fall asleep. i wont for a while. which will give me time to think about how much my past has ruined the present for me. goodnite.