Not as We [oneshot]
Title: Not as We
Author: Eru (me)
Genre: angst
Pairing: AoiXUruha (gazette)
Rating: PG
Beta : Heather aka leifang666 (THANKYOU)
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: they own me and make me write them fucking each other.<<
Shivering slightly from the chill, Aoi opened his eyes and sighed.
Day one. Start over again.
He stared at the ceiling for good 10 minutes, barely blinking, recalling memories of the previous week. Oh, how stupid he was, walking after Uruha, begging him to stay, calling him three times a day saying he’s sorry for whatever he’d done and that everything’s gonna be alright, and that they still can make it work…
He sighed again deeply. He was barely making sense these days, deep inside he knew there was nothing wrong with him or Uruha. It’s just that all good things come to an end eventually. But the feeling was still there. Like he was reborn: unsure, quivering, jumping up to every sound. It was a weird feeling, like being settled on a new terrain,- cold, unkind, insane. He was frightened to face another day since Uruha moved out of the apartment they shared for years now. Leaving nothing but a few pictures and lots of memories. Aoi tried to hold on, behave like he used to before, faking smiles and telling his friends he’s okay and he’ll live through this like through any other dark phase. But when he was left alone in his house, in the morning, when he woke up, at night when he tried his hardest to warm the now cold bed and cried himself to sleep. It was a big loss. Uruha was a big loss. The biggest ever, Aoi thought. Their love was unconditional, love at first sight, since high school.
Aoi smiled to himself thinking about how he and Uruha used to sneak out of their parent’s houses at night to spend time with each other, walking on the beach, holding each other, making love on the park bench or in the nearby bushes.
Silly, ultimate, immense and unconditional… Aoi thought bitterly, over the years they come to take each other for granted and now the love was gone. Uruha always was bolder than Aoi, maybe he should be thankful that the other took responsibility for their breakup, protecting Aoi from guilt and shame for abandoning his lover.- The brunette’s smile grew wider at that bitter state, - “he still cares”- he mouthed softly.
Even leaving me alone, even saying those horrible words I never wanted to hear. I never thought I’d hear..
Yesterday he came to realize he has no more tears to cry over this, things will never be the same again. Uruha left him and after all those years together it’s like learning to walk again.
Finally, the brunette stood up from the bed, quickly dressing up and walked into the kitchen to have his usual morning coffee. They never dressed in the morning, he snorted to himself, unless one of them was terribly late to work, Aoi thought. When they were together there was warmth in their home, even when the weather was awfully cold. Now Aoi puts on his warm sweater everyday.
Yeah it’s a harsh weather, even for November,- he thought standing against the window, wiping frozen steam from the window with his sleeve, the rain is gone but the sight is oppressive, the sky is dark grey, overcast with rain clouds, seems like the sun won’t have a chance to peek out of the clouds and warm up the frozen ground, covered with fallen leaves, yellow, brown, red. Uruha loved autumn, they used to go to the park on weekends, walking on the fallen leaves and taking pictures of trees, still dressed in multicolored leaves. He did it everyday since Uruha called it quit. He got up every morning, dress up and made coffee and then went to check the weather, waiting for it to change for the better. He didn’t know why he did it, but just did. And today something was different. The grief. The pain, regret and sorrow. They were still there. But something was there as well as grief and regret…
HOPE
Aoi’s eyes widened, he realized that the thing he was hoping for was not Uruha’s comeback.
It was warmth.
Just warmth, some thing only another human can give you. The warmth of a soul.
Suddenly the brunette rushed to the phone dialing a familiar number. He waited a few moments listening to beeping sound till the click on the other side announced that someone picked up.
"Hey, Reita, got plans for today?"
" Ah, Aoi, hi there. How are you?" - his friend yawned on the other side of the phone, his voice hoarse from sleep.
"I`m fine, care to join me in shopping today? I need a lot of new things now, you know",- dark haired man gesticulated not realizing the other can’t see him.
" Okay, gimme a couple of hours to get myself into appropriate state and I’ll come pick you up, deal?"
" Deal. Can’t wait to see you. "
"Bye"
He stood in the hallway smiling, still clutching the phone tightly, before rushing back to the window, where he stood not long ago. And then again, millions of thoughts rushed through his head this very moment, from the very beginning of their “Us” together, every single day together. Every happy day, every bad one. Every fight, every sleepless night. Every “we” he said. Every “we” he heard Uruha saying. He begins from scratch today. His mouth formed the words his head barely registered.
This time I as I
Not as We
The sun reflected in his dark eyes, the sun boldly coming out from the rain clouds.
___________
the end
a\n: i wrote it just becuz i felt angsty and Alanis Morissette`s song "not as we" refused to leave my head. it`s so sad...i tried to write crack for last couple of days and it turned out angst again)))
sorry!
i`m a commentwhore, mind that deciding against commenting. next time i`ll write you.
Author: Eru (me)
Genre: angst
Pairing: AoiXUruha (gazette)
Rating: PG
Beta : Heather aka leifang666 (THANKYOU)
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: they own me and make me write them fucking each other.<<
Shivering slightly from the chill, Aoi opened his eyes and sighed.
Day one. Start over again.
He stared at the ceiling for good 10 minutes, barely blinking, recalling memories of the previous week. Oh, how stupid he was, walking after Uruha, begging him to stay, calling him three times a day saying he’s sorry for whatever he’d done and that everything’s gonna be alright, and that they still can make it work…
He sighed again deeply. He was barely making sense these days, deep inside he knew there was nothing wrong with him or Uruha. It’s just that all good things come to an end eventually. But the feeling was still there. Like he was reborn: unsure, quivering, jumping up to every sound. It was a weird feeling, like being settled on a new terrain,- cold, unkind, insane. He was frightened to face another day since Uruha moved out of the apartment they shared for years now. Leaving nothing but a few pictures and lots of memories. Aoi tried to hold on, behave like he used to before, faking smiles and telling his friends he’s okay and he’ll live through this like through any other dark phase. But when he was left alone in his house, in the morning, when he woke up, at night when he tried his hardest to warm the now cold bed and cried himself to sleep. It was a big loss. Uruha was a big loss. The biggest ever, Aoi thought. Their love was unconditional, love at first sight, since high school.
Aoi smiled to himself thinking about how he and Uruha used to sneak out of their parent’s houses at night to spend time with each other, walking on the beach, holding each other, making love on the park bench or in the nearby bushes.
Silly, ultimate, immense and unconditional… Aoi thought bitterly, over the years they come to take each other for granted and now the love was gone. Uruha always was bolder than Aoi, maybe he should be thankful that the other took responsibility for their breakup, protecting Aoi from guilt and shame for abandoning his lover.- The brunette’s smile grew wider at that bitter state, - “he still cares”- he mouthed softly.
Even leaving me alone, even saying those horrible words I never wanted to hear. I never thought I’d hear..
Yesterday he came to realize he has no more tears to cry over this, things will never be the same again. Uruha left him and after all those years together it’s like learning to walk again.
Finally, the brunette stood up from the bed, quickly dressing up and walked into the kitchen to have his usual morning coffee. They never dressed in the morning, he snorted to himself, unless one of them was terribly late to work, Aoi thought. When they were together there was warmth in their home, even when the weather was awfully cold. Now Aoi puts on his warm sweater everyday.
Yeah it’s a harsh weather, even for November,- he thought standing against the window, wiping frozen steam from the window with his sleeve, the rain is gone but the sight is oppressive, the sky is dark grey, overcast with rain clouds, seems like the sun won’t have a chance to peek out of the clouds and warm up the frozen ground, covered with fallen leaves, yellow, brown, red. Uruha loved autumn, they used to go to the park on weekends, walking on the fallen leaves and taking pictures of trees, still dressed in multicolored leaves. He did it everyday since Uruha called it quit. He got up every morning, dress up and made coffee and then went to check the weather, waiting for it to change for the better. He didn’t know why he did it, but just did. And today something was different. The grief. The pain, regret and sorrow. They were still there. But something was there as well as grief and regret…
HOPE
Aoi’s eyes widened, he realized that the thing he was hoping for was not Uruha’s comeback.
It was warmth.
Just warmth, some thing only another human can give you. The warmth of a soul.
Suddenly the brunette rushed to the phone dialing a familiar number. He waited a few moments listening to beeping sound till the click on the other side announced that someone picked up.
"Hey, Reita, got plans for today?"
" Ah, Aoi, hi there. How are you?" - his friend yawned on the other side of the phone, his voice hoarse from sleep.
"I`m fine, care to join me in shopping today? I need a lot of new things now, you know",- dark haired man gesticulated not realizing the other can’t see him.
" Okay, gimme a couple of hours to get myself into appropriate state and I’ll come pick you up, deal?"
" Deal. Can’t wait to see you. "
"Bye"
He stood in the hallway smiling, still clutching the phone tightly, before rushing back to the window, where he stood not long ago. And then again, millions of thoughts rushed through his head this very moment, from the very beginning of their “Us” together, every single day together. Every happy day, every bad one. Every fight, every sleepless night. Every “we” he said. Every “we” he heard Uruha saying. He begins from scratch today. His mouth formed the words his head barely registered.
This time I as I
Not as We
The sun reflected in his dark eyes, the sun boldly coming out from the rain clouds.
___________
the end
a\n: i wrote it just becuz i felt angsty and Alanis Morissette`s song "not as we" refused to leave my head. it`s so sad...i tried to write crack for last couple of days and it turned out angst again)))
sorry!
i`m a commentwhore, mind that deciding against commenting. next time i`ll write you.