looking for new car
so its like almost noon and i have been drinking for almost 2 hours im trying to find a new car . my car blew up ( well the engine blew up ). its kind of symbolic in a sense . it was going to either be me or the car , if it wouldnt have blown i wouldnt probally be here anymore .... going to the bar at 2pm when you get off work and trying to drink the pain away till closing , then driving home sleeping for 2 to 3 hours till your bad dreams start again . getting up and following the same pattern everyday it was bound to end badly . this is just a world full of human wreckage i dont want to be another casualty but somedays i cant help but thimk that is really all i am ..
i have tried to forgive to forget it all just gets thrown in my face . i reached out i let people back in and they let me down ( all except for you jen * i love you starfish )im tired of being stuck in the middle of this tug of war you two have going . i just wanted to go back in time ( when i could trust you - when everything was ok ) again i made the mistake of thinking you cared . i really didnt need this right now my heart was already shattered , did you know that that night i was so happy i thought it was all behind us all the bullshit , i told chris about it the next day . that i finally felt like i could talk to you without holding back that i could *trust* you again . such a big word it took me years to get there . you know when chris died i tried to call you , you made me feel like you would be there if i needed you . i guess i was wrong ...
you know im not to sure what to do with myself right now . i know i need to stop drinking myself to sleep every night . i need to step back out in the world and face the places i have come to fear the most . i need to live , to not hesitate any more . take what is given to me and enjoy it never take it for granted that the person you care about will still be there the next morning because there is a chance they wont , sometimes things dont go the way you planned
i have tried to forgive to forget it all just gets thrown in my face . i reached out i let people back in and they let me down ( all except for you jen * i love you starfish )im tired of being stuck in the middle of this tug of war you two have going . i just wanted to go back in time ( when i could trust you - when everything was ok ) again i made the mistake of thinking you cared . i really didnt need this right now my heart was already shattered , did you know that that night i was so happy i thought it was all behind us all the bullshit , i told chris about it the next day . that i finally felt like i could talk to you without holding back that i could *trust* you again . such a big word it took me years to get there . you know when chris died i tried to call you , you made me feel like you would be there if i needed you . i guess i was wrong ...
you know im not to sure what to do with myself right now . i know i need to stop drinking myself to sleep every night . i need to step back out in the world and face the places i have come to fear the most . i need to live , to not hesitate any more . take what is given to me and enjoy it never take it for granted that the person you care about will still be there the next morning because there is a chance they wont , sometimes things dont go the way you planned