fucking hockey temper
So i guess i should start off with i need to learn to not check this or update when i have been out drinking with the boys . when i drink i speak and write without thought ......
first and foremost when people say " dance with the devil and youll get burned " they are right . i danced with the devil for years and never paid . honestly now i can say i have paid for my sins and most of yours too . the crimes i have committed against others and myself . I hope the devil now has his due .
I know in my heart that i am still the same person i was years ago . i havent been able to let go of my past , i never will . the things i have done and the people who were in my life they will stay with me forever . they are why i am here today . most of them are still in my life today , just a call or a few hours in a car away . they held my hair back when i threw up my guts detoxing , they have given me unconditional love . you cant ask for more . The one that i lost this year is another reason my past will never leave me . i will never let him go . the person i loved more than i was able to love myself took his own life , to make up for all the wrong he put in this world , and the life of someone eles that he ended with his hands . i will never be able to wash the blood from my own . there are things you have to hold onto , people you can never let go of . if i did i would be letting go of my heart , some of the best things i ever held onto .
the chemicals that i have put into my body , my own choice . i have never forced anyone to watch me do these things or do them with me . i put me on the line no one eles . and everything i touch does turn to shit . i can deal with the fact that i was there the day that someone i cared for greatly overdosed and died in my apt . that he had a 6 year old daughter and a son on the way . seeing him blue in a pile of vomit is with me everyday , and everytime i close my eyes . i know two people lost their son that morning also . i paid for it , and i survied .
i am a product of having no fear . im not afraid to fuck up , say something mean , making an ass of myself , to own up to all the fucked up shit im guilty of doing . im not scared of what is yet to come , and i wont ever be . im not afraid to die , ive wished for it to happen so many times it's not even funny .
i could have slept with him , i couldnt do it . you were there in the recesses of my mind so you see , thats why or one of the reasons i have all this anger , i couldnt do to you what you were willing to do to me . what you had tried to do before , he wasnt the first person i was with , you were interested in . and it is history , but it still made the sting that much worse . i might be 100 times more hardcore than you , but believe me hardcore still has a jimminy crickett .
so with all that being said , im going to board that plane to cleveland on friday . i will take everything that matters with me in the end . it is all stored in my heart . ( yes i do have one and contrary to popular belief it does beat ). im going to take it all the good and the bad , you see even the bad shit gave me something good . after all of this i found someone to stand by me for all of this shit and hold my hand . you are everything you have been since you walked into my life 2 years ago . just get some sleep .
so im going to take me and my hockey temper ass ( thanks for the nickname mike *** i love you ) and go spend my last two days here with my mary-kate ( thanks for being the good twin ) and her baby . thank you for trusting me with her , she is the light i never realized was missing from my life . one day ill have a child of my own and it will be the right time and with someone that wont let me down . he hasnt yet right ? almost 2 years . love you
tomorrow is always a new day right ?
first and foremost when people say " dance with the devil and youll get burned " they are right . i danced with the devil for years and never paid . honestly now i can say i have paid for my sins and most of yours too . the crimes i have committed against others and myself . I hope the devil now has his due .
I know in my heart that i am still the same person i was years ago . i havent been able to let go of my past , i never will . the things i have done and the people who were in my life they will stay with me forever . they are why i am here today . most of them are still in my life today , just a call or a few hours in a car away . they held my hair back when i threw up my guts detoxing , they have given me unconditional love . you cant ask for more . The one that i lost this year is another reason my past will never leave me . i will never let him go . the person i loved more than i was able to love myself took his own life , to make up for all the wrong he put in this world , and the life of someone eles that he ended with his hands . i will never be able to wash the blood from my own . there are things you have to hold onto , people you can never let go of . if i did i would be letting go of my heart , some of the best things i ever held onto .
the chemicals that i have put into my body , my own choice . i have never forced anyone to watch me do these things or do them with me . i put me on the line no one eles . and everything i touch does turn to shit . i can deal with the fact that i was there the day that someone i cared for greatly overdosed and died in my apt . that he had a 6 year old daughter and a son on the way . seeing him blue in a pile of vomit is with me everyday , and everytime i close my eyes . i know two people lost their son that morning also . i paid for it , and i survied .
i am a product of having no fear . im not afraid to fuck up , say something mean , making an ass of myself , to own up to all the fucked up shit im guilty of doing . im not scared of what is yet to come , and i wont ever be . im not afraid to die , ive wished for it to happen so many times it's not even funny .
i could have slept with him , i couldnt do it . you were there in the recesses of my mind so you see , thats why or one of the reasons i have all this anger , i couldnt do to you what you were willing to do to me . what you had tried to do before , he wasnt the first person i was with , you were interested in . and it is history , but it still made the sting that much worse . i might be 100 times more hardcore than you , but believe me hardcore still has a jimminy crickett .
so with all that being said , im going to board that plane to cleveland on friday . i will take everything that matters with me in the end . it is all stored in my heart . ( yes i do have one and contrary to popular belief it does beat ). im going to take it all the good and the bad , you see even the bad shit gave me something good . after all of this i found someone to stand by me for all of this shit and hold my hand . you are everything you have been since you walked into my life 2 years ago . just get some sleep .
so im going to take me and my hockey temper ass ( thanks for the nickname mike *** i love you ) and go spend my last two days here with my mary-kate ( thanks for being the good twin ) and her baby . thank you for trusting me with her , she is the light i never realized was missing from my life . one day ill have a child of my own and it will be the right time and with someone that wont let me down . he hasnt yet right ? almost 2 years . love you
tomorrow is always a new day right ?