Rob-ee
INT. MORRIS’ LIQUOR EMPORIUM - NIGHT
Robbie, an attractive girl in her early-20’s, stands behind
a cash register flipping through a magazine. She wears a
billowy skirt and a white t-shirt containing a logo for the
store. Behind her, there are shelves on which a large sign
hangs that reads "Liquor Arrives Tomorrow!"
Robert, a nervous looking man about the same age as Robbie
enters. He wears a large coat, and his hands are in his
pocket. He wanders about the store, which is filled with
various snack food, some beers, and various other
knick-knacks. In the back corner of the store is a small
area from which the store can sell pizzas and subs.
Robert, having finally gotten up his nerve, approaches the
cash register.
ROBERT
Gimme...gimme all the money in the
drawer.
ROBBIE
Anything else I can - wait. What?
ROBERT
The cash. In the drawer. Give it
to me.
Robbie does nothing.
ROBERT
Please?
ROBBIE
(Sarcastically)
Well, if you’re going to be polite.
Robert now makes it apparent that there is what appears to
be a gun in his pocket, pointed at her.
ROBERT
I don’t have to be.
Robbie processes what is going on.
ROBBIE
Whoa. Okay. I’ll give it to
ya. But I gotta warn ya, it’s not
a lot.
2.
ROBERT
Why not?
Robbie motions behind her. Robert reads the sign.
ROBERT
Well...how much is there?
ROBBIE
I don’t know...maybe a hundred
bucks?
ROBERT
Um...um...okay...okay. Give it to
me anyway. Please.
She opens the drawer.
ROBBIE
Paper or plastic?
ROBERT
Paper. Or, wait. Do you have any
of those reusable bags?
ROBBIE
No. I’m trying to convince the
owners we should.
ROBERT
Yeah. Paper, then.
She starts emptying the drawer. He watches her closely.
ROBERT
You know...for what it’s
worth...you’re the prettiest girl
I’ve ever robbed.
ROBBIE
(Sarcastic)
And you’re the sweetest guy who’s
ever robbed me.
She hands him the bag of money.
ROBBIE
Here’s your money. Any other
demands?
ROBERT
Well, I didn’t really plan on this,
but...is your pizza any good?
3.
ROBBIE
With that gun, the price’ll be
right.
Robert smiles and laughs a little. Robbie joins him
briefly, then realizes what she’s laughing at. She changes
areas in the store to make him his pizza. He follows.
ROBERT
So what’s your name?
ROBBIE
Robbie.
He laughs.
ROBBIE
You think my name is funny?
ROBERT
No, no. It’s a pretty name. I
just think it’s funny...given the
situation.
ROBBIE
What about the situation?
ROBERT
Well, in this situation you would
be the rob-ee.
ROBBIE
Wow. You’re real funny. What’s
your name, funny-guy?
ROBERT
Robert.
ROBBIE
Robert the Robber?
ROBERT
So it would seem.
ROBBIE
That’s really fuckin’ stupid.
ROBERT
Shouldn’t you be making a pizza?
They both laugh. She preps the pizza, and opens the oven to
turn put it in.
4.
ROBERT
I’m sorry. For this.
Robbie turns back to face him, leaving the oven door open,
on which her skirt now rests.
ROBBIE
For sticking a gun in my face?
ROBERT
Hey, I never stuck it in your face.
He puts his arms up in an effort to claim his innocence, but
he has forgotten to take his hand off the gun. The gun is
revealed to be a brightly colored squirt gun.
ROBBIE
Seriously? You didn’t even paint
it black?
ROBERT
I couldn’t afford the paint.
ROBBIE
Wow. Did you load it?
Robert fires at her, hitting her in the chest leaving a spot
of water on her nipple. She feigns offense. They share an
awkward laugh. Robbie’s skirt is now noticeably on fire,
and Robert has finally noticed.
ROBERT
Uh...are you hot?
ROBBIE
I don’t know. Am I?
ROBERT
No...I mean...yes...you are...
They share a smile. Robert notices the fire again.
ROBERT
Oh shit. You’re...um...You’re on
fire.
ROBBIE
So are you. In one night: money,
pizza...maybe the girl.
ROBERT
No, like. Your skirt. Is on fire.
Robbie looks down, notices the fire.
5.
ROBBIE
Oh my God! Put me out, put me out!
Robert looks around, panicked. Starts trying to squirt the
fire with his gun.
ROBBIE
That’s not gonna work! Get a fire
extinguisher!
ROBERT
Where?
ROBBIE
The counter!
Robert runs back to the counter, slides over, gets the
extinguisher, runs back and puts the fire out. He sets the
fire extinguisher down as they both calm down.
ROBERT
Well that got out of hand.
They both laugh.
ROBERT
I should probably get
going. Forget about the pizza.
He starts to leave. Robbie grabs the fire extinguisher and
a marker and starts scribbling something on the
extinguisher.
ROBBIE
Robert. Wait.
She meets him in the middle of the store. They kiss. They
pull back, look each other deep in the eyes, and kiss again.
ROBBIE
Thanks for putting out my fire.
She shoves the fire extinguisher into his chest.
ROBBIE
Let’s do it again sometime.
ROBERT
How will I...
She looks at the extinguisher. He looks too. We see that
she has written her phone number on it. Robert turns to
exit the store, throwing the bag of money back on the
counter on his way out.
Robbie, an attractive girl in her early-20’s, stands behind
a cash register flipping through a magazine. She wears a
billowy skirt and a white t-shirt containing a logo for the
store. Behind her, there are shelves on which a large sign
hangs that reads "Liquor Arrives Tomorrow!"
Robert, a nervous looking man about the same age as Robbie
enters. He wears a large coat, and his hands are in his
pocket. He wanders about the store, which is filled with
various snack food, some beers, and various other
knick-knacks. In the back corner of the store is a small
area from which the store can sell pizzas and subs.
Robert, having finally gotten up his nerve, approaches the
cash register.
ROBERT
Gimme...gimme all the money in the
drawer.
ROBBIE
Anything else I can - wait. What?
ROBERT
The cash. In the drawer. Give it
to me.
Robbie does nothing.
ROBERT
Please?
ROBBIE
(Sarcastically)
Well, if you’re going to be polite.
Robert now makes it apparent that there is what appears to
be a gun in his pocket, pointed at her.
ROBERT
I don’t have to be.
Robbie processes what is going on.
ROBBIE
Whoa. Okay. I’ll give it to
ya. But I gotta warn ya, it’s not
a lot.
2.
ROBERT
Why not?
Robbie motions behind her. Robert reads the sign.
ROBERT
Well...how much is there?
ROBBIE
I don’t know...maybe a hundred
bucks?
ROBERT
Um...um...okay...okay. Give it to
me anyway. Please.
She opens the drawer.
ROBBIE
Paper or plastic?
ROBERT
Paper. Or, wait. Do you have any
of those reusable bags?
ROBBIE
No. I’m trying to convince the
owners we should.
ROBERT
Yeah. Paper, then.
She starts emptying the drawer. He watches her closely.
ROBERT
You know...for what it’s
worth...you’re the prettiest girl
I’ve ever robbed.
ROBBIE
(Sarcastic)
And you’re the sweetest guy who’s
ever robbed me.
She hands him the bag of money.
ROBBIE
Here’s your money. Any other
demands?
ROBERT
Well, I didn’t really plan on this,
but...is your pizza any good?
3.
ROBBIE
With that gun, the price’ll be
right.
Robert smiles and laughs a little. Robbie joins him
briefly, then realizes what she’s laughing at. She changes
areas in the store to make him his pizza. He follows.
ROBERT
So what’s your name?
ROBBIE
Robbie.
He laughs.
ROBBIE
You think my name is funny?
ROBERT
No, no. It’s a pretty name. I
just think it’s funny...given the
situation.
ROBBIE
What about the situation?
ROBERT
Well, in this situation you would
be the rob-ee.
ROBBIE
Wow. You’re real funny. What’s
your name, funny-guy?
ROBERT
Robert.
ROBBIE
Robert the Robber?
ROBERT
So it would seem.
ROBBIE
That’s really fuckin’ stupid.
ROBERT
Shouldn’t you be making a pizza?
They both laugh. She preps the pizza, and opens the oven to
turn put it in.
4.
ROBERT
I’m sorry. For this.
Robbie turns back to face him, leaving the oven door open,
on which her skirt now rests.
ROBBIE
For sticking a gun in my face?
ROBERT
Hey, I never stuck it in your face.
He puts his arms up in an effort to claim his innocence, but
he has forgotten to take his hand off the gun. The gun is
revealed to be a brightly colored squirt gun.
ROBBIE
Seriously? You didn’t even paint
it black?
ROBERT
I couldn’t afford the paint.
ROBBIE
Wow. Did you load it?
Robert fires at her, hitting her in the chest leaving a spot
of water on her nipple. She feigns offense. They share an
awkward laugh. Robbie’s skirt is now noticeably on fire,
and Robert has finally noticed.
ROBERT
Uh...are you hot?
ROBBIE
I don’t know. Am I?
ROBERT
No...I mean...yes...you are...
They share a smile. Robert notices the fire again.
ROBERT
Oh shit. You’re...um...You’re on
fire.
ROBBIE
So are you. In one night: money,
pizza...maybe the girl.
ROBERT
No, like. Your skirt. Is on fire.
Robbie looks down, notices the fire.
5.
ROBBIE
Oh my God! Put me out, put me out!
Robert looks around, panicked. Starts trying to squirt the
fire with his gun.
ROBBIE
That’s not gonna work! Get a fire
extinguisher!
ROBERT
Where?
ROBBIE
The counter!
Robert runs back to the counter, slides over, gets the
extinguisher, runs back and puts the fire out. He sets the
fire extinguisher down as they both calm down.
ROBERT
Well that got out of hand.
They both laugh.
ROBERT
I should probably get
going. Forget about the pizza.
He starts to leave. Robbie grabs the fire extinguisher and
a marker and starts scribbling something on the
extinguisher.
ROBBIE
Robert. Wait.
She meets him in the middle of the store. They kiss. They
pull back, look each other deep in the eyes, and kiss again.
ROBBIE
Thanks for putting out my fire.
She shoves the fire extinguisher into his chest.
ROBBIE
Let’s do it again sometime.
ROBERT
How will I...
She looks at the extinguisher. He looks too. We see that
she has written her phone number on it. Robert turns to
exit the store, throwing the bag of money back on the
counter on his way out.