Do I belong here?
I’m not a native to California. I was born in Hawaii, spend a couple years in Kentucky while my dad was stationed in Fort Campbell and then spent all of my childhood and adolescence in Germany.
If you know me, you can see the influence of being in Kentucky in my really early childhood. And you can see the effect of my quasi-isolation in Germany.
When my family finally moved back to the states for my dad's retirement from the Army, he picked California for his last assignment. For the longest time, I've LOVED it.
But lately, I've started to dislike Southern California. Everything is so superficial and fake here. You almost HAVE to be an asshole or a bitch to thrive here. And everything is based on how good you look.
You can seriously be passed up for a job based on your looks (they'll call it "presentability"). You can be completely ignored because you're number 100 out of 1000 guys when it comes to looks. You're appearance can dictate if they'll IMMEDIATELY place you in the "Friend's Zone" without getting to know you at all.
Looks, looks, looks... Yeah, I have a low self-esteem. But if you saw how much I've gotten passed over... Not that long ago, I was talking to this girl online and it seemed that I'd get a date out of it. Nope. As soon as she saw my picture, she dismissed me. I was just a friend.
Yeah, I guess I should have self-esteem from that, huh?
I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just not cut out for Southern California. I've been told repeatedly that not only do I look like a wanna-be redneck cowboy (because of the cowboy hat I sometimes wear and the Country music I listen to often), but I act like a Good 'ol Boy. I'm too nice, I'm told. Do I belong in the South or more East?
LOL, maybe subconsciously, I have a complex where I stupidly think that I don't have the looks, so I'll compensate from being nice and generous. But that gives you nothing. For a long time, I've thought it. But I'm starting to believe it more than ever.
I'm not an asshole. I don't have the Southern California confidence (I call it "arrogance"). I don't have the looks.
It's been 14 years since I moved here. I still feel like an outsider most of the time.
I don't think I belong here.
If you know me, you can see the influence of being in Kentucky in my really early childhood. And you can see the effect of my quasi-isolation in Germany.
When my family finally moved back to the states for my dad's retirement from the Army, he picked California for his last assignment. For the longest time, I've LOVED it.
But lately, I've started to dislike Southern California. Everything is so superficial and fake here. You almost HAVE to be an asshole or a bitch to thrive here. And everything is based on how good you look.
You can seriously be passed up for a job based on your looks (they'll call it "presentability"). You can be completely ignored because you're number 100 out of 1000 guys when it comes to looks. You're appearance can dictate if they'll IMMEDIATELY place you in the "Friend's Zone" without getting to know you at all.
Looks, looks, looks... Yeah, I have a low self-esteem. But if you saw how much I've gotten passed over... Not that long ago, I was talking to this girl online and it seemed that I'd get a date out of it. Nope. As soon as she saw my picture, she dismissed me. I was just a friend.
Yeah, I guess I should have self-esteem from that, huh?
I'm starting to think that maybe I'm just not cut out for Southern California. I've been told repeatedly that not only do I look like a wanna-be redneck cowboy (because of the cowboy hat I sometimes wear and the Country music I listen to often), but I act like a Good 'ol Boy. I'm too nice, I'm told. Do I belong in the South or more East?
LOL, maybe subconsciously, I have a complex where I stupidly think that I don't have the looks, so I'll compensate from being nice and generous. But that gives you nothing. For a long time, I've thought it. But I'm starting to believe it more than ever.
I'm not an asshole. I don't have the Southern California confidence (I call it "arrogance"). I don't have the looks.
It's been 14 years since I moved here. I still feel like an outsider most of the time.
I don't think I belong here.