Nothing More Fragile Than The Human Heart
Mozzie's nondescript, Mozzie's sly, and Mozzie knows what he's doing when it comes to scrounging up information. He is not, however, good at acting subtle. That hard stare says Neal's going to have to own up, and soon, because while Neal's perfect at acting out whatever emotion he needs, Mozzie isn't the type to insult his inteeligence by buying into Nea's oblivious act.
He gives himself another second before dropping his hands to the table and giving Mozz an expectant look.
"You know," says Mozz, "that this can only end in tears. Figuratively," he adds at Neal's unmoved stare.
"I'm a big boy, Mozz. Kate left, and I'm still okay."
"Yeah, but you knew what you were getting into with Kate."
"And I know what I'm getting into with Peter."
"No, I don't think you do. You trust the suit more than you ever trusted Kate."
"Peter's a trustworthy guy," Neal says, and deliberately fails to dignify Mozzie's disgusted look with an answer.
"That's the root of the matter. You trust him more than you ever trusted anyone. And you forget that there's nothing more fragile than the human heart."
"Peter would never hurt me."
"Even if it's true that he would never set out to harm you, there remains… incidental damage. Neal, you have to be careful, you know- Elle."
And, because Neal is in the habit of hiding little, if anything, from Mozzie, he allows him to turn his head away.
Mozzie doesn't seem to know what to say to that for a minute. Long after Neal's released his bitten lip and returned to staring at the chess board, he settles on a soft "I see."
Because the fact of the matter is Neal has already fallen, hard, and that it already twinges every time he hears Peter's voice say Elle's name with love and none of the exasperation he uses when he says Neal's. And that pain grows a little everyday, but he knows he can't give that up without giving up the way he feels around Peter and he doesn't know- and doesn't want to know- how to stop that. Because this undeniably unconditional trust and this feeling of safety around Peter feels stable and certain like nothing else ever has. He's on a slippery slope, and Mozz is only just realizing that instead of catching Neal before he started sliding, he's looking after a Neal that's halfway to heartbreak and unable, and worse, unwilling, to do anything about it.
"Mozz, it's-"
"What's done is done," Mozz mutters and stands to leave mid-game. Neal slouches back against his chair and watches his hands in his lap rather than watching Mozz leave.
When he closes his eyes to the sound of the door closing he doesn't, as he often does when he's alone, fall back to the memories of Peter smiling, or Peter allowing him some praise for a case well done. In some of his more inspired moments, he plans the exact moves to make to start Peter thinking about falling for him, maps out Peter's most likely reactions, and gets Peter to see him as someone worth getting to know as person, instead of a list of facts.
Now, though, he finds himself staring into Peter's eyes again as Peter asks if he's tempted to steal a painting, or another occasion when it's not a question of temptation but a straight out accusation of theft. And then, his least favorite memory: China town. Peter saying, with no waver in his voice, and no reason to lie to a girl he thinks can't understand him, that Neal getting hurt, or even dying, would mean a lot of paperwork for Peter. Not a soul-wrenching hurt like what Neal would feel if something happened to Peter. Paperwork. And Neal knows, on a certain level, that of course Peter knows he would feel remorse. Because, for all his faults, Neal's still a human being, and Peter seems to mostly recognize that. But… Peter doesn't even see Neal as a friend, really, and Neal knows friendship wouldn't be enough to stop this growing need for Peter's affection.
And it can't well- "in tears," Mozzie had said- but for right now the ability to trust Peter unreservedly is freeing and heartening enough that it doesn't matter that everyday Neal grows more sensitive to how insensitive Peter can sometimes be.
Mozzie was almost right. There's nothing more fragile- nor as foolish- as the human heart.