The Geek's Experience with Booze
So... I've been sick lately. I'm feeling better now but my appetite hasn't returned yet... and apparently neither has my alcohol tolerance. I was making my Kickin' Chimaerok Chops, and while I had the rum out for the Goblin Rocket Fuel I decided to pour myself a rum and coke.
Normally a simple rum and coke wouldn't do squat to me. My NORMAL tolerance is high enough that I've never even been buzzed before, even though I've tried a couple of times -- for St. Patrick's Day, I had two bottles of Smirnoff Twisted, two Mai Tais, and assorted other drinks (mixed and straight), and I wasn't even BUZZED.
That said, Ginny has always wondered what I'd be like drunk, and I admit that I'm curious about it myself. So when I had that aforementioned rum and coke, I was surprised to find that it alone had me buzzed. I assume it's because I've barely had anything to eat today -- I didn't really even eat lunch today. So when I mentioned to Ginny that I was actually feeling it for once, she insisted that she wasn't going to miss this opportunity to see what I was like when I was drunk.
Since then I've had another rum and coke and then I tried to make a rum on the rocks with a lime twist, but I accidentally squeezed out too much lime juice so I balanced it out with some more rum. (For the record, this is dark Bacardi, about 80 proof.) I actually like the result -- the lime balances the flavor of the dark rum nicely. (Normally dark rum isn't really drinkable... Before now I've really only used it for cooking.) So I currently have in me a little less alcohol than St. Patrick's Day, but I'm less well-rested and less well-fed, so it's having quite a bit more effect on me.
I decided that I'd document my one foray into debauchery as an LJ post. I think I'm doing pretty well so far. ;) I've not misspelled anything and I still have full command over the English language. (I probably still have control over the Japanese language, too, but I haven't tried.) I'm not even making that many typoes, and those I'm detecting and correcting... but I'm definitely noticing myself losing coordination. Even small movements of my head are causing me to lose my equilibrium, and as that third (well, it was enough to probably count as three) kicks in I'm starting to find it somewhat difficult to keep my eyes focused on the screen. I went outside to help my father-in-law move some stuff around in the garage (he's probably had more to drink than I have today, but he's an alcoholic -- normally my tolerance is better than his but things seem to be having a bigger effect on me today) and I'm noticing that my balance is off -- I banged against the door frame trying to walk inside -- and my sense of depth isn't what it should be. I'm also noticing that my control over the volume of my voice isn't what it should be; I'm... getting loud.
I'm feeling the buzz wearing off... I'm not sure if that's the alcohol wearing off already (not likely; it's only been an hour), but regardless it's time to have more because I know I'm not plastered yet. (Kahlua White Russian -- it feels like my stomach can't handle any more rum without getting sick just because it's too strong. I'm a little worried this drink might not be strong ENOUGH, though.)
At no time during this little experiment have I felt my mental acuity fade, though. I know my reaction time is down (I knew exactly the time when I was unfit to drive) and my depth perception and balance are out of whack, and I'm feeling hyper-aware of every little movement my body makes, and I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a beard that my face would be flushed, but I'm still capable of rational thought and programming. (In fact I'm working on my day job in the other window while I'm typing this. It's been frustrating me for two days now with this stupid slider.) On the other hand I know I'm even more distractable than normal (for those of you who don't know, I'm ADHD -- I was diagnosed YEARS ago, but I'm currently unmedicated) and I'm noticing subtle differences in my behavior.
Unfortunately, the differences are REALLY subtle -- it's hard to tell what's caused by the alcohol and what's my normal personality quirks. I'm subject to random silly moods and quoting movies and such anyway, and this is INTENTIONALLY a stream-of-consciousness blog post so that's no indication of anything.
For the sake of the experiment, I should drink more. That Kahlua wasn't strong enough to do anything but maintain the level I was already at. I could never be an alcoholic; I have no desire to drink any more -- I haven't for probably an hour and a half now. I'm only forcing the issue for the sake of science. (And Ginny. But Ginny's desire stems from the same source as mine -- curiosity.) I'm just a little worried because I don't think I could stomach any more 80-proof without vomiting and everything else I have is 10-20 proof, except for the sake at 32 proof which really doesn't sound appealing at the moment. *checks the Smirnoff Ice* 10 proof, darn. Just as girly as the Kahlua. Maybe I SHOULD just suck it up and pour a rum and coke. There's some of my father-in-law's wine here but I can't imagine it being significantly stronger. Rum and Coke it is. Maybe with some lime.
I observe that I feel somewhat taller than normal. Not an effect that I expected, but reasonable enough given the equilibrium issues. I should probably stop writing code, just for safety's sake; I don't FEEL impaired in that regard but my rational side is saying that I shouldn't expect myself to be rational in this state. It's hard to tell how much of the warm sensation and sweating is due to the alcohol and how much of it is normal (I get hot easily and my father-in-law insists on setting the thermostat at 79).
I can tell my coordination is fading further as my keystrokes get heavier. I'm feeling a tingle in my lips, too, and my skin (especially around my fingers) is feeling dry. I'm starting to feel tired as well, but it's also 9:12 PM. (This post started probably somewhere around 7:30... or at least, making the chops did; I didn't start typing until after I finished putting them in the fridge.) The SpongeBob movie DVD is playing in the room (actually almost over, but I'm on the couch now instead of in the dining room) and it's hard to tell what differences in perception are due to the alcohol and which are due to the fact that this is the first time I've seen this on a high-resolution screen.
I should probably take some Tylenol soon if I'm going to avoid a hangover in the morning. I've never had a hangover before but I've also never successfully gotten drunk before. (I must say... the experience is disappointing. I expected more of a loss of my mental faculties. At the very least that would have made for a more amusing story.) My mother-in-law made cornbread with dinner tonight so I'll definitely make sure to have some more of that before I go to bed to help absorb the leftover alcohol in my stomach.
I observe that I still have the clarity of mind to retain impulse control. (Not that my impulses are anything more than saying silly things like "David Hasselhoff's legs are hairy" since that's the scene currently playing in the movie.) I'm somewhat surprised that my light adaptation remains as quick as always, and that my typing speed isn't significantly impaired.
I asked Ginny what she was noticing. She said I was being dorkier than normal. I said I had bursts like this even when I'm sober, and that I'm intentionally voicing more than I normally would so that she would know what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling, but she said that it's different than even that. Evidently my speech isn't as fluid as normal. If I stop and pay attention to myself I see that she's right -- I'm stopping to correct myself more often than I normally do. I'm not slurred or incoherent (as far as I can tell) but I am making false starts and correcting myself more often than usual. Then again, Ginny just did an impression of me and I guess I'm stuttering even more than I realize. I'm starting to understand why drunk people talk slower. When they REALIZE that they're tipsy, and therefore more apt to make mistakes, they compensate for it -- except to the outside world, it sounds awkwardly slow. In fact, I think my sense of time is probably messed up, because I FEEL like I'm moving with fast, determined movements, even for actions that would normally be casual. I can't tell how much of that is losing control over my body and how much of that is the distorted perception of my own kinesthetics. I'm really starting to understand the behavior of the classic drunk, as both one's self-control AND one's self-perception are affected. I've learned a lot tonight.
I'm eyeballing that rum and coke over there. On one hand, I should probably drink it -- both for the sake of science, and because it'd be silly to mix it up and then not drink it. On the other hand, it's past 10 PM now and I've had PLENTY to drink tonight, to the point where my face is feeling rather numb. I'm still rather amazed at how much control I have -- I expected to be sloshy and wavy and feeling up on Ginny, but I'm still cognizant of myself and what I'm doing. I'm just uncoordinated and somewhat sluggish. Does that mean I haven't had enough to drink to get properly plastered? Or does that mean that even in this condition I'm just not the type that gets wasted?
As an aside: I'd always wondered why the authors decided to call the classic VNC client for Mac "Chicken of the VNC" -- even while I was sober. I never got the pun with "chicken of the sea," even though the program's icon is a chicken in a tin can. I thought it was just silliness... until Ginny was using my laptop (her laptop's DVD drive is broken) and wanted to know how to connect to our router (my iBook, as mentioned in previous posts). She explained the joke to me. I facepalmed. She asked me if I was going to include this in the LJ post; initially I wasn't going to, and said so, but I decided it was funny enough that I should include it anyway. (I think that it'll STILL be funny even when I come back to it sober. Note to self: am I right? Come back tomorrow and re-evaluate.) It IS a stream of consciousness post, right? It wouldn't be properly scientific if I were to withhold anything; I need as much evidence as possible while in this state to make rational observations once I'm back to normal.
That said... the experience really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I don't feel particularly relaxed or particularly happy, and the buzz isn't really all that pleasant... it's just kinda there. I don't enjoy the disorientation and impaired fine motor control. I don't enjoy the numb sensation in my face and extremities. (My toes are particularly numb, and the tingle to my face is more annoying than anything else.) I'm pretty certain that I won't be doing this again -- this time was purely for the educational factor.
My tongue feels thick when I talk, and I can't tell whether my tech-talk is my normal geek self, the alcohol, or a subconscious overreaction to the impairment. I can't use my physical behavior to judge this because I'm still typing fluently, and I can't use my mental state to judge this because I still (at least as far as I can tell) have full competence in technical matters. I may never know for sure which it is. (That said, the visual focus problems are starting to get really annoying. My physical coordination is definitely not back yet; while I've been sitting down for half an hour now so I don't know how my walking skill is, I can tell I'm using more force than necessary when manipulating things like my laptop's power cord.)
Postscript: I didn't end up drinking the aforementioned rum and coke. I haven't had anything to drink since before I said that, and while this is nominally a stream-of-consciousness post I can't help but to reorganize it topically the way I would any other post or essay. That said... I should probably go to bed soon; it's 10:23 and I don't have any desire to FORCE myself to stay up late. I have work tomorrow.
Ultimately (and I'm saying this at 10:39 PM) it seems that the experience is basically exactly what I expected it to be -- which is to say, nothing special, just a loss of motor control, balance, and reaction time. It's not really dramatically different from sleep deprivation (which I've experienced a LOT more than drunkenness).
Final opinion: disappointing. The physical effects are nothing more than annoying and the mental effects aren't anywhere near as dramatic as I had expected. I guess I should just go to bed. The dizziness is particularly bad because my glasses are off. I asked Ginny to include her own comments here at the bottom.
Ginny's notes at 10:47 PM: He said he was tired, and decided to lay down a bit. When laying down, he flops over a bit and says, "Woah...world is spinning. Combining alcohol with exhaustion is not a good idea." (BTW, I had to ask him to spell 'exhaustion' cause naturally, I'm a moron. But he was able to spell it, so I suppose that's a good thing.)
Now, before we get any of those "GINNY FORCED YOU TO GET DRUNK!" comments, we had both wanted to know what he would act like for years. The last attempt at this was the mentioned St. Patrick's party in 2006. After having all that he had, I had given up on experiencing "drunk Adam." So when he mentioned that he was actually feeling a buzz, we decided to attempt it again.
I've noticed that he likes to state what he's thinking a lot more than normal. He says it's all part of "the science" for this stuff, but really... he was talking a lot. And was sounding VERY scientific-like, if that makes any sense in itself. In fact, reading this post he was making during the whole thing has me busting a gut in my mind, and I almost think this should be published somewhere: "The Geek's Experience with Booze." (Fun fact note: As I was typing that last bit, he tried to correct an error I made, but was being very unsuccessful at it: '..backspace..'...backspace..)
He was also being a lot sillier than normal. Randomly spouting Spongebob Movie quotes at the wrong moments, and constantly stating over and over his current condition. (i.e "Wow, my balance is off!" *5 minutes later* "Wow, my balance is off!")
I have to say that I'm disappointed with this whole thing, too. I was really hoping for a much more sillier Adam. I expected him to be the "I love you guise" kind of drunk, but it was just kinda blah. Oh well.
Afterword: I slept well -- in fact, I'm up early -- and no hangover, not even so much as a headache. I know I was repeating myself a lot, but not as bad as Ginny was saying, though -- and the movie quotes weren't the wrong moments, either! The problems I was having correcting her typing error was me being unable to maintain steady focus on the screen; I couldn't see the cursor clearly.
Even in retrospect it's hard to tell how much of my behavior was due to the alcohol, how much of it was my usual self, and how much was my conscious attempt to document my experiences.
The last time I tried this was St. Patrick's Day last year, when we went to Texas to visit Scott Ramsoomair and his friends; it was so unsuccessful that Ginny wasn't even aware I was trying (SHE was tipsy, on the other hand).
Ultimately... I was disappointed, too. It wasn't enjoyable, I didn't feel relaxed or particularly calm, and I was still my usual boring self, just with some new quirks. I doubt I'll be doing this again.
Normally a simple rum and coke wouldn't do squat to me. My NORMAL tolerance is high enough that I've never even been buzzed before, even though I've tried a couple of times -- for St. Patrick's Day, I had two bottles of Smirnoff Twisted, two Mai Tais, and assorted other drinks (mixed and straight), and I wasn't even BUZZED.
That said, Ginny has always wondered what I'd be like drunk, and I admit that I'm curious about it myself. So when I had that aforementioned rum and coke, I was surprised to find that it alone had me buzzed. I assume it's because I've barely had anything to eat today -- I didn't really even eat lunch today. So when I mentioned to Ginny that I was actually feeling it for once, she insisted that she wasn't going to miss this opportunity to see what I was like when I was drunk.
Since then I've had another rum and coke and then I tried to make a rum on the rocks with a lime twist, but I accidentally squeezed out too much lime juice so I balanced it out with some more rum. (For the record, this is dark Bacardi, about 80 proof.) I actually like the result -- the lime balances the flavor of the dark rum nicely. (Normally dark rum isn't really drinkable... Before now I've really only used it for cooking.) So I currently have in me a little less alcohol than St. Patrick's Day, but I'm less well-rested and less well-fed, so it's having quite a bit more effect on me.
I decided that I'd document my one foray into debauchery as an LJ post. I think I'm doing pretty well so far. ;) I've not misspelled anything and I still have full command over the English language. (I probably still have control over the Japanese language, too, but I haven't tried.) I'm not even making that many typoes, and those I'm detecting and correcting... but I'm definitely noticing myself losing coordination. Even small movements of my head are causing me to lose my equilibrium, and as that third (well, it was enough to probably count as three) kicks in I'm starting to find it somewhat difficult to keep my eyes focused on the screen. I went outside to help my father-in-law move some stuff around in the garage (he's probably had more to drink than I have today, but he's an alcoholic -- normally my tolerance is better than his but things seem to be having a bigger effect on me today) and I'm noticing that my balance is off -- I banged against the door frame trying to walk inside -- and my sense of depth isn't what it should be. I'm also noticing that my control over the volume of my voice isn't what it should be; I'm... getting loud.
I'm feeling the buzz wearing off... I'm not sure if that's the alcohol wearing off already (not likely; it's only been an hour), but regardless it's time to have more because I know I'm not plastered yet. (Kahlua White Russian -- it feels like my stomach can't handle any more rum without getting sick just because it's too strong. I'm a little worried this drink might not be strong ENOUGH, though.)
At no time during this little experiment have I felt my mental acuity fade, though. I know my reaction time is down (I knew exactly the time when I was unfit to drive) and my depth perception and balance are out of whack, and I'm feeling hyper-aware of every little movement my body makes, and I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a beard that my face would be flushed, but I'm still capable of rational thought and programming. (In fact I'm working on my day job in the other window while I'm typing this. It's been frustrating me for two days now with this stupid slider.) On the other hand I know I'm even more distractable than normal (for those of you who don't know, I'm ADHD -- I was diagnosed YEARS ago, but I'm currently unmedicated) and I'm noticing subtle differences in my behavior.
Unfortunately, the differences are REALLY subtle -- it's hard to tell what's caused by the alcohol and what's my normal personality quirks. I'm subject to random silly moods and quoting movies and such anyway, and this is INTENTIONALLY a stream-of-consciousness blog post so that's no indication of anything.
For the sake of the experiment, I should drink more. That Kahlua wasn't strong enough to do anything but maintain the level I was already at. I could never be an alcoholic; I have no desire to drink any more -- I haven't for probably an hour and a half now. I'm only forcing the issue for the sake of science. (And Ginny. But Ginny's desire stems from the same source as mine -- curiosity.) I'm just a little worried because I don't think I could stomach any more 80-proof without vomiting and everything else I have is 10-20 proof, except for the sake at 32 proof which really doesn't sound appealing at the moment. *checks the Smirnoff Ice* 10 proof, darn. Just as girly as the Kahlua. Maybe I SHOULD just suck it up and pour a rum and coke. There's some of my father-in-law's wine here but I can't imagine it being significantly stronger. Rum and Coke it is. Maybe with some lime.
I observe that I feel somewhat taller than normal. Not an effect that I expected, but reasonable enough given the equilibrium issues. I should probably stop writing code, just for safety's sake; I don't FEEL impaired in that regard but my rational side is saying that I shouldn't expect myself to be rational in this state. It's hard to tell how much of the warm sensation and sweating is due to the alcohol and how much of it is normal (I get hot easily and my father-in-law insists on setting the thermostat at 79).
I can tell my coordination is fading further as my keystrokes get heavier. I'm feeling a tingle in my lips, too, and my skin (especially around my fingers) is feeling dry. I'm starting to feel tired as well, but it's also 9:12 PM. (This post started probably somewhere around 7:30... or at least, making the chops did; I didn't start typing until after I finished putting them in the fridge.) The SpongeBob movie DVD is playing in the room (actually almost over, but I'm on the couch now instead of in the dining room) and it's hard to tell what differences in perception are due to the alcohol and which are due to the fact that this is the first time I've seen this on a high-resolution screen.
I should probably take some Tylenol soon if I'm going to avoid a hangover in the morning. I've never had a hangover before but I've also never successfully gotten drunk before. (I must say... the experience is disappointing. I expected more of a loss of my mental faculties. At the very least that would have made for a more amusing story.) My mother-in-law made cornbread with dinner tonight so I'll definitely make sure to have some more of that before I go to bed to help absorb the leftover alcohol in my stomach.
I observe that I still have the clarity of mind to retain impulse control. (Not that my impulses are anything more than saying silly things like "David Hasselhoff's legs are hairy" since that's the scene currently playing in the movie.) I'm somewhat surprised that my light adaptation remains as quick as always, and that my typing speed isn't significantly impaired.
I asked Ginny what she was noticing. She said I was being dorkier than normal. I said I had bursts like this even when I'm sober, and that I'm intentionally voicing more than I normally would so that she would know what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling, but she said that it's different than even that. Evidently my speech isn't as fluid as normal. If I stop and pay attention to myself I see that she's right -- I'm stopping to correct myself more often than I normally do. I'm not slurred or incoherent (as far as I can tell) but I am making false starts and correcting myself more often than usual. Then again, Ginny just did an impression of me and I guess I'm stuttering even more than I realize. I'm starting to understand why drunk people talk slower. When they REALIZE that they're tipsy, and therefore more apt to make mistakes, they compensate for it -- except to the outside world, it sounds awkwardly slow. In fact, I think my sense of time is probably messed up, because I FEEL like I'm moving with fast, determined movements, even for actions that would normally be casual. I can't tell how much of that is losing control over my body and how much of that is the distorted perception of my own kinesthetics. I'm really starting to understand the behavior of the classic drunk, as both one's self-control AND one's self-perception are affected. I've learned a lot tonight.
I'm eyeballing that rum and coke over there. On one hand, I should probably drink it -- both for the sake of science, and because it'd be silly to mix it up and then not drink it. On the other hand, it's past 10 PM now and I've had PLENTY to drink tonight, to the point where my face is feeling rather numb. I'm still rather amazed at how much control I have -- I expected to be sloshy and wavy and feeling up on Ginny, but I'm still cognizant of myself and what I'm doing. I'm just uncoordinated and somewhat sluggish. Does that mean I haven't had enough to drink to get properly plastered? Or does that mean that even in this condition I'm just not the type that gets wasted?
As an aside: I'd always wondered why the authors decided to call the classic VNC client for Mac "Chicken of the VNC" -- even while I was sober. I never got the pun with "chicken of the sea," even though the program's icon is a chicken in a tin can. I thought it was just silliness... until Ginny was using my laptop (her laptop's DVD drive is broken) and wanted to know how to connect to our router (my iBook, as mentioned in previous posts). She explained the joke to me. I facepalmed. She asked me if I was going to include this in the LJ post; initially I wasn't going to, and said so, but I decided it was funny enough that I should include it anyway. (I think that it'll STILL be funny even when I come back to it sober. Note to self: am I right? Come back tomorrow and re-evaluate.) It IS a stream of consciousness post, right? It wouldn't be properly scientific if I were to withhold anything; I need as much evidence as possible while in this state to make rational observations once I'm back to normal.
That said... the experience really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I don't feel particularly relaxed or particularly happy, and the buzz isn't really all that pleasant... it's just kinda there. I don't enjoy the disorientation and impaired fine motor control. I don't enjoy the numb sensation in my face and extremities. (My toes are particularly numb, and the tingle to my face is more annoying than anything else.) I'm pretty certain that I won't be doing this again -- this time was purely for the educational factor.
My tongue feels thick when I talk, and I can't tell whether my tech-talk is my normal geek self, the alcohol, or a subconscious overreaction to the impairment. I can't use my physical behavior to judge this because I'm still typing fluently, and I can't use my mental state to judge this because I still (at least as far as I can tell) have full competence in technical matters. I may never know for sure which it is. (That said, the visual focus problems are starting to get really annoying. My physical coordination is definitely not back yet; while I've been sitting down for half an hour now so I don't know how my walking skill is, I can tell I'm using more force than necessary when manipulating things like my laptop's power cord.)
Postscript: I didn't end up drinking the aforementioned rum and coke. I haven't had anything to drink since before I said that, and while this is nominally a stream-of-consciousness post I can't help but to reorganize it topically the way I would any other post or essay. That said... I should probably go to bed soon; it's 10:23 and I don't have any desire to FORCE myself to stay up late. I have work tomorrow.
Ultimately (and I'm saying this at 10:39 PM) it seems that the experience is basically exactly what I expected it to be -- which is to say, nothing special, just a loss of motor control, balance, and reaction time. It's not really dramatically different from sleep deprivation (which I've experienced a LOT more than drunkenness).
Final opinion: disappointing. The physical effects are nothing more than annoying and the mental effects aren't anywhere near as dramatic as I had expected. I guess I should just go to bed. The dizziness is particularly bad because my glasses are off. I asked Ginny to include her own comments here at the bottom.
Ginny's notes at 10:47 PM: He said he was tired, and decided to lay down a bit. When laying down, he flops over a bit and says, "Woah...world is spinning. Combining alcohol with exhaustion is not a good idea." (BTW, I had to ask him to spell 'exhaustion' cause naturally, I'm a moron. But he was able to spell it, so I suppose that's a good thing.)
Now, before we get any of those "GINNY FORCED YOU TO GET DRUNK!" comments, we had both wanted to know what he would act like for years. The last attempt at this was the mentioned St. Patrick's party in 2006. After having all that he had, I had given up on experiencing "drunk Adam." So when he mentioned that he was actually feeling a buzz, we decided to attempt it again.
I've noticed that he likes to state what he's thinking a lot more than normal. He says it's all part of "the science" for this stuff, but really... he was talking a lot. And was sounding VERY scientific-like, if that makes any sense in itself. In fact, reading this post he was making during the whole thing has me busting a gut in my mind, and I almost think this should be published somewhere: "The Geek's Experience with Booze." (Fun fact note: As I was typing that last bit, he tried to correct an error I made, but was being very unsuccessful at it: '..backspace..'...backspace..)
He was also being a lot sillier than normal. Randomly spouting Spongebob Movie quotes at the wrong moments, and constantly stating over and over his current condition. (i.e "Wow, my balance is off!" *5 minutes later* "Wow, my balance is off!")
I have to say that I'm disappointed with this whole thing, too. I was really hoping for a much more sillier Adam. I expected him to be the "I love you guise" kind of drunk, but it was just kinda blah. Oh well.
Afterword: I slept well -- in fact, I'm up early -- and no hangover, not even so much as a headache. I know I was repeating myself a lot, but not as bad as Ginny was saying, though -- and the movie quotes weren't the wrong moments, either! The problems I was having correcting her typing error was me being unable to maintain steady focus on the screen; I couldn't see the cursor clearly.
Even in retrospect it's hard to tell how much of my behavior was due to the alcohol, how much of it was my usual self, and how much was my conscious attempt to document my experiences.
The last time I tried this was St. Patrick's Day last year, when we went to Texas to visit Scott Ramsoomair and his friends; it was so unsuccessful that Ginny wasn't even aware I was trying (SHE was tipsy, on the other hand).
Ultimately... I was disappointed, too. It wasn't enjoyable, I didn't feel relaxed or particularly calm, and I was still my usual boring self, just with some new quirks. I doubt I'll be doing this again.