memories
I have come back after oh so many years to find I have no friends connected with my entries. I also find all my entries are so old they have been long erased. So why am I back?
I used to love writing in Live Journal. Some of my favorite memories were written here. Sadly I cannot remember those old memories. Now the written ones are as distant and forgotten as those in my mind. This aging thing is all about loss.
A year ago last month I lost my Akita companion of 12 years. Her name was Nakita and she was a beautiful dog, body and soul. I have not gotten over her loss in all this time and think of her each day. She was a precious part of my life. When I would come home from an errand she would not allow me to enter until I stooped and she could sniff my face so closely she seemed to kiss me with delight at my return. In the yard she would run over to me and lean against my leg for a few moments then chase a squirrel after which she would resume her position up against my leg.
As next month approaches the sadness grows within with longing for her presence. She is a loss I will not get over anytime soon.
As I write this I think of my other companion, a shepherd mixture who is goin on 16 years with me. She has begun to exhibit symptoms of doggy dementia over the last few months. That means the lively happy companion of so many years has lost the exuberance she once had. I think of her in her youth as she flashed across the back yard like greased lightning to catch a squirrel which almost lost that race. Now she is only capable of moseying along with head down and faltering step to relieve herself and return to her bed in order to return to her habit of sleeping 20 hours a day. Soon I will be missing her as well.
So aging is just another way of saying loss. Loss of family, loss of friends, loss of interests. I don't recommend it to anyone.
I will try again to return here to write my thoughts and see if I can dust off the area of my brain that is so quickly fading. The most important thing we take in to old age becomes those memories that defined us as we grew up and older.
Til the next entry.