Fanmix: A Game Between Wanting Less and Asking For More | SPN | Dean/Castiel
Title: A Game Between Wanting Less and Asking For More
Author: Fallen Seraphim (afallenseraphim)
Rating: Generally mild, but some explicit lyrics
Genre and/or Pairing: Dean/Castiel-centric
Spoilers: General themes for S6 and S7
A/N: This is, for better or worse, a follow up to this. When I completed that mix, the intention was to cover my feelings (on the characters' feelings) in a chronological fashion from S4-S6/S7. I think it turned out fairly well, and I was like "phew, well, I don't think I have any steam left for fanmixing". AND THEN SEASON 7 HAPPENED AND ALL MY FEELS CAME FLOODING AROUND AGAIN. Thus, a sequel fanmix. Thematically, this mix follows Dean and Cas from the end of season 6 through the most recent events. Enjoy!
P.S: Yes. I do put a lot of Low to my Destiels. What can I say? It fits.
P.P.S: ignore the "24 hours" spiel, it's just to cover my ass.
.zip available here: A Game Between Wanting Less and Asking For More
Password: otp
Tracklist:
Wanting Less
1) While We Sleep - Jeudah
2) In the Same Way - Sunday Munich
3) Destroying Angel - Sneaker Pimps
4) Thrown Away - VAST
5) Lion, Lamb - Low
6) Her Name - Sunday Munich
7) Weight of Water - Low
8) Daffodil Lament - The Cranberries
Asking For More
1) Waves Become Wings - Lisa Gerrard
2) Limbo - Throwing Muses
3) God Damn Me - Filter
4) Fruit Fly - Nada Surf
5) Denied - Our Lady Peace
6) Killed By an Angel - Sunny Day Real Estate
7) 40 Miles From the Sun - Bush
8) The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
9) Two-Step - Low
10) With My Hands Out - Mount Eerie
11) Attrition - Wive
___Start/ ___
___While We Sleep___
Been at war way too long
All these scars won't heal for years
I've been bleeding out and there's no way home
I'm not scared of your fists no more
Guess this war is all I know
Send your devils come watch over me
Come kill off a final blow
You'll be floating down as angels weep
Find all I tried to hide
Things I've locked up deep inside
Tear it out, leave it all tied down
Far too late, let's burn it to the ground
___In the Same Way___
His fingertips reach my frigid body
As again he's much too late
to find what he's reaching for
Strokes me as he would a prize
A desolate void behind his eyes
This game between wanting less and asking for more
strikes a pinnacle here in my head
I believe I hate this conversation
where you pretend to listen
Sometimes understanding me
but most times missing the point
___Destroying Angel___
I know you know my head's not in this now
Nothing you can keep so keep me down
Like the stones beneath the water that you walk on to be taller
The hands you stuck together because you prayed you'd wait forever
Just another fragile angel heart
Falling down on lead wings torn apart
The words beneath my skin
The ink that you put in
Destroying all the things you left around
Earthbound coming down
So what you have the nerve to call a friend
is starved of all the sense to make amends
I'm the glass you break to touch but you never want me much
Like the view across the water from your shoes and two feet smaller
I know it doesn't pay to be this hurt
Falling off the morning getting worse
I'm down
___Thrown Away___
There's a sun
There's a ground under my feet
There is almost nothing in between
Now I'm left
Like a flag atop a moon
Precious one, you have abandoned me
So let me in, because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was...
Should I call you
Should I reach out?
It feels like chasing shadows in the night
Let me in, because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was
Thrown away
Have I been thrown away?
___Lion, Lamb___
Don't go
Without we'd surely die
To go without is suicide
Are you a lion or a lamb?
Are you as guilty as I am?
__Her Name__
It's never been easy for us
Maybe it's worth it
This all seems to come down
when I'm still rubbing my eyes from sleep
Confusion
And I'm sure you think you've won me over
I just never know where to look for the right answers
And maybe you're wrong for always soothing my frantic mind
And you say to give it time
You say things will be fine
You say you'll work this out but...
But you don't know that
You say to give it time
You say things will be fine
You say you'll work this out
But you don't know that for sure
Like teasing blades on skin
Supple, subtle innuendos medicate me
I'm giving in
Like needles in my brain
Passionate remembrances to educate me
I'm giving in again
A cracked and fragile smile
A failed attempt at innocence is shuffling towards me
But something else is shuffling behind
I ask myself in a coital haze,
Whose face is staring out at me?
Whose face has come to devour me?
Mirror of all I have in sins
that I'll never end of
Never have enough for you
And I... I can feel you
I can fill you in
As long as I keep you safe with me
And warm in all I give you
Anything, if that was enough
___Weight of Water___
Take a cupful from your hand
Wait for forty days
Make a river through the sand
Until you're called by a secret name
And the weight of the water has brought me back to this
Just leave me to the river
Let it cleanse my face
I have no power to ward it
Like the baptism of the earth
And the weight of the water has brought me back to this
And the step where you stood
As I bleed from the wound
How I cower to that weight
Still I’ll make this water home
___Daffodil Lament___
Holding on
That's what I do since I met you
And it won't be long
Would you notice if I left you?
And it's fine for some
Because you're not the one...
You're not the one there
All night long laid on my pillow
These things are wrong
I can't sleep here
I have decided to leave you forever
I have decided to start things from here
Thunder and lightning won't change what I'm feeling
And the daffodils look lovely today
In your eyes I can see the disguise
In your eyes I can see the dismay
Has anyone seen lightning?
Has anyone looked lovely?
And the daffodils look lovely today
__/End (disc one)__
__Start/__
___Waves Become Wings___
Please, stay
Stay a while
Mystery light keep the dark inside
Evading glances when the light's implied
Stay and run unto me
Sail to me
Come to me
___Limbo___
Nice limbo you have here
Nice feel you have on
Baby, go back to your womb
You grow the apples around me
I'll spit the seeds on your grave
Bead me a necklace, a decade I'll wait
Picture this gun
I'm tired of crying
I'm going to run
I swear you
Move you to my pores
I'm not going to cry anymore
Dead is next door
Baby, go back to your womb
You pulled my limbs one by one into limbo
___God Damn Me___
There isn't enough hot water to be in
There isn't enough salt lake to lie in
There isn't enough sky to fly in so softly
There isn't enough breath to breathe
Not for me
Oh, God damn me
There isn't enough snow to see through, snow's too deep
There isn't enough fog to see through, not through to me
There isn't enough gain to get from, not from me
Oh, God damn me
Nothing changes
Nothing we erase
Nothing to chase
Nothing but me
Oh, God damn me
___Fruit Fly___
Left some food wrapped up
in a plastic bag
on the kitchen table
way too long
Sat down to eat
next to the bag
I was too tired
to throw it out
I saw a swarm of fruit flies
I took the bag downstairs
When I came back
they were still there
Flying jerky patterns
like snowflakes in the air
I'm sorry...
You got nowhere to go
Left, straight, right, straight
I can't find the reason
I know I'll keep going but
I can't find a reason
Nothing looks right
Nothing smells right
I can't land
Geometric patterns smearing out of control
Only have enough gas left for the beercan to the bowl
What can you do but go on?
Oh no,
you make your own mistakes
I cannot bring them back to you
Oh no,
you make your own mistakes
I cannot measure up to you
___Denied___
The telephone is ringing
Disconnect the line
The tension, oh, it's building
but I'm alright
The stars are colliding
so you might as well let me go
The television is burning
I set it on fire
The wheels, they keep turning
But I'm fine
What about the questions we have
locked up inside?
Somewhere
Somehow
We've been denied
Hand in hand we walk blind
Pretending
Defending
While our souls are tied
It's only the third hour
My concience subsides
But something will remind me
that you lied
What about the concequences?
This can't be right
Somewhere
Somehow
We've been denied
Hand in hand we walk blind
Pretending
Defending
While our souls are tied
___Killed By an Angel___
Welcome to the lonesome world of Abel
Where every brother's knife is set to slay you
And paranoia keeps you healthy
Crooked deals can keep you wealthy
Serum vials to help you when you're sad
Every other face is bent and broken
Wrap your teeth around the only game in town
Made your clothes from insulation
Break your day for pay and ration
Hide
Killed by an angel
Lost inside amazing colors
It's never how you feel
It comes in a bottle
Let's say you found a gun
How would your bad side burn?
It's never how you feel
It comes in a bottle
Relax and all these whores will lick the membrane
Just a touch, a stain, a hole in your brain
It's cold when you remove the nails
Beg for more when all else fails
Serum vials to help you when you're sad
Killed by an angel
Lost inside amazing colors
It's never how you feel
It comes in a bottle
Let's say you found a gun
How would your bad side burn?
It's never how you feel
It comes in a bottle
The way the sea reflects the sun
Long gone
And all the miracles of love
Long gone
You hold your heart out in your hand
One last long sigh gone
When you see the sores you can't believe them
Pathogenic lovers in the basement cell
Dirty white sheets cut up in strips
Cracks in the mirror and your mind slips
Serum vials to help you when you're sad
Killed by an angel
___40 Miles From the Sun___
There is nowhere left to hide
There is nothing to be done
No people to be saved
No pets we've never named
40 miles from the sun
As darkness craves the mind
We come undone without our pride
No time on the earth to come
All the pleasures just begun
40 miles from the sun
In our coats beneath the layers
Wash my skin of all the hate
We should sleep late
Everything just kind of grates
40 miles from the sun
I need to lose to make it right
I'll confront the stars tonight
I will babble, I will bite
You will never know how much you shine
40 miles from the sun
___The Chain___
Listen to the wind blow
Watch the sun rise
Run in the shadows
Damn your love, damn your lies
And if you don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
you would never break the chain
Listen to the wind blow
Down comes the night
Run in the shadows
Damn your love, damn your lies
Break the silence
Damn the dark, damn the light
And if you don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
you would never break the chain
Chain, keep us together
Run in the shadows
___Two-Step___
The light, it burns your skin
in a language you don't understand
It's not that hard
That's not all
Voices small
Heed them either way they call
Two step around the room
Kneel down on white
Two step around the room
You can kneel down on white
___With My Hands Out___
I want to go back across that sea
With my hands out
And I will rise from the water
And though I'm cold and wet
I will be clean
I want to come back from this robbery
With my hands up
And I will lie down and be handcuffed
Take me, I will be yours
Dripping wet
Just try and hold me
I am dripping wet and limp
___Attrition___
Little ones burn the breeze
Is this all night will be?
Anchor mask
Spoiled seed
Finally it comes for me
Call me out
Breathing fists
All the stars aligned for this
Brought of wrath
Scars will pass from the skin through this path
Lonely ghosts of books we wrote
will never need to be seen
Plight of days so filled with graves
I never meant something lovely
Felt of grace
My hollow face
could always break so endlessly
Come on child
The distant miles
could not merely set us free
Still is scene
Scorn of we
Attrition danced on playfully
I believe I'm deceived
My hope paints me darkly
Scatter stones
Nothing is shown
The lie of "all I own"
Colonial kiss
Killing fields
Watch what fear will wield
Lonely ghosts of books we wrote
will never need to be seen
Plight of days so filled with graves
I never meant something lovely
Felt of grace
My hollow face
could always break so endlessly
Come on child
The distant miles
could not merely set us free
Sum songs add wrong
Come calm black faun
Kiss her once for me
All the ravenous cannibals come home
Come on back for me
___/End (disc two)___
Enjoy! (again)
Author: Fallen Seraphim (afallenseraphim)
Rating: Generally mild, but some explicit lyrics
Genre and/or Pairing: Dean/Castiel-centric
Spoilers: General themes for S6 and S7
A/N: This is, for better or worse, a follow up to this. When I completed that mix, the intention was to cover my feelings (on the characters' feelings) in a chronological fashion from S4-S6/S7. I think it turned out fairly well, and I was like "phew, well, I don't think I have any steam left for fanmixing". AND THEN SEASON 7 HAPPENED AND ALL MY FEELS CAME FLOODING AROUND AGAIN. Thus, a sequel fanmix. Thematically, this mix follows Dean and Cas from the end of season 6 through the most recent events. Enjoy!
P.S: Yes. I do put a lot of Low to my Destiels. What can I say? It fits.
P.P.S: ignore the "24 hours" spiel, it's just to cover my ass.
.zip available here: A Game Between Wanting Less and Asking For More
Password: otp
Tracklist:
Wanting Less
1) While We Sleep - Jeudah
2) In the Same Way - Sunday Munich
3) Destroying Angel - Sneaker Pimps
4) Thrown Away - VAST
5) Lion, Lamb - Low
6) Her Name - Sunday Munich
7) Weight of Water - Low
8) Daffodil Lament - The Cranberries
Asking For More
1) Waves Become Wings - Lisa Gerrard
2) Limbo - Throwing Muses
3) God Damn Me - Filter
4) Fruit Fly - Nada Surf
5) Denied - Our Lady Peace
6) Killed By an Angel - Sunny Day Real Estate
7) 40 Miles From the Sun - Bush
8) The Chain - Fleetwood Mac
9) Two-Step - Low
10) With My Hands Out - Mount Eerie
11) Attrition - Wive
___Start/ ___
___While We Sleep___
Been at war way too long
All these scars won't heal for years
I've been bleeding out and there's no way home
I'm not scared of your fists no more
Guess this war is all I know
Send your devils come watch over me
Come kill off a final blow
You'll be floating down as angels weep
Find all I tried to hide
Things I've locked up deep inside
Tear it out, leave it all tied down
Far too late, let's burn it to the ground
___In the Same Way___
His fingertips reach my frigid body
As again he's much too late
to find what he's reaching for
Strokes me as he would a prize
A desolate void behind his eyes
This game between wanting less and asking for more
strikes a pinnacle here in my head
I believe I hate this conversation
where you pretend to listen
Sometimes understanding me
but most times missing the point
___Destroying Angel___
I know you know my head's not in this now
Nothing you can keep so keep me down
Like the stones beneath the water that you walk on to be taller
The hands you stuck together because you prayed you'd wait forever
Just another fragile angel heart
Falling down on lead wings torn apart
The words beneath my skin
The ink that you put in
Destroying all the things you left around
Earthbound coming down
So what you have the nerve to call a friend
is starved of all the sense to make amends
I'm the glass you break to touch but you never want me much
Like the view across the water from your shoes and two feet smaller
I know it doesn't pay to be this hurt
Falling off the morning getting worse
I'm down
___Thrown Away___
There's a sun
There's a ground under my feet
There is almost nothing in between
Now I'm left
Like a flag atop a moon
Precious one, you have abandoned me
So let me in, because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was...
Should I call you
Should I reach out?
It feels like chasing shadows in the night
Let me in, because I'm out
I know that I am someone
No one said I was
Thrown away
Have I been thrown away?
___Lion, Lamb___
Don't go
Without we'd surely die
To go without is suicide
Are you a lion or a lamb?
Are you as guilty as I am?
__Her Name__
It's never been easy for us
Maybe it's worth it
This all seems to come down
when I'm still rubbing my eyes from sleep
Confusion
And I'm sure you think you've won me over
I just never know where to look for the right answers
And maybe you're wrong for always soothing my frantic mind
And you say to give it time
You say things will be fine
You say you'll work this out but...
But you don't know that
You say to give it time
You say things will be fine
You say you'll work this out
But you don't know that for sure
Like teasing blades on skin
Supple, subtle innuendos medicate me
I'm giving in
Like needles in my brain
Passionate remembrances to educate me
I'm giving in again
A cracked and fragile smile
A failed attempt at innocence is shuffling towards me
But something else is shuffling behind
I ask myself in a coital haze,
Whose face is staring out at me?
Whose face has come to devour me?
Mirror of all I have in sins
that I'll never end of
Never have enough for you
And I... I can feel you
I can fill you in
As long as I keep you safe with me
And warm in all I give you
Anything, if that was enough
___Weight of Water___
Take a cupful from your hand
Wait for forty days
Make a river through the sand
Until you're called by a secret name
And the weight of the water has brought me back to this
Just leave me to the river
Let it cleanse my face
I have no power to ward it
Like the baptism of the earth
And the weight of the water has brought me back to this
And the step where you stood
As I bleed from the wound
How I cower to that weight
Still I’ll make this water home
___Daffodil Lament___
Holding on
That's what I do since I met you
And it won't be long
Would you notice if I left you?
And it's fine for some
Because you're not the one...
You're not the one there
All night long laid on my pillow
These things are wrong
I can't sleep here
I have decided to leave you forever
I have decided to start things from here
Thunder and lightning won't change what I'm feeling
And the daffodils look lovely today
In your eyes I can see the disguise
In your eyes I can see the dismay
Has anyone seen lightning?
Has anyone looked lovely?
And the daffodils look lovely today
__/End (disc one)__
__Start/__
___Waves Become Wings___
Please, stay
Stay a while
Mystery light keep the dark inside
Evading glances when the light's implied
Stay and run unto me
Sail to me
Come to me
___Limbo___
Nice limbo you have here
Nice feel you have on
Baby, go back to your womb
You grow the apples around me
I'll spit the seeds on your grave
Bead me a necklace, a decade I'll wait
Picture this gun
I'm tired of crying
I'm going to run
I swear you
Move you to my pores
I'm not going to cry anymore
Dead is next door
Baby, go back to your womb
You pulled my limbs one by one into limbo
___God Damn Me___
There isn't enough hot water to be in
There isn't enough salt lake to lie in
There isn't enough sky to fly in so softly
There isn't enough breath to breathe
Not for me
Oh, God damn me
There isn't enough snow to see through, snow's too deep
There isn't enough fog to see through, not through to me
There isn't enough gain to get from, not from me
Oh, God damn me
Nothing changes
Nothing we erase
Nothing to chase
Nothing but me
Oh, God damn me
___Fruit Fly___
Left some food wrapped up
in a plastic bag
on the kitchen table
way too long
Sat down to eat
next to the bag
I was too tired
to throw it out
I saw a swarm of fruit flies
I took the bag downstairs
When I came back
they were still there
Flying jerky patterns
like snowflakes in the air
I'm sorry...
You got nowhere to go
Left, straight, right, straight
I can't find the reason
I know I'll keep going but
I can't find a reason
Nothing looks right
Nothing smells right
I can't land
Geometric patterns smearing out of control
Only have enough gas left for the beercan to the bowl
What can you do but go on?
Oh no,
you make your own mistakes
I cannot bring them back to you
Oh no,
you make your own mistakes
I cannot measure up to you
___Denied___
The telephone is ringing
Disconnect the line
The tension, oh, it's building
but I'm alright
The stars are colliding
so you might as well let me go
The television is burning
I set it on fire
The wheels, they keep turning
But I'm fine
What about the questions we have
locked up inside?
Somewhere
Somehow
We've been denied
Hand in hand we walk blind
Pretending
Defending
While our souls are tied
It's only the third hour
My concience subsides
But something will remind me
that you lied
What about the concequences?
This can't be right
Somewhere
Somehow
We've been denied
Hand in hand we walk blind
Pretending
Defending
While our souls are tied
___Killed By an Angel___
Welcome to the lonesome world of Abel
Where every brother's knife is set to slay you
And paranoia keeps you healthy
Crooked deals can keep you wealthy
Serum vials to help you when you're sad
Every other face is bent and broken
Wrap your teeth around the only game in town
Made your clothes from insulation
Break your day for pay and ration
Hide
Killed by an angel
Lost inside amazing colors
It's never how you feel
It comes in a bottle
Let's say you found a gun
How would your bad side burn?
It's never how you feel
It comes in a bottle
Relax and all these whores will lick the membrane
Just a touch, a stain, a hole in your brain
It's cold when you remove the nails
Beg for more when all else fails
Serum vials to help you when you're sad
Killed by an angel
Lost inside amazing colors
It's never how you feel
It comes in a bottle
Let's say you found a gun
How would your bad side burn?
It's never how you feel
It comes in a bottle
The way the sea reflects the sun
Long gone
And all the miracles of love
Long gone
You hold your heart out in your hand
One last long sigh gone
When you see the sores you can't believe them
Pathogenic lovers in the basement cell
Dirty white sheets cut up in strips
Cracks in the mirror and your mind slips
Serum vials to help you when you're sad
Killed by an angel
___40 Miles From the Sun___
There is nowhere left to hide
There is nothing to be done
No people to be saved
No pets we've never named
40 miles from the sun
As darkness craves the mind
We come undone without our pride
No time on the earth to come
All the pleasures just begun
40 miles from the sun
In our coats beneath the layers
Wash my skin of all the hate
We should sleep late
Everything just kind of grates
40 miles from the sun
I need to lose to make it right
I'll confront the stars tonight
I will babble, I will bite
You will never know how much you shine
40 miles from the sun
___The Chain___
Listen to the wind blow
Watch the sun rise
Run in the shadows
Damn your love, damn your lies
And if you don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
you would never break the chain
Listen to the wind blow
Down comes the night
Run in the shadows
Damn your love, damn your lies
Break the silence
Damn the dark, damn the light
And if you don't love me now
You will never love me again
I can still hear you saying
you would never break the chain
Chain, keep us together
Run in the shadows
___Two-Step___
The light, it burns your skin
in a language you don't understand
It's not that hard
That's not all
Voices small
Heed them either way they call
Two step around the room
Kneel down on white
Two step around the room
You can kneel down on white
___With My Hands Out___
I want to go back across that sea
With my hands out
And I will rise from the water
And though I'm cold and wet
I will be clean
I want to come back from this robbery
With my hands up
And I will lie down and be handcuffed
Take me, I will be yours
Dripping wet
Just try and hold me
I am dripping wet and limp
___Attrition___
Little ones burn the breeze
Is this all night will be?
Anchor mask
Spoiled seed
Finally it comes for me
Call me out
Breathing fists
All the stars aligned for this
Brought of wrath
Scars will pass from the skin through this path
Lonely ghosts of books we wrote
will never need to be seen
Plight of days so filled with graves
I never meant something lovely
Felt of grace
My hollow face
could always break so endlessly
Come on child
The distant miles
could not merely set us free
Still is scene
Scorn of we
Attrition danced on playfully
I believe I'm deceived
My hope paints me darkly
Scatter stones
Nothing is shown
The lie of "all I own"
Colonial kiss
Killing fields
Watch what fear will wield
Lonely ghosts of books we wrote
will never need to be seen
Plight of days so filled with graves
I never meant something lovely
Felt of grace
My hollow face
could always break so endlessly
Come on child
The distant miles
could not merely set us free
Sum songs add wrong
Come calm black faun
Kiss her once for me
All the ravenous cannibals come home
Come on back for me
___/End (disc two)___
Enjoy! (again)