Happiness and Desire
I've seen people who have everything going wrong with their lives who still hold a positive outlook and are unaffected or brought down by there situation. I have also, and more often, seen people who have a wonderful life where nothing terrible happens, who get completely broken up by the littlest things that happen to them. How is that possible? Why are some people willing to accept when things go wrong and others aren't? Is it because they are stronger? Or another question could be, is it better to be a person who is unaffected by trauma, or are these feelings of uncomfort and unhappiness necessary in our lives? Before those questions can even be thought about, I think one must first understand what makes someone happy, or more specifically, what makes someone unhappy.
I believe it is the Buddhist religion that teaches that desire is at the root of all unhappiness. For those who live their lives according to that ideology, one must be very careful of their attitudes towards material possessions. Imagine someone in our culture who desires to own everything they see advertised on TV and everything they see other people owning. I don't believe it is possible for this person to be truly happy. He has so many desires and he wants so many things that he will never be satisfied. A desire that goes unfulfilled, will cause stress. This is also not limited to the desire for material possessions, but includes any desire that someone may have. To solve this problem, some people might say that living like a monk would be best; to live a life of simplicity, where desire does not haunt their heart. If a man were to have no desire for anything, they would have no reason for unhappiness, but they would also have no reason to live.
This is what brought me to think that a person can have desire and still be happy, but only if he is careful about what he desires for. I already said that an unsatisfied desire causes stress, so then that means that you should only desire for what you can actually obtain. But how can you know to allow yourself to have a desire for? Guessing could be a dangerous thing. Let us say that someone desires to have a loving wife to spend his life with. This is a wonderful thing to long for, but some people might never be able to obtain it. For whatever reason, this desire may or may not be fulfilled, because it is beyond his control. I am not saying there is nothing he can do to increase his chances, because that would be foolish for me to say. I am only saying there are variables he cannot control.
So then what can we control? Man has learned many different ways to "control" other people: by manipulation, by setting an example, or by using rewards and punishments to mold behavior. Ultimately, their is always free will, because of this, the only thing man can control absolutely is himself. You could get picky, and say that we can control inanimate objects, but even that isn't entirely under your control and is a result of your body's movements. To be completely accurate, you cannot even have complete control over your body. Disease and alcohol are two examples of things that can change the amount of control you have over your body. When I say the only thing you can control is yourself, I mean your emotions, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and view of the world. If someone were to desire to learn how to love better, or desire to make themselves a kinder person, while it may not be easy, they are the only person who can make that desire be fulfilled. The control is in their hands.
At this point I am imagining a monk or a priest who spends the majority of their life in meditation. Never desiring for material possessions nor even for relationships with other people. All that exists is them and their thoughts. The kind of serenity that can be achieved by living this lifestyle is something I can only imagine... However, this kind of lifestyle has its drawbacks. If I were to start spending 8 hours a day in meditation, I would not have time for my friends, my family, my school work, my job (if I had one), or any of the other activities that are expected of me from this culture. I would not be able to support myself as I aged and would become a burden to my parents. It is just not a practical option for me.
Now I must find a proper balance to all of these things, because allowing myself to go back to where I started would be a waste. I have to keep my desires in check, so that I will not long for something I may never have and so that my desires will be for my own self improvement. I must also act upon those desires that I do have, so they may someday be satisfied. If I continue in this manor, I believe I can cause my happiness to grow.
...So does that mean I cannot desire to help other people? No, it means that when I have a desire to help other people, or a similar desire that is not within my control, I understand that I am choosing this desire with the knowledge that it may cause me unhappiness.
Understand that what I've spoken about until this point is how I believe a person can obtain happiness, or at least relieve stress and unhappiness. For someone to only desire for change within themself, they would be taking one extreme. Another extreme would be sacrificing your happiness by having too many desires for other people to have what they want. Both of those things are wonderful in moderation, but either of those extremes cause problems. What I believe would work best would be a balance of the two. You cannot benefit the lives of others if you are too focused on your happiness, but you cannot be happy if you are too focused on your desires to give other people what they want.
(This is just me thinking out loud, please forgive me if I use too many "you"s that make it seem like I'm preaching.) I must learn this balance. I must learn how to have a desire to help other people, but I must also know to limit my desires so that I do not make myself so unhappy that I do no good to anyone.
I believe it is the Buddhist religion that teaches that desire is at the root of all unhappiness. For those who live their lives according to that ideology, one must be very careful of their attitudes towards material possessions. Imagine someone in our culture who desires to own everything they see advertised on TV and everything they see other people owning. I don't believe it is possible for this person to be truly happy. He has so many desires and he wants so many things that he will never be satisfied. A desire that goes unfulfilled, will cause stress. This is also not limited to the desire for material possessions, but includes any desire that someone may have. To solve this problem, some people might say that living like a monk would be best; to live a life of simplicity, where desire does not haunt their heart. If a man were to have no desire for anything, they would have no reason for unhappiness, but they would also have no reason to live.
This is what brought me to think that a person can have desire and still be happy, but only if he is careful about what he desires for. I already said that an unsatisfied desire causes stress, so then that means that you should only desire for what you can actually obtain. But how can you know to allow yourself to have a desire for? Guessing could be a dangerous thing. Let us say that someone desires to have a loving wife to spend his life with. This is a wonderful thing to long for, but some people might never be able to obtain it. For whatever reason, this desire may or may not be fulfilled, because it is beyond his control. I am not saying there is nothing he can do to increase his chances, because that would be foolish for me to say. I am only saying there are variables he cannot control.
So then what can we control? Man has learned many different ways to "control" other people: by manipulation, by setting an example, or by using rewards and punishments to mold behavior. Ultimately, their is always free will, because of this, the only thing man can control absolutely is himself. You could get picky, and say that we can control inanimate objects, but even that isn't entirely under your control and is a result of your body's movements. To be completely accurate, you cannot even have complete control over your body. Disease and alcohol are two examples of things that can change the amount of control you have over your body. When I say the only thing you can control is yourself, I mean your emotions, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and view of the world. If someone were to desire to learn how to love better, or desire to make themselves a kinder person, while it may not be easy, they are the only person who can make that desire be fulfilled. The control is in their hands.
At this point I am imagining a monk or a priest who spends the majority of their life in meditation. Never desiring for material possessions nor even for relationships with other people. All that exists is them and their thoughts. The kind of serenity that can be achieved by living this lifestyle is something I can only imagine... However, this kind of lifestyle has its drawbacks. If I were to start spending 8 hours a day in meditation, I would not have time for my friends, my family, my school work, my job (if I had one), or any of the other activities that are expected of me from this culture. I would not be able to support myself as I aged and would become a burden to my parents. It is just not a practical option for me.
Now I must find a proper balance to all of these things, because allowing myself to go back to where I started would be a waste. I have to keep my desires in check, so that I will not long for something I may never have and so that my desires will be for my own self improvement. I must also act upon those desires that I do have, so they may someday be satisfied. If I continue in this manor, I believe I can cause my happiness to grow.
...So does that mean I cannot desire to help other people? No, it means that when I have a desire to help other people, or a similar desire that is not within my control, I understand that I am choosing this desire with the knowledge that it may cause me unhappiness.
Understand that what I've spoken about until this point is how I believe a person can obtain happiness, or at least relieve stress and unhappiness. For someone to only desire for change within themself, they would be taking one extreme. Another extreme would be sacrificing your happiness by having too many desires for other people to have what they want. Both of those things are wonderful in moderation, but either of those extremes cause problems. What I believe would work best would be a balance of the two. You cannot benefit the lives of others if you are too focused on your happiness, but you cannot be happy if you are too focused on your desires to give other people what they want.
(This is just me thinking out loud, please forgive me if I use too many "you"s that make it seem like I'm preaching.) I must learn this balance. I must learn how to have a desire to help other people, but I must also know to limit my desires so that I do not make myself so unhappy that I do no good to anyone.