Few people know that President Jimmy Carter appointed Chuck Norris as Secretary of Awesome in 1978. This cabinet level position was later rescinded in 1981 after Norris refused to give up his title.
Chuck Norris can only be killed by silver bullets in the shape of candy canes.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
The only weaknesses of Superman are kryptonite and Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made
Chuck Norris waited patiently in Al Capone’s vault for 63 years just so he could give Geraldo Rivera the surprise beating of his lifetime
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
The first solar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.
Chuck was once in a Veit Cong prison camp but when they searched him and found his ID they let him go with their best bottle of Sake
After the Grinch stole Christmas, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face and took it back. Then he roundhouse kicked every last orphan in whoville and kept it for himself.
During the 15th century Chuck Norris became tired of sailors complaining about falling off the edge of the Earth. Chuck Norris then round housed the Earth and made it round. He then created scientology so that one day he could have a reason to hate Tom Cruise
Germans suffered 4 million casualties during World War 2. 80% were roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris, the rest ate nails to avoid the suffering.
Chuck Norris, unlike most people, is able to breathe in the vacuum of space. In fact, anything else would damage his respiratory system. Because of this, whenever he's visiting Earth, he wears a respirator, which resembles a kickass beard.
Chuck Norris can only be killed by silver bullets in the shape of candy canes.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
The only weaknesses of Superman are kryptonite and Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made
Chuck Norris waited patiently in Al Capone’s vault for 63 years just so he could give Geraldo Rivera the surprise beating of his lifetime
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer
There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
The first solar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins.
Chuck was once in a Veit Cong prison camp but when they searched him and found his ID they let him go with their best bottle of Sake
After the Grinch stole Christmas, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face and took it back. Then he roundhouse kicked every last orphan in whoville and kept it for himself.
During the 15th century Chuck Norris became tired of sailors complaining about falling off the edge of the Earth. Chuck Norris then round housed the Earth and made it round. He then created scientology so that one day he could have a reason to hate Tom Cruise
Germans suffered 4 million casualties during World War 2. 80% were roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris, the rest ate nails to avoid the suffering.
Chuck Norris, unlike most people, is able to breathe in the vacuum of space. In fact, anything else would damage his respiratory system. Because of this, whenever he's visiting Earth, he wears a respirator, which resembles a kickass beard.
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