♚ greet the dawn and i will be standing by your side
Affects: A sense of pride, deep surging pride, a horrible sort of loneliness, a painful happiness, and a spot of grief. And above all, what you least expect from someone like her, tenderness. (And so many other things.)
Status; Some words are blurred over, unless you are someone familiar to her, (Suzaku, Lelouch, . . )
Note: Heavy spoilerish? "( ) " are thoughts and memories.
--
She opened the door. A silence entered the dark room, along with a slant of light, as she stepped inside. “I applaud you for being able to put a mask on against Nunnally the entire way, “ The words were soft, as the person they were being spoken to lifted his head in that gloomy space, clad in regal clothing. His eyes were tired, and his head was lowered.
All of his masks were gone, but it made little difference. For you saw through each and every one of them.
(Vaguely you remember the little boy he had been long ago, with the wide innocent eyes, so much like his mother’s--..so tired and burdened and remorseful now. He is tired of the games now, and soon he is going to bring them to an end, you can almost hear that thought within his mind. But he is no longer a little prince.)
“I tried to find other ways around it, but the answers were always the same, “ The man said brokenly, unable to meet her gaze.
Strange, because he had always been able to meet your eyes, challenge and try to revive the dead and frozen heart inside of you, so ancient and tired and bitter and sad.
“That my decision back there was correct..” He trailed off, staring blankly ahead into nothing.
“Lelouch, isn’t this enough? “
(There is a surge of pride surging in your chest, a tenderness that wasn’t there before. It’s much like a thawing as much as it is an overwhelming sense of sadness. )
Images flash in your mind, enough to make up two years, of quiet nights where his voice would fill with excitement, his eyes lit up with brilliant plans behind them, as he leaned in and discussed them, hanging on your every word, trusting you, accepting you-
--Humanizing you. (Saving you. )
You sit on the edge of the bed, brows furrowed, simply staring at his back, you have done it for two years, and now that is about to end.
Moving back, you lean against his back, pulling your legs to your chest, listening to the breath leave his lungs, feeling his muscles move as he breathes, taking in every little mannerism, every thing you know so well about him.
Human beings die so quickly, but in the short two years you have lived with him, fought with him, guided and protected and taught him-you considered the options. You knew the path would make him lonely. But there was something about this boy that brought a glimmer of hope as his eyes met yours.
To know that these breaths are bound to be so much shorter now, so soon. . . to stop, so soon..
“You understand why I must do evil, right?”
You feel his voice reverberate out of his slender body, no longer the high-pitched soprano you remember hearing in the gardens, a mere guardian shadow against the foliage, a phantom behind a woman in a bright blue dress. .
You have been watching him for years now.
( You have become so used to watching over him. It feels right. )
“Besides, a reign under Damocles will make humans a symbol..”
He trails off, but as usual, your words are sharp, meant to shed light, lights that only you see, histories that only you know.
(Roads that only you can walk, and nobody else)
“But Nunnally is on Damocles, “
At night he would often have nightmares, and that name would escape his lips in tormented murmurs, the only word that needed to be said.
“You’ve been doing all this for Nunnally’s sake…”
(A little girl folds so many paper cranes, and you watch her, you recognize the tenderness in his voice, and you are reminded of what love looks like. You have forgotten it for so very long..)
He straightens up, proud, regal, solitary. Lelouch is not his father, he is not a good King, or a necessarily good person.
(But memories flash by of the way he said your name, the touch of his lips, the quiet promise that if you are evil, then he will as well. Because Lelouch doesn’t see you as a monster, or a demon, or an unnatural being. You are the annoying girl on his bed, who listens to him above all others, who stays with him above all others..-who knows him above all others)
“I cannot show her special treatment anymore.”
Your brows furrow, words so painful to say,
you know how much it must hurt for him to admit.
“For the sake of the many lives that have disappeared, we cannot stop anymore. ”
(Two years and there are enough memories to burn permanent holes in your brain. Enough to fill centuries and centuries of solitude with laughter, challenges companionship--..kindness. Do you have any idea what this means? What you’ve done-for someone like me-something like me---. )
And for an instant she wants to admit that she doesn’t mind if they never stop, never stop destroying and tearing the world apart, no matter the sacrifices, because she is selfish and she has never been a part of the world’s story before. Never been alive like this.
He makes you want to try.
And so he confides in you one final time.
“Right, C.C.?”
( “Don’t you think so C.C.? “ “What do you think C.C.? “
“Tell me what you’re thinking, C.C.---C.C. C.C. C.C.-and then a a human name)
You find yourself melting a little bit more, becoming a little bit more of a person than before.
You might even become a girl one day, but he won’t see it.
Lips twitching, you realize that you are smiling, and it feels like a true one, as you gently lean back, pressed against his profile with your head against soft, raveny-black, and your hand seeking his in the dark, tenderly, reassuringly, faithfully.
(“ I told you before, “ You gently wrap your arms around him.)
“Ah, that’s right..Lelouch. “
You stay in the darkness with him.
(“You and I are accomplices. I will stay by your side until the very end..” Whispered softly almost like a prayer.)
Where else would you be but here?