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[aetigae]

Lonliness is an interesting thing. I think that it's something that I've suffered from all ym life without ever really understanding what it is. The need to reach out and to be reached out to, to see and be seen, to touch and hold and to be held is so powerful its almost breath-taking. That being said, I wonder about my life and the choices that I'

Comments

[anonymous]

I am one who does not know you, only one who has a glimpse in what you do and say. From what I have seen, I have a tremendous amount of admiration for you and I want to encourage you seek the help that you need to live a long, loving, wonderful life. Your crisis is real. The potential for you to self sabotage to a point where you feel there is no way out but to commit suicide seems very strong. My prescription is that, when you are able and willing, find a very good PsyD who specializes in Attachment Theory and Interpersonal Relationships, because your brain, in particular, is a delicate precision instrument that requires someone who knows what they are doing to unlock it for you so that you may have use of its full potential through your life journey, and these two areas seem to be where you need a lot of guidance. A MSW or a M.Psy that doesn't know how to "see" you may bulldoze you in a way that will not be helpful, and there are many that will do that.

All in all, I do not want to make you uncomfortable and give you the impression that you have a stalker or anything like that, so if I have, I'll ask for your forgiveness. As you have chosen a pseudonym, I also choose to remain anonymous. Know that you have some angelic guardians who are concerned about your well-being. Love be with you.

Your Friend!

[aetigae]

I wonder how it is that you found me, mysterious reader, and what possibly could have enticed you into being so interested with my well-being. Do not mistake me here, I am very grateful for the conversation, it has been quite stimulating, but do forgive my curiosity in your identity. It is not often that I get comments, especially from someone that I do not know.
Now, I assure you that I will not be doing anything so foolish as committing suicide. That proves nothing and is the easy way out, and I am not interested in that. I am interested in self-betterment and growth and learning, and suicide is ignorant and destructive. I have already been through that lesson. As far as a psychologist is necessary, I simply can't bring myself to see one. I am sure that they would unearth mountainous problems from my cerebellum and decide that I need extensive mental overhaul, but I would have a hard time believing it, nor do I think it necessary. I shall work through my problems myself and with those who care for me. In the end I feel that it is compassion and true concern for a person that can save and heal and it would taste a lie to pay someone to be that. However, I do think that the learning offered by a person who has extensively studied such things would be a great resource, but I might content myself with looking into the matter myself.
Lastly, you do not make me uncomfortable, just surprised, and curious. And Weiler, while not revealing, isn't a pseudonym. It is my name, just part of it, as this journal is not all of me, but a glimpse into a part of me.
Thank you for your concern and well-wishes.

Join the Fun
Weiler

[anonymous]

"Weiler", thank you. I do not want to be overly intrusive.

Death occurs on many levels, as does suicide-not all are physical (although a psychological death may very well lead to an untimely physical one). We do not seek out medical doctors because they like us; we do so to live, and hopefully live healthy. I understand your perspective on the subject of psychologists, however, you are not paying one to love you, nor are you paying for him/her to be your friend. You are paying him/her for their education. It would not be reasonable, for you as a musician, to dedicate much of your life, youth, and focus of expertise into your education, and be expected to play or teach without compensation. There are times and places for freebies, and friends are great, however, many of them do not have the education necessary to aid you in fields that are paramedical. Do not be so quick to think that you are not in need of help, nor should you place your beliefs in your own perception (or the ones that you like the most) or solely in the things you think you know. A medical doctor can advise and treat a patient who continues to smoke, despite his/her asthmatic condition and family history of lung cancer, however, the doctor cannot/will not do more than advise and treat. Not seeing a doctor isn't going to make the condition better, it just takes away the feelings of being nagged. The same is the case for some of the less obvious mental conditions (which can and most often do have effect of physical symptoms). If you are resistant, then as you wish.

Sum and parts. Some parts were never meant to be separated. What is wholeness?

Your Friend!

[anonymous]

Stated in the first comment above, I claimed "Your soul is bleeding and it needs love. Love is a two way street. . ." immediately after I suggested getting help. I see now how you have interpreted my suggestion. Again, we do not go to a professional for love, we go to a professional to learn how to let love in. The reason that I suggest that you need help is because you have learned habits and ways that make it difficult for you to receive love. A professional hopefully realizes where the blockades are and helps you remove and build them when necessary so that you are able to best function just being you. Again, it should be education you seek (distinct from knowledge, it is wisdom).