Because Eddy's brother is a brother and I am a brother to any brother who is a brother to me!
Hey All,
It seems that lately my mind is filled with little except stresses and doubts and worries. I've reached this strange amorphous place in my life where I seem to have started to tread down a road that I thought would lead me to the places where I wanted to go and has ended up becoming constricted, restrained and turning towards places I hadn't thought to go.
It's funny, because I finally realize what people mean by 'things get complicated when you get older.' Things ARE complicated, but it's not that they GET complicated, they always were. You just don't ever see it until you have to start making your own decisions. At first it's easy. You say to yourself: I need to get an education. And so you go sign up for school and here's this big long list of classes that you have to take. And you say: Alright, I'll start taking these classes. Then you get done with all of your basic class requirements. Then you have to choose what you want to specialize in. For me, that was easy. I'm a singer, I want to sing, I want to perform. Sounds simple, right? Well, now we start to get into different shades of grey. I'll take music classes, I think. What kind of music classes? I say. I should take Theory, I think, because then I'll know more about what I'm doing and singing. And I say, that sounds good, what else? Then I think, I should take a performance group so I can keep my chops up. And I say, what Kind of performance group? And I say, Vocal Jazz, because it's harder and it will be more challenging. So, I take Music Theory and Vocal Jazz for a year. I learn a lot, I get better. Maybe not a TON better, but better. So, that year ends and over the summer I get into a musical and learn a lot about performing and acting that I never even knew before. I'm excited, I'm energized, this is a lot of fun! I get a girlfriend, who is awesome and I love her. Things seem to be looking up. The new school year starts. My VJ director says he'll offer me a scholarship to be in the group again. I have hesitations to be in the group again after all the tension and stress of last year from being in the group, but I can't turn down a scholarship. I sign up. The scholarship entails that I have to take Theory year two. That doesn't seem too bad. I also have to take the college Concert Choir, which is easy music, so I accept. However, I also sign up for two more classes, because I want to get into a good University later and these will help me. So I now have five classes, 21 credits, to take care of. A little much, but I can handle, it, right? Well, the school year starts, and off I go to classes. Theory proves to be pretty freak'n hard this time around, and most of the knowledge that they're feeding me isn't very useful to my trade. I guess I can live with that. Concert Choir is as expected. VJ, however, lost a lot of good members last year so the group is young and inexperienced. That means it's going to take more work this year to get it good. That's disappointing, but not unexpected. However, my other two classes aren't a walk through the park and all of my tuition and books, even with my scholarship, have proved a might expensive. I get a job. Classes get harder. I feel trapped. I never see my girlfriend and she is being pursued by another man. A dark feeling of dread descends upon me. I'm just struggling to keep up with everything. I get no sleep, I worry, I work, but I can't seem to work well enough.
....
This is the situation I find myself in. I contemplate my options and find them notoriously limited. I think right now I'm hovering between nervous breakdown and death, neither of which will help me keep my girlfriend. I just feel... tired. Very tired. I feel like I'm doing so much to please so many people, but it never turns out. I'm not good enough for my boss, I'm not talented enough for my director, I'm not smart enough for my mom. I have no support network now since I'm too busy to keep up with my friends, and my family has never been overly inclined to offer support, save for a few exceptions. And, either way, my friends have never been inclined to help me out anyway. I feel old, like I've lived longer in the past few months than I did in the past year. There's little to do than just get through it, I guess. Hopefully I'll make it. My money's on not, though.
I hope that everything is going well with all of you out there who will probably not read this whole thing because it's too long and who wants to hear my whine, anyway? Still, I hope that your lives are wonderful, as they deserve to be. Life should be wonderful.
Join the Fun
~Weiler
It seems that lately my mind is filled with little except stresses and doubts and worries. I've reached this strange amorphous place in my life where I seem to have started to tread down a road that I thought would lead me to the places where I wanted to go and has ended up becoming constricted, restrained and turning towards places I hadn't thought to go.
It's funny, because I finally realize what people mean by 'things get complicated when you get older.' Things ARE complicated, but it's not that they GET complicated, they always were. You just don't ever see it until you have to start making your own decisions. At first it's easy. You say to yourself: I need to get an education. And so you go sign up for school and here's this big long list of classes that you have to take. And you say: Alright, I'll start taking these classes. Then you get done with all of your basic class requirements. Then you have to choose what you want to specialize in. For me, that was easy. I'm a singer, I want to sing, I want to perform. Sounds simple, right? Well, now we start to get into different shades of grey. I'll take music classes, I think. What kind of music classes? I say. I should take Theory, I think, because then I'll know more about what I'm doing and singing. And I say, that sounds good, what else? Then I think, I should take a performance group so I can keep my chops up. And I say, what Kind of performance group? And I say, Vocal Jazz, because it's harder and it will be more challenging. So, I take Music Theory and Vocal Jazz for a year. I learn a lot, I get better. Maybe not a TON better, but better. So, that year ends and over the summer I get into a musical and learn a lot about performing and acting that I never even knew before. I'm excited, I'm energized, this is a lot of fun! I get a girlfriend, who is awesome and I love her. Things seem to be looking up. The new school year starts. My VJ director says he'll offer me a scholarship to be in the group again. I have hesitations to be in the group again after all the tension and stress of last year from being in the group, but I can't turn down a scholarship. I sign up. The scholarship entails that I have to take Theory year two. That doesn't seem too bad. I also have to take the college Concert Choir, which is easy music, so I accept. However, I also sign up for two more classes, because I want to get into a good University later and these will help me. So I now have five classes, 21 credits, to take care of. A little much, but I can handle, it, right? Well, the school year starts, and off I go to classes. Theory proves to be pretty freak'n hard this time around, and most of the knowledge that they're feeding me isn't very useful to my trade. I guess I can live with that. Concert Choir is as expected. VJ, however, lost a lot of good members last year so the group is young and inexperienced. That means it's going to take more work this year to get it good. That's disappointing, but not unexpected. However, my other two classes aren't a walk through the park and all of my tuition and books, even with my scholarship, have proved a might expensive. I get a job. Classes get harder. I feel trapped. I never see my girlfriend and she is being pursued by another man. A dark feeling of dread descends upon me. I'm just struggling to keep up with everything. I get no sleep, I worry, I work, but I can't seem to work well enough.
....
This is the situation I find myself in. I contemplate my options and find them notoriously limited. I think right now I'm hovering between nervous breakdown and death, neither of which will help me keep my girlfriend. I just feel... tired. Very tired. I feel like I'm doing so much to please so many people, but it never turns out. I'm not good enough for my boss, I'm not talented enough for my director, I'm not smart enough for my mom. I have no support network now since I'm too busy to keep up with my friends, and my family has never been overly inclined to offer support, save for a few exceptions. And, either way, my friends have never been inclined to help me out anyway. I feel old, like I've lived longer in the past few months than I did in the past year. There's little to do than just get through it, I guess. Hopefully I'll make it. My money's on not, though.
I hope that everything is going well with all of you out there who will probably not read this whole thing because it's too long and who wants to hear my whine, anyway? Still, I hope that your lives are wonderful, as they deserve to be. Life should be wonderful.
Join the Fun
~Weiler