I am dead from the neck up

Jun 13, 2004 19:49

Hey Everyone,

What a week it's been. While not much has happened in terms of number of events, those events that have occured are of a more significant nature.
My college vocal jazz group had it's last performance. A vast number of the people who were in it are not coming back. I'm the only male in the group that's staying on next year. While I may not have been the best of friends with every one in the group we were all close in a way. A group of people can't spend that much time together without forming a bond of some kind, epsecially when the reason we all came together was music. Music groups share a certain closeness, like the kind you find in sport teams and army regiments. It's the bond of having to overcome challenges together, of having to depend on a group to get the job done. You may not like everyone on the team, but you respect them for their dedication and skill. The bottom line is that I'm losing a good team of people, people that I will probably never see again. But, life is about hellos and goodbyes. You just have to take them as they come.
It's summer now. I'm not taking any classes so I'm on full job-hunting mode. My mother's giving me the full run down, always telling me about how she's worried for my future. In a way I can understand that. In a way I'm worried as well. The one thing that I've always lacked in my life was passion. I've never really been passionate about anything. I've never been taken with an all-consuming desire to become something or go somewhere or do something. My goals have always been simple. I want life, love and a place to call my own. Maybe it's wrong to shoot so low, but I can't help but think that if everyone could be happy with just those simple things that the world would be a much better place. So many things have been sacrificed, good things, irreplacable things, in the name of progress or fame or fortune. Why would anyone want to be famous or to have more money than they could possibly use in a lifetime or want to go to the moon? There are so many wonderous things that surround us every day, so many beautiful people and places and experiences that are all right here in front of us. Why should we desire anything more than that? I've never understood it, and in many ways it's seperated me from most people of my generation.
I'm reading the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying right now. I figure that since philosophy and religion hold such a fascination for me that I should try and understand more of it, learn more about the different types, where they come from and what they say. I guess I have Joseph Campbell to thank for this new fascination.
I'm not sure when I'll be writing again. More and more seems to be pulling me away from computers and their world. I guess this is just my extremely-delayed growing up. Or maybe it's just another step through the journey that I have to take. I know it's useless to remind you since there aren't that many people that read this, but I check my email religiously. If you want/need to talk to me you can always get a hold of me there. No matter what.
I hope that everything's going well. Good luck with all you do. Be excellent to each other.

Join the Fun
~Weiler
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