Apr 10, 2003 20:04
i have this tendency to seek long-term relationships with people... i want to establish a sense of community, so that i can feel like my time and efforts will be reciprocated at some point. but i seem to have continually fallen into relationships with people who are apparently only willing to scam on me in the short term... lie to me, use me until
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love,
boundary,
comfort,
safe,
open,
consideration,
praise,
warning,
resentment,
projection,
reality,
behavior,
manifestation,
devotion,
abuse,
community,
long-term,
relationship,
shiny,
crying,
rude,
forget,
short-term,
pattern,
manipulation,
company,
expectation,
trust,
consensual,
suggestion,
separation,
destiny,
honest,
tarot,
challenge,
forgive,
ritual,
scam,
process,
freedom,
insult,
banishing,
greendreams,
risk,
responsible,
experience,
compassion,
respect,
responsibility,
enjoy,
harliquinmayhem,
appreciation,
awareness,
will,
friend,
change,
decision,
slack,
safety,
care,
desire,
short term,
perspective,
victim,
long term,
karma,
divine,
heart,
focus
a simple summary of my attitude is this: if at any time, you don't want to talk with me, or aren't enjoying my company, we can immediately separate. i only want to spend time with you when it is *mutually* agreeable. it's really that simple. i don't want to be a punching bag or be used as target practice for insults. whenever you are comfortable with me and want to enjoy my company, i will reciprocate.
and as a matter of fact, i do take all of your life experiences into consideration when i relate to you, just as much as i would for anyone. and i feel deep compassion for you, because you have suffered much in a relatively short period of time, and i'm afraid that you have decided to continue with that pattern (remember, i was crying as i read your tarot, last). so, as i would say to anyone who wanted to have a relationship with me at this point, i have certain standards: particularly, i would appreciate that you find another place to store any baggage that will prevent you from being considerate to me or any of my friends and loved ones. traumatic life experiences do not excuse continually rude behavior. i am so willing to cut you or anyone else some slack at this point in my life -- everybody has a bad day sometimes. but when the pattern establishes itself over a long period of time, i have to recognize and respond with safe, sane, and consensual boundaries.
i acknowledge that you have been repeatedly victimized horribly in your past. i do not believe that i victimized you; although i know that i haven't been the easiest person to get along with.
and still, i feel that i have been devoted to working on improving our relationship; while you have taken advantage of and abused my trust in you, repeatedly.
but you treat me like i was the aggressor. you made agreements with me that you were unwilling to keep -- please do not get angry with me for your inability to keep your agreements with me. i have long ago let go of all resentment against you for those things. so, when you suggest that we forgive and forget, i can only ask that you make certain that you have done so yourself. i recognize and appreciate that you have said you want to be more gentle with me, and i think that you know that i want to do the same for you. and i think that i have always been willing to see things from your point of view... i have just been waiting for you to be willing to share your point of view with me. thanks for posting! and now that i know that you don't want to talk about livejournal issues in person, i won't bring them up, except on lj. all i ask is that you give me warning about where your boundaries are, *before* you get mad at me for crossing them. i have to be made aware of the boundaries, to be able to respect them.
“If you get angry at someone for letting you down -- you are really angry at yourself for misjudging them -- you expected them to do anything besides self-interest, which is what drives humans. Allow freedom for the world around you and you will not grieve when reality presents itself to you. The world is alright -- what has to change is you.” (from _Awareness_ by Anthony DeMello)
but the fact is, it's a hell of a lot easier to know how to change, when people are being open, honest, and responsible in their relationships with you, right?
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