Disassociation, which causes problems for PTSD survivors, can actually be a handy tool for dealing with it, too...otherwise that mechanism wouldn't have cropped up in the first place. I remember in the dark teatime of the soul that was fall/winter 2001, I came home one day and felt the need to cry. OK, I don't know why, it'll come to me later...no big deal. Except that 20 minutes later I'm still crying, it's *not* getting any better, and in fact I'm starting to sound hysterical to my own ears. I sense that I'm quickly careening off into nervous breakdown territory, which scares the hell out of me - the last thing I need now is to lose control of my own mind, and decide I better try and short-circuit it in a hurry. So I found a large bottle of wine in the kitchen and just started drinking, kept at it until I could pass out about 45 minutes later (during which time I did not stop crying). Called my counselor the next day to tell him about it, and he said "Smart move." Disassociation has caused me many problems, but it helped me cope with the abuse, and it helped me deal with the above when the pain got too bad. It's not the healthiest approach and I'd hardly prescribe it, but give yourself some credit...you're still here. You found ways to cope. I still find ways to cope. And hopefully together we can do something about eliminating the pain so life doesn't revolve around coping.
I remember in the dark teatime of the soul that was fall/winter 2001, I came home one day and felt the need to cry. OK, I don't know why, it'll come to me later...no big deal.
Except that 20 minutes later I'm still crying, it's *not* getting any better, and in fact I'm starting to sound hysterical to my own ears. I sense that I'm quickly careening off into nervous breakdown territory, which scares the hell out of me - the last thing I need now is to lose control of my own mind, and decide I better try and short-circuit it in a hurry. So I found a large bottle of wine in the kitchen and just started drinking, kept at it until I could pass out about 45 minutes later (during which time I did not stop crying). Called my counselor the next day to tell him about it, and he said "Smart move."
Disassociation has caused me many problems, but it helped me cope with the abuse, and it helped me deal with the above when the pain got too bad. It's not the healthiest approach and I'd hardly prescribe it, but give yourself some credit...you're still here. You found ways to cope. I still find ways to cope. And hopefully together we can do something about eliminating the pain so life doesn't revolve around coping.
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