i dont know what's wrong with me.
okay, so i've done nothing all day long.
and i feel like worthless loser.
i have no life. no one ever asks me to do anything anymore because i usually have to get a ride, i hate not having my license, especially since i could have had it already! i hate that he's grounded, but i hate more that i have no other life but what's centered around the few people i really trust in my life, and if they're unavailable i get to stay at home by myself when everyone's out having fun. even my little brother is out with my dad right now. i hate this.
last night was interesting. not in the social sense however. regina's horses got loose and i spent an hour trekking all over the back 200 acres that is our little "community" private road whatever rattling a bucket and calling their names. i finally found them and had them follow me back up the hill so kimmy could catch the ringleader. (note to self, never try to catch a mare in heat till she's found the boys, because at least then she'll stay in one general area.) so we did that whole thing for about 2 hours. and then we all came back home and i was reading and then mom was being a kid and playing with alex and she finally like attacked me on the couch and i fell off onto another really bad bruise and one of alex's trucks and was so fed up that i blew up at her and alex and dad who'd gotten off the other couch like he was going to hit me or something and told them to all grow up, act like adults and get a life. then ran up the stairs slammed my door, turned on my closet light and read the rest of the girl with the pearl earring in silence and dark. peacefully, but what does mom do? she comes in and dumps the shoes i left downstairs on my head. nice.
very mature.
so anyways josh called me today and said he wished i could come over and i said i didnt, because i had already dealt with one overgrown child that had gone off to work and didnt feel like spending my evening in a house with another one. all i've ever been is friendly to the woman. whatever i'm not even going to think about it.
but yeah i feel like shit for not doing anything productive today, i just didnt want to get out of bed all day so i didnt. i feel like the depression is starting to creep back in, i hadnt had but like 2 bad days all fall/winter so far, and i've had like 3 in the last week. i need to go see allison. i hate feeling like this, but i dont feel like i have much i can do right now to counter it. its not pretty outside, it just kind of matches my mood which does not help.
god this is an annoyingly depressing entry, so i'm going to give up.
ya'll dont want to listen to my issues obviously. [thanks erin.]
bye.
and i feel like worthless loser.
i have no life. no one ever asks me to do anything anymore because i usually have to get a ride, i hate not having my license, especially since i could have had it already! i hate that he's grounded, but i hate more that i have no other life but what's centered around the few people i really trust in my life, and if they're unavailable i get to stay at home by myself when everyone's out having fun. even my little brother is out with my dad right now. i hate this.
last night was interesting. not in the social sense however. regina's horses got loose and i spent an hour trekking all over the back 200 acres that is our little "community" private road whatever rattling a bucket and calling their names. i finally found them and had them follow me back up the hill so kimmy could catch the ringleader. (note to self, never try to catch a mare in heat till she's found the boys, because at least then she'll stay in one general area.) so we did that whole thing for about 2 hours. and then we all came back home and i was reading and then mom was being a kid and playing with alex and she finally like attacked me on the couch and i fell off onto another really bad bruise and one of alex's trucks and was so fed up that i blew up at her and alex and dad who'd gotten off the other couch like he was going to hit me or something and told them to all grow up, act like adults and get a life. then ran up the stairs slammed my door, turned on my closet light and read the rest of the girl with the pearl earring in silence and dark. peacefully, but what does mom do? she comes in and dumps the shoes i left downstairs on my head. nice.
very mature.
so anyways josh called me today and said he wished i could come over and i said i didnt, because i had already dealt with one overgrown child that had gone off to work and didnt feel like spending my evening in a house with another one. all i've ever been is friendly to the woman. whatever i'm not even going to think about it.
but yeah i feel like shit for not doing anything productive today, i just didnt want to get out of bed all day so i didnt. i feel like the depression is starting to creep back in, i hadnt had but like 2 bad days all fall/winter so far, and i've had like 3 in the last week. i need to go see allison. i hate feeling like this, but i dont feel like i have much i can do right now to counter it. its not pretty outside, it just kind of matches my mood which does not help.
god this is an annoyingly depressing entry, so i'm going to give up.
ya'll dont want to listen to my issues obviously. [thanks erin.]
bye.