(no subject)
So I'm going to take a page out of the Doug playbook here and do a movie review. I initially planned on doing one for Little Man, as it's a pretty easy target to rip into. The box even says "The funniest movie since White Chicks!". In short, it's bad, but not nearly as bad as the utter pile of shit that was Superman Returns
So Superman movies are slow and boring because Superman is basically slow and boring. He has a lame mix of uncreative powers, and a gimmicky and easily abused weakness. I've always been bothered by the fact that Lois Lane can't tell Clark Kent is Superman whenever he simply puts on a pair of glasses, but that's nothing new to this movie. However in this movie, she's had sex with Superman and has his kid (who the guy she married thinks is his). As cool as that subplot could have been, it's touched once and left to rot with the rest of this shitty, terrible movie. What's the moral of this story? If you ever get someone pregnant and never want her to know who you are, put on some glasses.
So Superman catches things. That's how he saves people. Sometimes he catches people too, but mostly he spends the entire moving catching objects. When a plane has a serious malfuction in midair, what does Superman do? That's right, he rips off both wings so that it comes crashing towards the ground, and then he catches it. There's a scene that's basically an earthquake where a bunch of shit falls and he goes around catching it. For the biggest twist in the movie, he PULLS a boat out of the water that is sinking... in what is basically an underwater catch.
I dozed off partway through the movie, and apparently I missed the part where Superman becomes suddenly immune to kryptonite after getting his ass kicked on a giant island basically made of kryptonite. He makes a bunch of serious faces, somehow doesn't get weak around it anymore, picks up the entire island and hauls it into space.
It took me two sittings to get through it, and I don't recommend anyone else ever do the same
So Superman movies are slow and boring because Superman is basically slow and boring. He has a lame mix of uncreative powers, and a gimmicky and easily abused weakness. I've always been bothered by the fact that Lois Lane can't tell Clark Kent is Superman whenever he simply puts on a pair of glasses, but that's nothing new to this movie. However in this movie, she's had sex with Superman and has his kid (who the guy she married thinks is his). As cool as that subplot could have been, it's touched once and left to rot with the rest of this shitty, terrible movie. What's the moral of this story? If you ever get someone pregnant and never want her to know who you are, put on some glasses.
So Superman catches things. That's how he saves people. Sometimes he catches people too, but mostly he spends the entire moving catching objects. When a plane has a serious malfuction in midair, what does Superman do? That's right, he rips off both wings so that it comes crashing towards the ground, and then he catches it. There's a scene that's basically an earthquake where a bunch of shit falls and he goes around catching it. For the biggest twist in the movie, he PULLS a boat out of the water that is sinking... in what is basically an underwater catch.
I dozed off partway through the movie, and apparently I missed the part where Superman becomes suddenly immune to kryptonite after getting his ass kicked on a giant island basically made of kryptonite. He makes a bunch of serious faces, somehow doesn't get weak around it anymore, picks up the entire island and hauls it into space.
It took me two sittings to get through it, and I don't recommend anyone else ever do the same