AHRG.
`
i lied. im back. i need to release some....i don't know.
news. i got my independent study german for next semester. so i no longer have that double period to deal with. le cheer. i get to be in marching band during the day! that's happy news.
LBPoly JAZZ CONCERT!
WHO: the Poly instrumental jazz program
WHAT: end-of-the-year marathan jazz-a-thon
WHERE: CSULB, Daniel Recital Hall (like right next to the pyramid).
WHEN: Thursday, June 9. 6:45 PM.
WHY: cuz we're awesome. come. i'm in an acapella bari trio. it's sexy.
uhm. yeah. i'm going to rant and complain now. don't read it if you don't want to. it's for me, really. i need a place to just scream but i don't have it so i'm using livejournal. i put it behind a cut for your convenience.
i'm so tired. like beyond tired. like i'm slowly losing control of my body tired. my hands were shaking at the concert last night and i wasnt nevous. i cry every time i'm alone. if this keeps up i'll just randomly cry regardless. just a warning, those of you who see me daily.
too much goddamn stress. i can't take it.
i messed up again today. far too much.
too many horrible thoughts. i'm not going anywhere with my life cuz i'm too dumb and suck at school. i don't give back to the ones who love me. i don't love the ones i should. i'll never fit in with my class. i just want to screw everything and SLEEP. i think at this point i could sleep forever.
and my mom's furious at me for stuff she never told me about. like always. i didn't do anything. and i like how my dad acknowleges that i'm right, but never stands up for me cuz he can't take her mad at him too. "just apologize. don't get her more aggrevated". okay, i won't. because then she'll just bite his head off too. thanks for standing up for me dad. i'll just take it all so you don't have to deal with her in your face. your feeling of self-worth greatly surpasses mine in importance. i'm only an unstably emotional teen dying of exhaustion.
are you sure it's only wednesday? this is torture.