dos&donts
okay... i was on the vice website wasting more time, and i came across a fatty list of their famous do's and don'ts... heres some of the better ones... p.s. mel... pay careful attention...
DOs & DON'Ts-Calling shotgun
Every passenger has to be right outside the car before shotgun is called. Otherwise you could just yell "shotgun" from your bed the second you wake up. If you're really cool, you will deliver the word with a bit of panache. Like you could say, "Hey, you guys, look at all those ducks. Man, I wish I had my SHOTGUN here so I could blow 'em all away." When you're saying the "blow 'em all away" part, you should say it right into everyone's face in an "in your face, motherfuckers!" manner. Also, before saying "shotgun," be sure to pretend you're cocking an invisible shotgun and add the "chk chk" sound effect.
about putting X's on friends: "There is also such a thing as partial Xs. Like if you were really counting on someone to help you out and they let you down, you can still speak to them again but just hold the X deep inside your heart. If they ever ask you for any help on anything, you will then smile and say, "I don't think so." If they argue, you reach inside your heart, pull out the partial X, and hold it in their face screaming, "I will never forget that time when you did that thing!" (Mel... how funny is this?)
DOs & DON'Ts-Dead friends
If someone asks how you are at a bar or a party, you are not allowed to reply, "Not too good. So-and-so just died." It's not only a bringdown-it's also a pathetic bid for attention. If you were really broken up about it, you wouldn't be out drinking and dancing to "Boys Don't Cry" at 2 a.m. The simple rules for mourning are as follows:
1. Don't go anywhere that is traditionally associated with fun until you are ready to not talk about your dead friend.
2. Don't claim pissing rights to a dead person's memory unless you have either spent at least 10 late nights or one weekend out of town with them, or had dinner with their parents.
DOs & DON'Ts-Toothpicks
Don't walk around with a toothpick in your mouth for an hour after a meal. Maybe there are even a few stray morsels tucked in your dental work, but society does not need proof that you had dinner. Let it go.
DOs & DON'Ts-Sports fans
If you insist on talking about some game you like, don't use the word "we," as in "We're losing 10 to 7," or especially, "We're winning," or, "If only we had a left-handed pitcher who could get someone out." We, huh? You and the general manager are going to sit down and tackle that at some point in the near future? No. YOU are not. You get to witness a team full of transient millionaires compete in a game in which, no matter how hard you wish, wear your special hat, or cry, you have ZERO to do with the outcome. You aren't on the team. You aren't a paid consultant to the team. You're a fan of the team. Would you apply this shit to a band? Like, "I know Garcia has been dead for about eight years, but who are we gonna get to replace him?" or "How many dates are we touring?" or "Man, we played a kickass show last night." NO, you would never do that. Or even a favorite porn star? "We gotta dance in Lubbock. That's where we can earn the big dollars. Let's shake our tits. Boy, we really sucked that cock last night. God, I love it when we get a hot blast of cum on our implants."
oh man.. it's so funny... just like Old School is SOOO FUNNY!
go here for more: http://www.viceland.com/issues/v11n7/htdocs/the_vice.php
<3
DOs & DON'Ts-Calling shotgun
Every passenger has to be right outside the car before shotgun is called. Otherwise you could just yell "shotgun" from your bed the second you wake up. If you're really cool, you will deliver the word with a bit of panache. Like you could say, "Hey, you guys, look at all those ducks. Man, I wish I had my SHOTGUN here so I could blow 'em all away." When you're saying the "blow 'em all away" part, you should say it right into everyone's face in an "in your face, motherfuckers!" manner. Also, before saying "shotgun," be sure to pretend you're cocking an invisible shotgun and add the "chk chk" sound effect.
about putting X's on friends: "There is also such a thing as partial Xs. Like if you were really counting on someone to help you out and they let you down, you can still speak to them again but just hold the X deep inside your heart. If they ever ask you for any help on anything, you will then smile and say, "I don't think so." If they argue, you reach inside your heart, pull out the partial X, and hold it in their face screaming, "I will never forget that time when you did that thing!" (Mel... how funny is this?)
DOs & DON'Ts-Dead friends
If someone asks how you are at a bar or a party, you are not allowed to reply, "Not too good. So-and-so just died." It's not only a bringdown-it's also a pathetic bid for attention. If you were really broken up about it, you wouldn't be out drinking and dancing to "Boys Don't Cry" at 2 a.m. The simple rules for mourning are as follows:
1. Don't go anywhere that is traditionally associated with fun until you are ready to not talk about your dead friend.
2. Don't claim pissing rights to a dead person's memory unless you have either spent at least 10 late nights or one weekend out of town with them, or had dinner with their parents.
DOs & DON'Ts-Toothpicks
Don't walk around with a toothpick in your mouth for an hour after a meal. Maybe there are even a few stray morsels tucked in your dental work, but society does not need proof that you had dinner. Let it go.
DOs & DON'Ts-Sports fans
If you insist on talking about some game you like, don't use the word "we," as in "We're losing 10 to 7," or especially, "We're winning," or, "If only we had a left-handed pitcher who could get someone out." We, huh? You and the general manager are going to sit down and tackle that at some point in the near future? No. YOU are not. You get to witness a team full of transient millionaires compete in a game in which, no matter how hard you wish, wear your special hat, or cry, you have ZERO to do with the outcome. You aren't on the team. You aren't a paid consultant to the team. You're a fan of the team. Would you apply this shit to a band? Like, "I know Garcia has been dead for about eight years, but who are we gonna get to replace him?" or "How many dates are we touring?" or "Man, we played a kickass show last night." NO, you would never do that. Or even a favorite porn star? "We gotta dance in Lubbock. That's where we can earn the big dollars. Let's shake our tits. Boy, we really sucked that cock last night. God, I love it when we get a hot blast of cum on our implants."
oh man.. it's so funny... just like Old School is SOOO FUNNY!
go here for more: http://www.viceland.com/issues/v11n7/htdocs/the_vice.php
<3