today is the day
how hard can it be, really?
when what should we do tonight gets answered by alcohol, everytime, automatically...
first recreational, social.. an activity of sorts... then a pasttime, now just to pass the time
i always wonder if i should pay any attention to my dreams
should i listen
or, how can i not when i don't know where the line is drawn anymore?
when the distinction is blurred
and reality and the other become intertwined, or at least inseperable
when i think at 4 am of how i should dry up my nights
and how sick i am of life
and how i need to make some changes.. some BIG changes
...yet in the morning i have little recollection of why i thought that
or if what happened really happened...
and when i lay there and can't distinguish him who lays next to me...
is it a dream?
but what about all that yelling?
was it real?
did he fall asleep again too?
when i wake up worried and don't know what's going on... or if the former really has gone on
is it just me?
why is my slumber such a prison?
and when i wake up cursing myself?
why do i wake up thinking i'm doing something wrong... or am i even awake?
the scariest part is the conversations...
when i don't know if they're really spoken
or am i just dreaming them?
and even worse, when i wake up and feel bad for something someone said... and they didn't really say
and the arguments i have in my sleep
... and when i wake up, clouded, and stressed
and i don't know what to do becuase i don't know what i've done
the haunting dreams that seem to transcend my sleep pattern...
and distract from "reality"... a distraction i already have
this is why i'm so tired all the time
my sleep isn't restful... it's work and stress and pain
from the hours of 3-6... and sometimes 2 and 7... rest assured (someone has to)that my mind is being tortured...
when what should we do tonight gets answered by alcohol, everytime, automatically...
first recreational, social.. an activity of sorts... then a pasttime, now just to pass the time
i always wonder if i should pay any attention to my dreams
should i listen
or, how can i not when i don't know where the line is drawn anymore?
when the distinction is blurred
and reality and the other become intertwined, or at least inseperable
when i think at 4 am of how i should dry up my nights
and how sick i am of life
and how i need to make some changes.. some BIG changes
...yet in the morning i have little recollection of why i thought that
or if what happened really happened...
and when i lay there and can't distinguish him who lays next to me...
is it a dream?
but what about all that yelling?
was it real?
did he fall asleep again too?
when i wake up worried and don't know what's going on... or if the former really has gone on
is it just me?
why is my slumber such a prison?
and when i wake up cursing myself?
why do i wake up thinking i'm doing something wrong... or am i even awake?
the scariest part is the conversations...
when i don't know if they're really spoken
or am i just dreaming them?
and even worse, when i wake up and feel bad for something someone said... and they didn't really say
and the arguments i have in my sleep
... and when i wake up, clouded, and stressed
and i don't know what to do becuase i don't know what i've done
the haunting dreams that seem to transcend my sleep pattern...
and distract from "reality"... a distraction i already have
this is why i'm so tired all the time
my sleep isn't restful... it's work and stress and pain
from the hours of 3-6... and sometimes 2 and 7... rest assured (someone has to)that my mind is being tortured...