... i guess i expected more...
ok everyone.. i have this friend.. who pretty much lives a life dangerously similar to mine... and we always find ourselves battling the same struggles simultaneously... however.. he is unquestioningly better at writing out the situation... in a poetic way that lets people know that life's a fight.. but he learns from every battle... he's gonna write my journal today:
I am now choosing to slow down this train, to begin this year becoming more careful who i travel these winding tracks with. I have many people in my life, i feel blessed to consider many of you my friends. I am aware that some people i could be better off without, however. Not to say that i will be on some crusade of cutting friends out of my life, not in the least. I believe that true relationships will begin to shine through, and my fictitious friendships will soon fade.
I always find a way to lose myself completely in a person. I guess that makes me passionate, and i enjoy that about myself. Sometimes that leaves people breathless. However, in the end it often leaves me unable to breathe.
I have decided to no longer search for happiness, only to recognize the beauty in my life already. I am a fortunate kid, and doing just that will keep me occupied for awhile. I have not the need for any more meaningless friendships. I am more than open to meet people, i enjoy that. I am excited to see where his reverie takes me, somewhere good i can assure myself.
When I think of my old friends, I picture them with one toe dabbling in... or maybe not even dabbling, but just looking out over the sea. The sea that I am out on, trying to live. I picture thier faces giving the appearance that they could jump at any time... while the rest of them is being held back by a bunch of well meaning people, including themselves, who think if they jump in and give themselves over to the sea, they'll never be seen again... They may be right...
I am frustrated by my pragmatism, however encouraged at the same time. Logic is a neat thing, in that it can lead you out of the maze it created. But I will say this... Those focused on trying to create their own sense of "being happy" seldom are.
"I want to discover everything. I want to discover…
Why I know what’s right and still do what’s wrong
I want to discover what happiness is
And what value there is in suffering
I want to discover why men go to war
And what they really say deep in their hearts when they pray to God
I want to discover what it is that men and women feel when they say they love"
-Tolstoy(WAR AND PEACE)
I am now choosing to slow down this train, to begin this year becoming more careful who i travel these winding tracks with. I have many people in my life, i feel blessed to consider many of you my friends. I am aware that some people i could be better off without, however. Not to say that i will be on some crusade of cutting friends out of my life, not in the least. I believe that true relationships will begin to shine through, and my fictitious friendships will soon fade.
I always find a way to lose myself completely in a person. I guess that makes me passionate, and i enjoy that about myself. Sometimes that leaves people breathless. However, in the end it often leaves me unable to breathe.
I have decided to no longer search for happiness, only to recognize the beauty in my life already. I am a fortunate kid, and doing just that will keep me occupied for awhile. I have not the need for any more meaningless friendships. I am more than open to meet people, i enjoy that. I am excited to see where his reverie takes me, somewhere good i can assure myself.
When I think of my old friends, I picture them with one toe dabbling in... or maybe not even dabbling, but just looking out over the sea. The sea that I am out on, trying to live. I picture thier faces giving the appearance that they could jump at any time... while the rest of them is being held back by a bunch of well meaning people, including themselves, who think if they jump in and give themselves over to the sea, they'll never be seen again... They may be right...
I am frustrated by my pragmatism, however encouraged at the same time. Logic is a neat thing, in that it can lead you out of the maze it created. But I will say this... Those focused on trying to create their own sense of "being happy" seldom are.
"I want to discover everything. I want to discover…
Why I know what’s right and still do what’s wrong
I want to discover what happiness is
And what value there is in suffering
I want to discover why men go to war
And what they really say deep in their hearts when they pray to God
I want to discover what it is that men and women feel when they say they love"
-Tolstoy(WAR AND PEACE)