001. VIDEO

[aesthetic_ally]

[ And there is a yelp and an almighty splash - someone's just landed in the fountain, and from the looks of it, the device is soaked with the person as well. Bubbles everywhere, a flash of blond hair, before a hand grabs hold of it. The screen is turned towards a wincing, waterlogged Dino Cavallone, who is currently stumbling out of the water and

Comments

1/5

[renegare]

[ You are Hibari Kyouya.

(Sadly, you are not a Homestuck troll.)

(But you are sure they would make you a honourary one, if you asked nicely.)

(Unfortunately, you never learned to ask nice.)

(You also never learned to look nice.)

(Rude, ugly mofo.)

You are up and about, minding your own business, notably not dragging any man's intestines, the single and immediate cause of a scientifically determined 98.16829% of your two (2) tripping experiences.

Then you suddenly, randomly, and inexplicably fall on your face. ]

T - 59 minutes

[renegare]

[ Still minding your own business, which at this time involves the business of a businessman's teeth.

(You are working very hard on your dentist degree.)

(You make a note to invite the baby to the graduation ceremony.)

You are about to deposit the money from your recently acquired fine in your new building (of sorts), when you realize with more horror than your single alloted facial expression can handle that the Namimori replica doesn't look 100% shiny from this angle.

Your world is never whole again. ]

T - 24 minutes

[renegare]

[ You are overcoming your intuition that something is terribly off about today, although you really, really shouldn't, because your Godmode senses are always EXTREME!!!

( Sorry about the copyright, Sasagawa. )

You lean in to indulge in the comforting trill of your delightful, loyal pet bird --

...and it shuns you. ]

T - 8 minutes

[renegare]

[ And this is how you know, it's time to change your phone number before the exasperation war begins.

You know all this bad luck has a source. An unholy origin. A beacon of blonde-haired evil.

You know. ]

T: DOOM TIME | audio

[renegare]

Weapon?

audio;

[aesthetic_ally]

[ Dino squints at the device -- NOT LIKE HE CAN SEE ANYTHING, this being audio and all, and that voice is so insidiously familiar, and Dino forgets about his newly savage pet turtle (that is now the size of a very healthy golden retriever) for a moment. ]

...Kyouya?

audio | 1/2

[renegare]

[ # of times Yamamoto Takeshi has stolen one of his lawful fights: three.

# of times a motherfucking turtle will do the same: . . .

Slowly. Surely. Lethally. ]

I. Intend. To kill. That animal.

[ dummy translation: you have five minutes to quiet it the hell down, old man. ]

audio

[renegare]

[ and the afterthought - ]

Wrinkles are against regulations.

audio

[aesthetic_ally]

Hey, hey, hey -- ! Enzio's a good, well-behaved animal!

And what -- wrinkles?

audio

[renegare]

Then quiet it.

[ pause - think. think. think. this is all going to hell in 1000 different ways; an older Cavallone is all but useless to him. ]

You were not -- supposed. To be like this.

audio

[aesthetic_ally]

[ the response comes a few good minutes later, a huffing cavallone on the line, and obviously it's been a hard battle won. ]

...Supposed to be like what?

audio

[renegare]

Decomposing. The baby wouldn't be this weak in his old age.

[ obviously (you suck, bro.) ]

And he'd ask the right questions.

audio

[aesthetic_ally]

Well, I'm getting to that, aren't I? Where are you, Kyouya? And what is this place?

audio

[renegare]

And the baby would have that information.