Fic Snippet: It Could've Happened Like This...
TITLE: It Could’ve Happened Like This…
AUTHOR: aeryn_b
RATING: R/Mature
WARNINGS: Triggers for Rape and for Suicide
GENRE: Angst with a happy-ish ending
PAIRINGS: Daniel/Vala, Cameron/Vala, Daniel/Vala/Cameron
CHARACTERS: Daniel Jackson, Vala Mal Doran, Cameron Mitchell, (mentions of Landry, Sam, Teal’c)
TIMELINE/SPOILERS: ep10x20 “Unending”
SIZE: 1630 words approximately
SUMMARY: With all the angst in this episode, it could’ve happened like this…
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I really want to preface this with some kind of author’s note or disclaimer or explanation…but maybe I should just let the snippet stand on its own.
It happens too slow. One minute they’re just hanging out, drinking beer and playing darts in his quarters; the next minute Cameron has his hands on her shoulders, backing her up against a wall, his eyes shut tight and his forehead resting on hers. Vala feels the heat between them and she knows she should stop him, she really does, but she doesn’t think she can.
“I can’t stand this, Vala.” Cameron’s eyes are still shut tight. He moves one hand from her shoulder to the wall, the other grazes down her arm. “God, I miss her.” He doesn’t open his eyes, but he moves closer and leaves a kiss near her mouth. “Please, just be her for a moment.”
She doesn’t say a thing. It happens too slow.
******
Daniel catches up to Vala just as she’s walking into their quarters. But something is off tonight.
“Hey, Vala? What’s wrong? Did Mitchell beat you at darts?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing really.”
She’s babbling a little, and keeping her face from him. But he catches her reflection in the window. She’s been crying, and now he’s really worried.
“What happened, Vala?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry. He just, he needed more…we…he needed someone…he needed to have sex…I couldn’t…”
“I’m going to kill him! Vala, get out of the way!”
“Stop. Don’t. He’s finally sleeping. A true sleep, without nightmares. Please don’t.”
“Vala, he raped you! Now I kill him. End of story.”
“Daniel.” She steps back and takes a breath. “It isn’t rape if I didn’t say no, if I…silently consented.”
“But you said no.” Daniel’s quiet, whispering through nearly clenched teeth. “You had to have said no, because you love me and you wouldn’t do that to me.”
“Daniel.” She sinks against the bed, sitting down and hugging her knees to her chest. “I didn’t do this to hurt you. I did it because…god, he’s dying, we all are. This place is a cage and…and…really, what else am I good for?”
He crouches down. Seeing her tears and her brokenness, his blood seems to cool slightly. “Vala.” He tries reaching for her chin to get her to look at him. He’s so much gentler now. He has to get her to understand.
“I’m beyond useless here. I can’t pick any locks to get us out of this time dilation field. I can’t con us out of this damn prison. He needed this…this bit of me. I didn’t go there with sex in mind, but…” She buries her head in her knees. “Damnit, what have I done?”
“Shh, shh…” Tears put out the raging fire, and Daniel’s arms go around her as he tries to quiet her. “Sweetheart, please stop crying. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have accused you like that. I trust you, I do, Vala. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. I should’ve said this a long time ago. I should’ve said this every day. You mean so much to me. So much more than sex. The way you keep us all sane, with the movie nights and activities. Remembering holidays and birthdays.”
Vala sniffs back tears. “And look how much good it’s doing.”
“Don’t say that. The others are adjusting. Sam, Teal’c, General Landry. They’re all a lot less wonko than they would be without you here.” His attempt at levity hits the mark. She laughs a little and sniffs back her tears.
“Vala, look at me please.” She lifts her head slowly and meets his gaze. “I know you only wanted to help him, but ‘morale officer’ isn’t code for…for ‘ship’s whore.’”
Vala winces, but nods.
“I love you. I absolutely adore you and trust you.” He pauses.
“But…” she whispers.
“I wish there didn’t have to be a ‘but’…but please, please, Vala, don’t demean yourself this way. Be strong for us. Mitchell didn’t need you for sex. He needed company probably. Someone to talk to. And maybe…maybe in a way, this will get him to finally open up with all of us. I doubt he’ll wake up tomorrow and be happy with himself. Maybe he’ll finally understand that he needs to stop pushing people away and start letting us in.”
“No.” Vala shakes her head, on the verge of tears again. “He’ll close up even tighter. Or… I didn’t want to make it worse. God, if he…” Suddenly her eyes widen and she looks afraid and worried. “We should stay by his quarters, or warn the others. I don’t want him to-”
Daniel once again calms her. “There, there. If he’s anything like me, he’ll be sleeping this off for at least a few hours.” The words feel tight in his throat as he imagines the two of them together. He keeps a small smile on his face though, knowing Vala doesn’t need any more guilt trips from him. She’s beating herself up enough as it is.
Vala attempts a small smile, tries to accept his quip, tries to let the small bit of humor settle her. “Daniel, I swear I didn’t mean to or plan it. And I swear I didn’t enjoy it. I felt awful for him…I felt…I went back to the place I used to go whenever Qetesh…whenever anyone used my body.” She begs, “Please believe me, Daniel.”
He holds her again. “Ssh. I do, sweetheart, I believe you.”
They stay that way for a while. Her tears eventually stop dampening his shirt, and her breathing evens out into regular inhales and exhales. Finally, Daniel stands up and brings her up as well. He leads her into the bathroom where he turns on the shower and helps her undress. They both need to wash this night out of their lives. Vala steps into the hot spray; he undresses and steps in with her, lathering up some of the good soap that’s slightly more complicated to replicate than the other unscented, basic soaps on file. They just need a clean slate.
******
The next morning, while Vala is still sleeping, Daniel’s knocking on Mitchell’s door. It’s only a courtesy though, since he opens it and steps through anyway.
Hurricane Cameron was here. The mattress is flipped over. The trashcan is overturned with a broken model airplane inside. The shelves are broken and sagging. Books, pillows, and clothes are everywhere. The reading lamp and mirror are shattered in pieces, the latter looking like a fist had slammed into it.
The cause of the destruction is sitting on the edge of the mattress with a pistol in his hand. Daniel can see a sheen of saliva on the barrel, as if Mitchell has actually had it in his mouth, really thinking about it. Daniel brings the trashcan over and sits on it.
“How’s the taste of steel these days?”
“Surprisingly warm.”
Daniel thinks he’s probably been holding it in his hand for hours. “Mind if I hold onto that?”
Cam hands the gun over, handle first. “You want to do the honors?”
Daniel clicks the safety on and disarms it. “Believe me, part of me wants to.” A beat passes. “She doesn’t blame you. She wasn’t hurt.”
“I swear I would’ve stopped. If she’d said ‘no’ or ‘stop’…I swear to God, Daniel, I would’ve stopped.”
“I know.” An exhale. “This place is killing us, all of us. I’m not okay with it, but I know.”
“I can’t…I can’t be here…”
Daniel holds the unarmed gun between them. “Cameron, you do this thing, and it’ll kill us all. It’ll be the domino that destroys us. I’m not gonna tell anyone, but you have to promise me: To not. Do this. Ever.”
Cam looks away.
“I’ll lose Vala for sure. And Sam and Teal’c. Do you understand me?”
Cam can’t quite meet his eyes, but he nods.
Daniel accepts it and nods back. “Okay then. As far as Vala, I don’t know…I, uh…” He tries for something lighthearted. Might help. “I dunno, include me or something.”
Cam finally looks at him and raises an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“Not you and me.” Daniel waves his hands pathetically. “Just you and Vala and me, with her…you know…there. She gets the focus.”
“And that’s not weird? Or worse? I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity. And it’s a lot less awful than you and her sneaking off behind my back because she thinks you need her body and nothing else.” Daniel’s starting to seethe again, but he tries to remind himself that Cam is hurting. He’s being defensive, and as far as his life is concerned, feeling defensive is better than feeling guilty. They stare each other down a little because they both know Daniel’s right, but neither can say it.
Cameron rightly looks away first, backing down.
Daniel shrugs and waits one more beat. “Look, I dunno here. I just realize that this place is all kinds of fucked up. And I’m serious about the gun thing. When you feel like you have to destroy something,” he glances around the room, “or you just have to be alone because this place is suffocating you, come to us. Share the burden, okay?”
Cameron just sits there, staring at the floor, unable or unwilling to respond.
“Stand up.”
Cam looks up while Daniel turns the trashcan over and sets it back in its place in the corner. “Come on. Get up. We gotta put this room back in order.”
He gets up hesitantly and Daniel stands still in front of him, hoping the younger man will take the hint. He does finally. Cameron steps an inch forward and Daniel opens his arms for the hug that his friend needs.
“You’re hurting more than just yourself this way,” Daniel says. “Let us help.”
Cameron nods into Daniel’s shoulder.
Time for letting go.
Time for healing.
[end]
AUTHOR: aeryn_b
RATING: R/Mature
WARNINGS: Triggers for Rape and for Suicide
GENRE: Angst with a happy-ish ending
PAIRINGS: Daniel/Vala, Cameron/Vala, Daniel/Vala/Cameron
CHARACTERS: Daniel Jackson, Vala Mal Doran, Cameron Mitchell, (mentions of Landry, Sam, Teal’c)
TIMELINE/SPOILERS: ep10x20 “Unending”
SIZE: 1630 words approximately
SUMMARY: With all the angst in this episode, it could’ve happened like this…
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I really want to preface this with some kind of author’s note or disclaimer or explanation…but maybe I should just let the snippet stand on its own.
It happens too slow. One minute they’re just hanging out, drinking beer and playing darts in his quarters; the next minute Cameron has his hands on her shoulders, backing her up against a wall, his eyes shut tight and his forehead resting on hers. Vala feels the heat between them and she knows she should stop him, she really does, but she doesn’t think she can.
“I can’t stand this, Vala.” Cameron’s eyes are still shut tight. He moves one hand from her shoulder to the wall, the other grazes down her arm. “God, I miss her.” He doesn’t open his eyes, but he moves closer and leaves a kiss near her mouth. “Please, just be her for a moment.”
She doesn’t say a thing. It happens too slow.
******
Daniel catches up to Vala just as she’s walking into their quarters. But something is off tonight.
“Hey, Vala? What’s wrong? Did Mitchell beat you at darts?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing really.”
She’s babbling a little, and keeping her face from him. But he catches her reflection in the window. She’s been crying, and now he’s really worried.
“What happened, Vala?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry. He just, he needed more…we…he needed someone…he needed to have sex…I couldn’t…”
“I’m going to kill him! Vala, get out of the way!”
“Stop. Don’t. He’s finally sleeping. A true sleep, without nightmares. Please don’t.”
“Vala, he raped you! Now I kill him. End of story.”
“Daniel.” She steps back and takes a breath. “It isn’t rape if I didn’t say no, if I…silently consented.”
“But you said no.” Daniel’s quiet, whispering through nearly clenched teeth. “You had to have said no, because you love me and you wouldn’t do that to me.”
“Daniel.” She sinks against the bed, sitting down and hugging her knees to her chest. “I didn’t do this to hurt you. I did it because…god, he’s dying, we all are. This place is a cage and…and…really, what else am I good for?”
He crouches down. Seeing her tears and her brokenness, his blood seems to cool slightly. “Vala.” He tries reaching for her chin to get her to look at him. He’s so much gentler now. He has to get her to understand.
“I’m beyond useless here. I can’t pick any locks to get us out of this time dilation field. I can’t con us out of this damn prison. He needed this…this bit of me. I didn’t go there with sex in mind, but…” She buries her head in her knees. “Damnit, what have I done?”
“Shh, shh…” Tears put out the raging fire, and Daniel’s arms go around her as he tries to quiet her. “Sweetheart, please stop crying. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have accused you like that. I trust you, I do, Vala. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. I should’ve said this a long time ago. I should’ve said this every day. You mean so much to me. So much more than sex. The way you keep us all sane, with the movie nights and activities. Remembering holidays and birthdays.”
Vala sniffs back tears. “And look how much good it’s doing.”
“Don’t say that. The others are adjusting. Sam, Teal’c, General Landry. They’re all a lot less wonko than they would be without you here.” His attempt at levity hits the mark. She laughs a little and sniffs back her tears.
“Vala, look at me please.” She lifts her head slowly and meets his gaze. “I know you only wanted to help him, but ‘morale officer’ isn’t code for…for ‘ship’s whore.’”
Vala winces, but nods.
“I love you. I absolutely adore you and trust you.” He pauses.
“But…” she whispers.
“I wish there didn’t have to be a ‘but’…but please, please, Vala, don’t demean yourself this way. Be strong for us. Mitchell didn’t need you for sex. He needed company probably. Someone to talk to. And maybe…maybe in a way, this will get him to finally open up with all of us. I doubt he’ll wake up tomorrow and be happy with himself. Maybe he’ll finally understand that he needs to stop pushing people away and start letting us in.”
“No.” Vala shakes her head, on the verge of tears again. “He’ll close up even tighter. Or… I didn’t want to make it worse. God, if he…” Suddenly her eyes widen and she looks afraid and worried. “We should stay by his quarters, or warn the others. I don’t want him to-”
Daniel once again calms her. “There, there. If he’s anything like me, he’ll be sleeping this off for at least a few hours.” The words feel tight in his throat as he imagines the two of them together. He keeps a small smile on his face though, knowing Vala doesn’t need any more guilt trips from him. She’s beating herself up enough as it is.
Vala attempts a small smile, tries to accept his quip, tries to let the small bit of humor settle her. “Daniel, I swear I didn’t mean to or plan it. And I swear I didn’t enjoy it. I felt awful for him…I felt…I went back to the place I used to go whenever Qetesh…whenever anyone used my body.” She begs, “Please believe me, Daniel.”
He holds her again. “Ssh. I do, sweetheart, I believe you.”
They stay that way for a while. Her tears eventually stop dampening his shirt, and her breathing evens out into regular inhales and exhales. Finally, Daniel stands up and brings her up as well. He leads her into the bathroom where he turns on the shower and helps her undress. They both need to wash this night out of their lives. Vala steps into the hot spray; he undresses and steps in with her, lathering up some of the good soap that’s slightly more complicated to replicate than the other unscented, basic soaps on file. They just need a clean slate.
******
The next morning, while Vala is still sleeping, Daniel’s knocking on Mitchell’s door. It’s only a courtesy though, since he opens it and steps through anyway.
Hurricane Cameron was here. The mattress is flipped over. The trashcan is overturned with a broken model airplane inside. The shelves are broken and sagging. Books, pillows, and clothes are everywhere. The reading lamp and mirror are shattered in pieces, the latter looking like a fist had slammed into it.
The cause of the destruction is sitting on the edge of the mattress with a pistol in his hand. Daniel can see a sheen of saliva on the barrel, as if Mitchell has actually had it in his mouth, really thinking about it. Daniel brings the trashcan over and sits on it.
“How’s the taste of steel these days?”
“Surprisingly warm.”
Daniel thinks he’s probably been holding it in his hand for hours. “Mind if I hold onto that?”
Cam hands the gun over, handle first. “You want to do the honors?”
Daniel clicks the safety on and disarms it. “Believe me, part of me wants to.” A beat passes. “She doesn’t blame you. She wasn’t hurt.”
“I swear I would’ve stopped. If she’d said ‘no’ or ‘stop’…I swear to God, Daniel, I would’ve stopped.”
“I know.” An exhale. “This place is killing us, all of us. I’m not okay with it, but I know.”
“I can’t…I can’t be here…”
Daniel holds the unarmed gun between them. “Cameron, you do this thing, and it’ll kill us all. It’ll be the domino that destroys us. I’m not gonna tell anyone, but you have to promise me: To not. Do this. Ever.”
Cam looks away.
“I’ll lose Vala for sure. And Sam and Teal’c. Do you understand me?”
Cam can’t quite meet his eyes, but he nods.
Daniel accepts it and nods back. “Okay then. As far as Vala, I don’t know…I, uh…” He tries for something lighthearted. Might help. “I dunno, include me or something.”
Cam finally looks at him and raises an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“Not you and me.” Daniel waves his hands pathetically. “Just you and Vala and me, with her…you know…there. She gets the focus.”
“And that’s not weird? Or worse? I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity. And it’s a lot less awful than you and her sneaking off behind my back because she thinks you need her body and nothing else.” Daniel’s starting to seethe again, but he tries to remind himself that Cam is hurting. He’s being defensive, and as far as his life is concerned, feeling defensive is better than feeling guilty. They stare each other down a little because they both know Daniel’s right, but neither can say it.
Cameron rightly looks away first, backing down.
Daniel shrugs and waits one more beat. “Look, I dunno here. I just realize that this place is all kinds of fucked up. And I’m serious about the gun thing. When you feel like you have to destroy something,” he glances around the room, “or you just have to be alone because this place is suffocating you, come to us. Share the burden, okay?”
Cameron just sits there, staring at the floor, unable or unwilling to respond.
“Stand up.”
Cam looks up while Daniel turns the trashcan over and sets it back in its place in the corner. “Come on. Get up. We gotta put this room back in order.”
He gets up hesitantly and Daniel stands still in front of him, hoping the younger man will take the hint. He does finally. Cameron steps an inch forward and Daniel opens his arms for the hug that his friend needs.
“You’re hurting more than just yourself this way,” Daniel says. “Let us help.”
Cameron nods into Daniel’s shoulder.
Time for letting go.
Time for healing.
[end]