(no subject)
"People don't know about the things
That I say or do;
They don't understand
The shit that I've been through"
"Only God Knows Why" by Kid Rock
I say this not because I think that nobody else has had to deal with situations like I have this semester--I'm not that arrogant. I readily admit that from most people's perspectives, yeah, I could have it worse. But you know what, I don't think I have yet met a soul on this planet whose morals/principles are as high as mine, at least in regards to the ones they personally live by.
The shame of what I did just over two months ago still overwhelms me. Regardless of what people say, I know that the knowledge of having done such a thing is going to haunt me for the rest of my life, perhaps in my next life as well. Why am I so certain of this? BECAUSE THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF SHIT THAT MATTHEW WALLACE ANDERSON DOES. Some of you on LiveJournal know me better than others. Those of you that know me well probably didn't know what to think when I confessed in this blog because you know how I've felt about that kind of thing. I can't even begin to think of how many times I've said, "I could never do such a thing." ...and yet I did--and not to just anybody, but a woman I honestly, truly, whole-heartedly cared about. A woman that if she ever has children will be a fabulous mother, I know that in my heart I would have been glad to have her as the mother of my children.
I can say that yes, to some small degree I have tried to move on with my life. I've had some great days since then, and I have been blessed with a few dear friends to hold me up as I fight with these demons.
...I really don't know what else to say. I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving.
That I say or do;
They don't understand
The shit that I've been through"
"Only God Knows Why" by Kid Rock
I say this not because I think that nobody else has had to deal with situations like I have this semester--I'm not that arrogant. I readily admit that from most people's perspectives, yeah, I could have it worse. But you know what, I don't think I have yet met a soul on this planet whose morals/principles are as high as mine, at least in regards to the ones they personally live by.
The shame of what I did just over two months ago still overwhelms me. Regardless of what people say, I know that the knowledge of having done such a thing is going to haunt me for the rest of my life, perhaps in my next life as well. Why am I so certain of this? BECAUSE THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF SHIT THAT MATTHEW WALLACE ANDERSON DOES. Some of you on LiveJournal know me better than others. Those of you that know me well probably didn't know what to think when I confessed in this blog because you know how I've felt about that kind of thing. I can't even begin to think of how many times I've said, "I could never do such a thing." ...and yet I did--and not to just anybody, but a woman I honestly, truly, whole-heartedly cared about. A woman that if she ever has children will be a fabulous mother, I know that in my heart I would have been glad to have her as the mother of my children.
I can say that yes, to some small degree I have tried to move on with my life. I've had some great days since then, and I have been blessed with a few dear friends to hold me up as I fight with these demons.
...I really don't know what else to say. I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving.