A New Tar Valon Spring (WOT Fic) - Part 1/2
Author: Aerows
Genre: Wheel of Time
Pairing: Siuan Sanche and Moiraine Damodred
Rating: NC-17
Summary: As Moiraine's power blooms, and pressure on Siuan grows, two women discover who they are on the path to becoming Aes Sedai.
Disclaimer: I do not own Wheel of Time, they belong to TOR, the late Mr. Robert Jordan, and Brandon Sanderson.
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A NEW TAR VALON SPRING
CHAPTER 1
A Long Day
Moiraine barely restrained a sigh of relief that her session with Meilyn Sedai was over, and instead merely smoothed her skirt. It wouldn't due to express anything remotely indicating tiredness, or the White sister would keep her there longer just to push her even harder. Meilyn Sedai had not forgotten Moiraine's hot temper nor the Mistress of Novices instructions to root it out of her.
The tall sister stood, seeming to pause for a minute, scrutinizing her with her startling blue eyes. They were the only thing that was likely ever considered lovely on the woman, as her thrusting chin nearly dominated over her eyes. She loomed over Moiraine, who was still seated, and even standing would have barely come to the woman's bosom. It was not that Meilyn Sedai was extraordinarily tall, it was that Moiraine's Caerhienin frame was both slender and short.
Irritation might have been the response of another woman, but Moiraine Damodred had come to the Tower with an advantage that many women did not have - she grew up in the Sun Palace, and had been schooled since childhood in regality. She merely remained seated, perfectly poised, waiting for Meilyn to back away before she rose. It would not do to be shoved into awkwardness or to back up. Even in Moiraine's most temper driven fits, or near to dropping in exhaustion, she kept her grace. The White sister stared hard at her for a few moments, then turned and walked a few paces toward her desk. Moiraine rose gracefully.
"I expect you to have learned the weaves and be able to recite arithmetic at the same time. Logic will be your guide and you must be able to think on your feet and be able to channel nearly on instinct." Meilyn admonished her. This time, Moiraine nearly groaned, but she was able to mask it by clearing her throat.
Arithmetic was far from her favorite subject. Siuan could do strings of sums with barely a glance, and have the right answer before Moiraine had finished the first column. Moiraine would arrive at the right answer, it merely took her much longer. It would have pierced her dignity had other sisters not remarked that her blue-eyed friend had an uncanny ability for mathematics. Siuan had tried to explain how she did it, and had certainly helped Moiraine become much quicker at it - Moiraine was considered the best student at it after Siuan - but Moiraine would never even come close to matching Siuan. Not that she wanted to study arithmetic enough to do so, or any further than was necessary. Siuan didn't seem to particularly care about going much further in it, either, despite her extraordinary ability at the subject.
As she was collecting her things, Meilyn suddenly said, "Moiraine, how is Siuan doing with her lessons in the weaves with Elaida? I know the two of you are friends, and she has a fine mind for logic. I hope she is living up to her potential, as you are." Moiraine hoped she wasn't blushing from the compliment, because coming from Meilyn a simple statement that she was at least doing as well as expected was a compliment indeed. Moiraine's dark eyes flitted to the gray haired sister's blue eyes, and something about their intensity tipped her that there was more to this question than an attempt to compliment her.
Elaida pushed Siuan mercilessly, and Siuan had a penance no less than once a week for some infraction that she had committed during her lessons with the newly-raised Red sister. Compared to Elaida, even Meilyn's relentless pushing and often seemingly pointless lectures were mild, in Moiraine's opinion. Siuan was incredibly stubborn, though, and determined to endure whatever was necessary to become Aes Sedai. Moiraine admired her friend for her tenacity, though occasionally she wondered if she would receive news that Siuan had managed to kill Elaida. It was a testament to Siuan's inner strength that she hadn't. Moiraine herself had entertained that thought, she admitted to herself privately.
Still, it would not due to imply to a Sister that Siuan had difficulties with Elaida. Siuan would never want that admitted, and Moiraine wouldn't break that confidence. "She is doing well, Meilyn Sedai, and in my opinion she grows stronger and wiser each day." Her voice was like cool air floating through chimes, but she could not keep a hint of pride out of her voice. She was proud of her Siuan. Her Siuan. Interesting.
She thought of a question that had been plaguing her. She had read of it in the Library, and she had considered which sister to ask it of, however of all of them, it was a question of cold logic. It would be Meilyn she asked it of. “Meilyn Sedai, if I might as a question, it deviates from study, but I am puzzled by it.”
Meilyn unconsciously smiled; the Accepted had flawless logic, and shrewd grasp of which questions to ask. If anything, she had thought Moiraine's mind more suited for the Gray, with her grasp of politics, or the Yellow with her grasp of Healing. Uninitiated questioning showed a tendency to a girl's Ajah. It would please Meilyn very much to have one who came to her hall uninterested flower into a White. If any should, she thought, it would be Siuan. Moiraine's interest could be an extension of the other girl's interest, too. She smiled to herself; both had fine minds for logic, and great potential.
“Certainly, Accepted, in these halls, questions are valued. We strive for answers.” Meilyn's blue eyes never shifted from the stack of papers on her desk. She waited impassively as she flipped to the pages into files. She waited for Moiraine to speak.
“Meilyn Sedai, I would know, that if one who can channel could be turned from the light by thirteen Dreadlords and thirteen Myrdraal, if a woman could be turned to the light by thirteen Aes Sedai and thirteen Warders?”
Meilyn made only the sound of bumping into her desk, and knocking three tomes off of it. She did not notice. “Where did you get this information about turning women away from the Light, child!” There was sharpness in her voice.
Moiraine kept her face smooth. She was in company as wary as any in Caerhienin; she had been mildly curious, and wanted to know if the Black Ajah existed after the rumors. She had thought it a logical assumption, but more importantly, the sister's outrage spoke that the Black Ajah did exist. Moiraine Demodred filed shock away as yet another victory. She canted her head minutely, feigning an intimidation that she did not feel. “I read some things in the Library of the Sun Palace, Meilyn Sedai. They were fiction and fancies, but I wanted to know if they were truth.” She bowed her head to stare at her fingers for a moment, then surged her eyes upward. She hoped they seemed shy to meet the clear, cold logic of the Aes Sedai before her.
Meilyn Sedai held a face that stone would envy for it's lack of movement. Her blue eyes darted over the slim form, and knew in her heart that this woman would be Aes Sedai. She was too powerful not to be, and too perceptive by half. She modulated her answers. “Logic states that we must have concrete evidence, Accepted. More, as Aes Sedai you must exercise restraint in your beliefs, and remain able to assess all situations logically. Some things are not spoken of, though, simply because we are already dangerous with who we are and what we know.”
Meilyn Sedai firmed her upper lip. The Accepted's eyes had not wavered, nor had they displayed even the slightest hint of emotion. The child could be a White today with her ability to coolly assess any situation without deviating.
“You must refrain from mentioning what you read and use your discipline, Accepted.” She willed her voice to be sharp, that it would get this young woman that she cared very much for to obey. “The White Tower will not be broken from without, nor will it be broken from within.” She declared it with a stern tone.
Moiraine allowed a chastened twitch of her lips to intimate that she understood. She understood that no one wanted to be involved. Still, it wasn't her place to challenge an Aes Sedai, not right now. “I will desist, immediately, Meilyn Sedai.”
Meilyn Sedai eyed her and abruptly turned away. "Well, that is good news, child, see that you do. You are dismissed." Moiraine might have thought the brusqueness of her dismissal odd, but she was still mulling her thoughts about the blue-eyed Accepted. The thoughts stayed with her as she went to her quarters, nodding to one person or another, but lost deeply in thought.
When had she began thinking of the tall, charismatic Accepted in such possessive terms? They did spend nearly every moment together when possible, studying, laughing and as Novices had rarely visited the Mistress of Novices separately. Except for the penances she incurred during lessons with Elaida, that trend had continued as Accepted. Perhaps the possessiveness stemmed from the fact that Siuan was the first true friend Moiraine had ever really had. Growing up in the palace, there were many that cultivated friendship with Moiraine Damodred, the niece of King Laman, but none that wanted the friendship of just Moiraine. That was an important distinction, and one for which she would always be grateful. The daughter of a Tairen fisherman, Siuan had in the beginning sought to tease her about it, and still on occasion needled her about it, but it was difficult to think another a noble when they were as deep in their elbows doing dishes and scrubbing pots as you were.
Yes, Siuan was her best friend, and she supposed that it was not strange at all to feel a bit of possessiveness and protectiveness toward her. Settling that in her mind, Moiraine continued to her quarters, beginning to think of her next lesson. She, too, had a lesson with Elaida, after her session with Yuan, and she was not looking forward to it. With the door closed, she did sigh, thinking of the haughty, demanding Red sister. It would be a long day.
* * *
CHAPTER 2
A Flash of Insight
Siuan was fit to be tied, an irony not lost on her considering that was how she had spent the last hour. Elaida had wrapped her in flows of air the moment she had entered her study, and she had not been able to move a muscle for the entire time. She had been grilled on everything from the flows, to etiquette, down to even her relationships with Novices and other Accepted. Had she not known better, she would have thought Elaida was fishing for something. In fact, now that she thought on it, she was certain of it. One day, she thought to herself, you are going to catch a lionfish when you thought you were netting minnows, Elaida.
Elaida had offered no explanation as to what she was looking for, and each question had been pulled as though from random, trying to keep her off-balance. If she took too long in answering, Elaida switched her with Air and accused her of attempting to dissemble. How the woman expected her to change subjects like oars in a calm to knots in a storm, she had no idea. She wondered if being raised to the Shawl had unhinged the woman.
She snorted loudly to herself, startling a Novice so badly as she stalked through the hallway that the young woman dropped the tray she was carrying. Elaida had always been as mean as a silverpike with a bent fin. The clatter of the tray brought her from her reverie. The Novice looked mortified that she had dropped the tray, and seemed worried that Siuan would punish her. As Accepted, Siuan certainly out-ranked a Novice, but glancing at the tears beginning to flow from the eyes of the very young, and obviously new Novice, pity flared in her. Just because Elaida had put the scowl on her face was no reason to frighten a Novice. She smoothed her face and approached the Novice.
"There's no call for tears, girl. If you fall out of the boat, the only thing to do is get right back in. I'm Siuan, what's your name?" The short, stocky girl replied in a shaky voice, "Setsuko, Accepted. I'm sorry I splashed your dress, I'll clean it up right away." Siuan looked down, not even having noticed that tea was splashed all over her white Accepted's dress. Setsuko looked terrified and unsure what to do.
Siuan, having been sent for tea herself more times than she could count, gruffly inquired who the tea had been for. "Sierin Sedai, Accepted." In reminder, the stocky girl fairly quivered. Thinking of the hard-eyed Gray sister, Siuan could sympathize with the girl's reaction. The elder sister was a harsh disciplinarian, and had shocked many when she chose the Gray instead of the Red. Siuan herself had been late with tea for the pinch-faced sister, and had received a lash for every minute she had been late. Thankfully she had only been two minutes late; Sierin had a very strong arm and wasn't afraid to use it.
"Go back to the kitchen and get another pot of tea; I have a moment, and I'll take care of this mess." The Novice looked incredibly grateful and hurried off to the kitchen as though her dress was on fire. Siuan thought it just might be after she got back to Sierin, but at least it wouldn't be as bad as if she had taken the time to clean up the mess, nor as bad as it might have turned out had she left the mess in the hall to serve Sierin Sedai.
It seemed to Siuan that it was wrong for anyone to put a Novice in such a position; forcing the poor girl to choose between the larger transgression of leaving a mess in the hall that could cause someone to slip due to negligence, or be late with tea and be switched. She understood that making excuses could lead to lax discipline, but everyone, even Aes Sedai, made mistakes and had accidents on occasion. It was impossible to avoid it and still be human. As she knelt to lift the tray and right the silver pot, a harsh bark of laughter sounded behind her.
"Ever the heroine, ready to save the day, aren't you Siuan? Some days I think you'd prefer to be a Warder than an Aes Sedai." The harsh voice of Elaida sounded behind her. How did the woman always appear at the worst of times? "You are an Accepted, and should leave a Novice to learn from her own mistakes, not clean up after them. Since you insist on doing so, however, you can finish cleaning that up and then visit the kitchens every night this week since you enjoy it so." Siuan's face flushed in anger, but she calmly continued picking up the tray. How she controlled the rage she felt inside was a mystery, but she had made a decision to help the young Novice and she would face the consequences of it. "I'll see to that Novice, as well. What was her name, child?"
Resigned, Siuan decided not to make things worse. Poor Setsuko. She opened her mouth to answer but was forestalled by the approach of another sister. The White sister, Meilyn was the logic and arithmetic teacher who had been teaching Moiraine the first ten weaves. While she was a stern taskmaster and didn't tolerate failure, she had always been fair in Siuan's opinion. Moiraine despised arithmetic, she knew, but she never complained about lessons with Meilyn.
"Elaida, Siuan won't be available for kitchen duty. I am assigning her to some students. As for the novice she was just speaking with, she is behind on her studies. These children are here to learn to be Aes Sedai, not to be trained as scullery maids." Meilyn's tone brooked no argument, and though she drew herself up haughtily, Elaida relented.
Malice glittered in her dark eyes, and the look Siuan received nearly took the breath out of her, but Elaida merely replied "Well I hope this girl is sufficient at it. I'll expect to hear that this Novice becomes much better at mathematics if that is how she will be spending her evenings." It was said with an air that Siuan had better make certain and that she would suffer if the Novice did not suddenly become a superior student. She glided away, her scarlet dress rippling, giving every impression of a menacing, blood red swan.
Siuan had the tray in her hands and turned to retrieve a linen to mop up the mess, but Meilyn channeled and in an instant the floor was dry, and the tea was safely back in the silver pot. She caught a clerk that was passing by, and ordered Siuan to pass it to the obviously insulted clerk. Meilyn being who she was, however, was promptly obeyed and the clerk headed away in the direction of the kitchen. "Change your dress and get cleaned up, then come to my office Siuan." Meilyn ordered.
"Yes, Meilyn Sedai." Siuan said with a curtsy, uncertain whether she should be relieved at being spared a week in the kitchens or cursing herself for getting caught up in spending time tutoring Novices. She didn't mind it, and genuinely enjoyed helping others to learn, but she also had plenty of work to do herself. The last thing that she needed to do was allow herself to slack and give Elaida more opportunity to harass her. She barely was in the door to her quarters, and throwing her shift and the stained dress over her head before a knock sounded at her door.
A genuine thrill of fear went through her; certainly it wouldn't be Elaida come to berate her. Fear wasn't an emotion Siuan was accustomed to, but Elaida had been purely murderous at Siuan getting out of the penance she had imposed. If the boat takes on water, best to start bailing before it sinks, she thought.
"Come." She said hurriedly, facing the door, waiting for the dressing down she was certain would come from Elaida. Instead, a short dark head ducked in and turned to greet her. The dark eyes sparkled with mischief, then delicate eyebrows arched over them. Moiraine ran her eyes down her body, and for just an instant, a chill passed through Siuan. With a start she realized that she stood there naked except for her small clothes. Moiraine's eyes toured her body upwards to her face in a way that was almost unhurried.
Blushing, she approached the door that was still in Moiraine's hands and closed it. She passed close enough that she could swear she felt the petite woman's breath caress her naked breast. Her face was flaming red, and it was impossible to say if it was irritation, embarrassment or any of the other emotions that were dragging her back to the present. Moiraine's presence, and the look she gave her was like being plunged into icy water after a very hot bath. Or maybe it was the other way around.
"Expecting someone, Siuan?" Moiraine's voice was laced with amusement, and while the Cairheinen woman was as regal and reserved as any queen in public, she continued to let her gaze flicker over Siuan before settling it on her face. When Siuan turned to gather another dress to cover herself, Moiraine gasped. Bruises were forming on Siuan's back, along with welts. Moiraine stopped her with a cool, soft hand on her shoulder. Siuan stopped as though frozen. She and Moiraine had gone to the baths together and seen each other in various states of undress, but this was somehow...different. The cool air puckered her nipples, and Moiraine's hand on her naked torso, even just her shoulder, was affecting her.
"Siuan, what happened to your back? Did you get into trouble again?" The high, soft chimes of Moiraine's voice echoed concern. The hand lightly stroked her back, and Siuan belatedly remembered the blows she had received from Elaida for not answering quickly enough. Even the soft touch made her gasp in pain. Just as suddenly, Siuan felt as though she had been plunged into icy water, and her gasp shifted even louder. She spun to face Moiraine, shocked at being Delved then immediately Healed. Moiraine had barely moved her hands away, otherwise Siuan's entire bosom would have been heaving in her hands. As it was, it was close enough to heaving in the shorter woman's face.
Moiraine's face was laced with shock. It was forbidden for Accepted to channel, and doubly so to Heal. Healing could be as dangerous to the patient as to the Aes Sedai if done incorrectly. The shock on her face, however, and the way her dark eyes met blue ones told Siuan that Moiraine had not intended to do that. Siuan had heard it happened like that on occasion, and Moiraine had been studying Healing since she arrived at the tower. Moiraine had privately confided in Siuan that she did not want to become a Yellow, nearly certain when would become either Blue or Gray, but her aptitude with Healing was easily enough that she was continuously courted by Yellow sisters, hoping that she would join their Ajah. "Siuan are you alright?" Seeing that pale, beautiful face, painted with fear and those dark eyes glittering with tears caused a surge of tenderness to go through Siuan.
She pulled Moiraine to her hugging her close. She was surprised to feel tears in her own eyes. So much pressure, so many ways to break the rules and do the wrong things. Now the most precious person she knew was afraid that she had harmed her. Siuan couldn't bear to have Moiraine of all people think she was mad at her. "It's alright Moiraine. It's alright." She smoothed the dark hair that was never mussed, so glossy and impossibly fine. She felt tears on her chest, and Moiraine's warm breath. It abruptly reminded her that she was nearly naked, but something about those small hands on her back, and the petite, gentle curves pressed into her would not allow her to let go. Elaida's words flashed in her mind, "Sometimes I think you would prefer to be a Warder than an Aes Sedai", and it occurred to Siuan what she had implied. Her nipples tightened even further at the thought, and there was a distinct wetness in her small clothes. She had to get away from Moiraine before she did something they both would regret.
Abruptly she released her and turned around, back facing her friend. Moiraine's voice was painted with concern and once again she felt the small hand on her back. It was warm now, warmed on Siuan's own flesh. Siuan tried not to think about that and rushed to her wardrobe, practically hurling a shift on and getting her white Accepted's dress on. Moiraine looked puzzled, and not a little bit hurt, but Siuan's body was burning.
She had to go. She had to be in Meilyn's office. She had to be away from this inferno racing through her body. "I'm sorry, Moiraine but I have to go meet Meilyn. I'll tell you about it later." At least she was clothed this time, and didn't feel quite so exposed to the searching dark eyes that missed nothing, and were quite unreadable just now. Siuan stopped for a moment and brushed a tear from Moiraine's cheek with her knuckles. The skin was as smooth and porcelain as Siuan knew it would be. She did her best to offer Moiraine a smile, and reassure her. "It will all be okay, Moiraine. I promise you."
For one that had an appearance of such a petite, fragile doll, Moiraine was as resilient as steel. She gripped the wrist of the hand to her cheek and smiled at Siuan. This wasn't the reserved smile of a Caerhienin noble. This was the full, glorious smile of a beautiful woman. Siuan could not help but return it, and they both laughed both in relief and in joy. Even as she went to Meilyn's office to see how much trouble she was in now, a grin escaped onto Siuan's face.
The smile on Moiraine's face had lit her with joy, and Moiraine's healing must have also removed her fatigue. Her step was lighter than it had been in days, and her stomach was growling. Perhaps she had needed relief from pain more than she thought, and that was the cause of her reaction of arousal. Her body still burned thinking of that smile and the warm breath on her chest. Her own reaction to her hands on the gentle curves of the Cairhienen's body, however, told her that it was more than just Healing of her body. Moiraine's smile had a way of Healing her heart and her soul.
That was an insight she was going to have to deal with, but for now, she allowed herself to enjoy a moment of peace and joy.
* * *
CHAPTER 3
A Little Rest
Moiraine left Siuan's quarters in a daze, feeling a weakness that she knew came from Healing. She hadn't expected to do that, but the pain in Siuan's body had been palpable. That, and the utter shock of Siuan standing there in nothing but her small clothes. Siuan had been facing her, with the rosy tips of her full breasts peeping at her. Siuan had a fuller, more womanly body than she herself had; the Tairen was all feminine curves mixed with wiry muscles. Moiraine couldn't stop herself from looking. She had wanted to look. She had found herself wanting to touch. That was a most unexpected development.
Perhaps it was not completely unexpected that it was another woman that she was attracted to; it was more of an unexpected development that it would be Siuan who induced such longings. Right after Moiraine's sixteenth birthday and a week before she was leaving for Tar Valon, she attended the Feast of Lights. Normally restrained Caerhienin became much less restrained and it was a time of dancing and wild abandon. Even Moiraine became less reserved that year, and a pretty noblewoman had tried to lure Moiraine to her bed. Moiraine had kissed her several times that night, and allowed her body to be touched, but she did not go to Nelody's bed. It was too rushed for Moiraine's taste, despite how impetuous she cold be.
Certainly Moiraine was aware of other girls in the Tower that were "close", but Moiraine hadn't considered finding a “close” friend of her own. She had come to the Tower driven to learn, and Siuan was just as driven. While they were as close as any friends, they were too busy making mischief, studying or doing penances to have even many moments for rest, let alone other types of recreation. They were driven hard because of their abilities, and the two of them drove themselves just as hard. Moiraine couldn't deny it though; in that one instant when she walked in to see her Siuan, standing there in her womanhood, Moiraine's body had reacted and swiftly. She had nearly lost her reserve when Siuan approached the door. She was so close Moiraine could smell her scent.
When Moiraine saw the welts on her back, she had melted. Surrendered to the emotion of concern and yes, she admitted, love, for the proud Tairen with the kind heart, strong will and the courage of a lion. Her Siuan was in pain, and exhausted. It had flown out of her in a rush, and for a moment she Knew Siuan's body, the places where she ached, and the places where she needed relief. She couldn't have stopped herself. Moiraine also discovered that Siuan was in need of a different kind of relief, the sort of relief she herself now needed. Siuan was aroused. She wondered if that was because of her, or because of someone or something else. Then she feared that she had done something in her healing to transfer her own arousal to Siuan, or that she had harmed her. She would end her own life before she would intentionally harmed her Siuan.
There it was again. Her Siuan. She arrived at her quarters and rested herself on her bed. It was entirely inappropriate in her view, to lie in a bed in the broad of the day, but she was tired. Her body was also protesting in a way that said she would be worthless to concentrate on anything else until she was able to right herself. Meditating was out of the question; behind her closed eyes she saw that beautiful smile, those kind, sparkling blue eyes, and felt the warm, naked flesh beneath her hands. She imagined her hands touching those beautiful breasts, even taking them into her mouth. Arousal bloomed in her to the point of pain. She imagined Siuan's strong, sure hands, soft on her body, caressing her everywhere. Siuan's mouth on her own breasts. She touched herself as she imagined Siuan would.
When she slid her fingers into her small clothes, she imagined they were Siuan's hands. A mere touch had her swelling and soaked, aching for release. Rarely did she do this, but the urgency was too great to deny. As she caressed her own folds, she imagined, quite scandalously, that Siuan's beautiful mouth and tongue were pleasuring her. At the thought of Siuan's tongue caressing her, and her fingers entering her, Moiraine exploded. She may have cried out Siuan's name. She felt tears on her face, the pleasure had been so intense. She removed her hands and allowed herself to recover. She fell asleep, jerking awake at the knock on her door.
She quickly arose, washing her hands in the basin, hoping the scent would not carry. "Enter," she said, and shame crept into her cheeks when it was Yuan Sedai that entered. The slim Yellow sister with large gray eyes looked angry that she had to come looking for her student. It was a measure of how well Moiraine had performed at her lessons that the Aes Sedai had even bothered to find her; many other Aes Sedai would have sent for the Mistress of Novices to find her. She had slept through part of her lesson! She struggled for her reserve, and deeply curtsied. As she did, weakness in her knees caused her to stagger. Before she could hit the floor, the slim Yellow caught her by her arm and moved her to the bed.
"Child, what is the matter?" Yuan was delving her as she spoke and Moiraine silently hoped that what she had been doing earlier wasn't obvious. She would tell Yuan about healing Siuan, it was certainly necessary to be honest with her teacher, but the other was her own business. She spoke, attempting to struggle to sitting. The Yellow nearly prevented it but relented to let her sit on the edge of the bed.
"My apologies, Yuan Sedai, for missing my lesson. You will be angry with me." She spoke quietly, her voice still cool chimes, and more steady than she thought it would be. "You may wish to discontinue instructing me." Moiraine's dark eyes were troubled. She knew that what she had done was dangerous, and was frightened that she could not control herself. What if she accidentally healed someone at the wrong time and harmed them? A thousand consequences for her action raced through her mind, but for a moment, Moiraine thought what Siuan would do. Siuan would face it directly, and accept what came. Moiraine knew she could do no less.
The sister's gray eyes, sparkled, "Child, I'm not going to stop instructing you because you were late for a lesson! Discipline is certainly necessary, but not to the point where Accepted are dropping of exhaustion." She sat down on the bed next to Moiraine and put a kindly hand to her shoulder. Merean Sedai, the Mistress of Novices may have been where many initiates went to confide or when troubled, but Yuan was kind in a straight-forward way that Moiraine genuinely appreciated. It was a natural warmth that flowed from her.
"I fear I've done something worse. I Healed another Accepted of discipline she had received." She had tried to keep her voice even, but with the soft gray eyes looking at her in sympathy, she broke. Tears streamed from her dark eyes. Crying in front of others was something Moiraine simply did not do, and here in the space of a day she had broken first in front of Siuan and now here in front of Yuan Sedai. Perhaps she didn't have the strength to be Aes Sedai, after all. "It wasn't something I intended to do, it just happened. What if I had harmed her?" At that, the tears rushed out. She expected Yuan Sedai to head straight for the door for the Mistress of the Novices. She didn't expect the slender woman to pull her into a hug.
"It's alright, child. It's hardly the first time that has ever happened, and honestly, I may have been moving too slow with you. The Accepted you healed, I'm going to guess it was Siuan Sanche, was it not?" Moiraine moved from her embrace and glanced at the gray-eyed sister in shock.
"How did you know?" The look of surprise on Moiraine's face must have been quite a shock, but not as shocking as the rich laughter that pealed from the Yellow sister.
"The first time that many women learning the Art do a complete Healing, it is usually someone that they care deeply for. Siuan is, of course, someone that you are close to, and I am not surprised that she is the recipient of your healing. Was there some, she appeared to search for the right word, emotional moment that coincided with this Healing?" The way she chose her words made Moiraine decide that she really didn't want to know how much the Yellow knew. Kindly as Yuan may be, Moiraine was Caerhienin to her toenails and one simply did not discuss certain things. She merely said, "Yes, Aes Sedai."
"Well, you are certainly alright, but I am not going to remove your weariness right now. You and Siuan are both going to eat three times this evening to counteract the effects of the Healing, and you will be taking the rest of the day off from studies. I will see to it that the Mistress of Novices is informed." Moiraine was shocked that not only was she not getting put out of the Tower, she was taking the rest of the day off! "Do not assume that you are being rewarded, Accepted," an iron determination crept into the tone of Yuan Sedai, and Moiraine waited, knowing that her punishment was then coming. "I have obviously not been pushing you to your full potential and in the coming weeks, you will begin Healing in earnest. You clearly have a greater aptitude than I suspected, and you will fulfill it!" It was spoken like an oath, and Moiraine knew that she would, indeed be pushed.
Yuan got up to leave, but before she did, she turned to Moiraine. "Do you happen to know what Siuan was disciplined for, child?" Moiraine looked up. The calm, casual way that Yuan asked told one who had been raised with Daes Dae'mar in her cradle that it was not a casual question at all. Revealing nothing in her tone that she knew the question was anything more than casual, she merely stated, "No, Yuan Sedai, she was in a rush to go to Meilyn's study, so I am not certain. She had come to her quarters to change her clothes and then left again." Moiraine suspected it was Elaida, but it was better for the Yellow sister to find out for herself without Moiraine's assumptions clouding things. The slender
sister nodded thoughtfully, and admonished her to rest until someone came for her. When the door was closed, Moiraine sighed, grateful that if nothing else, she would get a little rest. Her eyes closed and she was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
(Part 2)
Genre: Wheel of Time
Pairing: Siuan Sanche and Moiraine Damodred
Rating: NC-17
Summary: As Moiraine's power blooms, and pressure on Siuan grows, two women discover who they are on the path to becoming Aes Sedai.
Disclaimer: I do not own Wheel of Time, they belong to TOR, the late Mr. Robert Jordan, and Brandon Sanderson.
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A NEW TAR VALON SPRING
CHAPTER 1
A Long Day
Moiraine barely restrained a sigh of relief that her session with Meilyn Sedai was over, and instead merely smoothed her skirt. It wouldn't due to express anything remotely indicating tiredness, or the White sister would keep her there longer just to push her even harder. Meilyn Sedai had not forgotten Moiraine's hot temper nor the Mistress of Novices instructions to root it out of her.
The tall sister stood, seeming to pause for a minute, scrutinizing her with her startling blue eyes. They were the only thing that was likely ever considered lovely on the woman, as her thrusting chin nearly dominated over her eyes. She loomed over Moiraine, who was still seated, and even standing would have barely come to the woman's bosom. It was not that Meilyn Sedai was extraordinarily tall, it was that Moiraine's Caerhienin frame was both slender and short.
Irritation might have been the response of another woman, but Moiraine Damodred had come to the Tower with an advantage that many women did not have - she grew up in the Sun Palace, and had been schooled since childhood in regality. She merely remained seated, perfectly poised, waiting for Meilyn to back away before she rose. It would not do to be shoved into awkwardness or to back up. Even in Moiraine's most temper driven fits, or near to dropping in exhaustion, she kept her grace. The White sister stared hard at her for a few moments, then turned and walked a few paces toward her desk. Moiraine rose gracefully.
"I expect you to have learned the weaves and be able to recite arithmetic at the same time. Logic will be your guide and you must be able to think on your feet and be able to channel nearly on instinct." Meilyn admonished her. This time, Moiraine nearly groaned, but she was able to mask it by clearing her throat.
Arithmetic was far from her favorite subject. Siuan could do strings of sums with barely a glance, and have the right answer before Moiraine had finished the first column. Moiraine would arrive at the right answer, it merely took her much longer. It would have pierced her dignity had other sisters not remarked that her blue-eyed friend had an uncanny ability for mathematics. Siuan had tried to explain how she did it, and had certainly helped Moiraine become much quicker at it - Moiraine was considered the best student at it after Siuan - but Moiraine would never even come close to matching Siuan. Not that she wanted to study arithmetic enough to do so, or any further than was necessary. Siuan didn't seem to particularly care about going much further in it, either, despite her extraordinary ability at the subject.
As she was collecting her things, Meilyn suddenly said, "Moiraine, how is Siuan doing with her lessons in the weaves with Elaida? I know the two of you are friends, and she has a fine mind for logic. I hope she is living up to her potential, as you are." Moiraine hoped she wasn't blushing from the compliment, because coming from Meilyn a simple statement that she was at least doing as well as expected was a compliment indeed. Moiraine's dark eyes flitted to the gray haired sister's blue eyes, and something about their intensity tipped her that there was more to this question than an attempt to compliment her.
Elaida pushed Siuan mercilessly, and Siuan had a penance no less than once a week for some infraction that she had committed during her lessons with the newly-raised Red sister. Compared to Elaida, even Meilyn's relentless pushing and often seemingly pointless lectures were mild, in Moiraine's opinion. Siuan was incredibly stubborn, though, and determined to endure whatever was necessary to become Aes Sedai. Moiraine admired her friend for her tenacity, though occasionally she wondered if she would receive news that Siuan had managed to kill Elaida. It was a testament to Siuan's inner strength that she hadn't. Moiraine herself had entertained that thought, she admitted to herself privately.
Still, it would not due to imply to a Sister that Siuan had difficulties with Elaida. Siuan would never want that admitted, and Moiraine wouldn't break that confidence. "She is doing well, Meilyn Sedai, and in my opinion she grows stronger and wiser each day." Her voice was like cool air floating through chimes, but she could not keep a hint of pride out of her voice. She was proud of her Siuan. Her Siuan. Interesting.
She thought of a question that had been plaguing her. She had read of it in the Library, and she had considered which sister to ask it of, however of all of them, it was a question of cold logic. It would be Meilyn she asked it of. “Meilyn Sedai, if I might as a question, it deviates from study, but I am puzzled by it.”
Meilyn unconsciously smiled; the Accepted had flawless logic, and shrewd grasp of which questions to ask. If anything, she had thought Moiraine's mind more suited for the Gray, with her grasp of politics, or the Yellow with her grasp of Healing. Uninitiated questioning showed a tendency to a girl's Ajah. It would please Meilyn very much to have one who came to her hall uninterested flower into a White. If any should, she thought, it would be Siuan. Moiraine's interest could be an extension of the other girl's interest, too. She smiled to herself; both had fine minds for logic, and great potential.
“Certainly, Accepted, in these halls, questions are valued. We strive for answers.” Meilyn's blue eyes never shifted from the stack of papers on her desk. She waited impassively as she flipped to the pages into files. She waited for Moiraine to speak.
“Meilyn Sedai, I would know, that if one who can channel could be turned from the light by thirteen Dreadlords and thirteen Myrdraal, if a woman could be turned to the light by thirteen Aes Sedai and thirteen Warders?”
Meilyn made only the sound of bumping into her desk, and knocking three tomes off of it. She did not notice. “Where did you get this information about turning women away from the Light, child!” There was sharpness in her voice.
Moiraine kept her face smooth. She was in company as wary as any in Caerhienin; she had been mildly curious, and wanted to know if the Black Ajah existed after the rumors. She had thought it a logical assumption, but more importantly, the sister's outrage spoke that the Black Ajah did exist. Moiraine Demodred filed shock away as yet another victory. She canted her head minutely, feigning an intimidation that she did not feel. “I read some things in the Library of the Sun Palace, Meilyn Sedai. They were fiction and fancies, but I wanted to know if they were truth.” She bowed her head to stare at her fingers for a moment, then surged her eyes upward. She hoped they seemed shy to meet the clear, cold logic of the Aes Sedai before her.
Meilyn Sedai held a face that stone would envy for it's lack of movement. Her blue eyes darted over the slim form, and knew in her heart that this woman would be Aes Sedai. She was too powerful not to be, and too perceptive by half. She modulated her answers. “Logic states that we must have concrete evidence, Accepted. More, as Aes Sedai you must exercise restraint in your beliefs, and remain able to assess all situations logically. Some things are not spoken of, though, simply because we are already dangerous with who we are and what we know.”
Meilyn Sedai firmed her upper lip. The Accepted's eyes had not wavered, nor had they displayed even the slightest hint of emotion. The child could be a White today with her ability to coolly assess any situation without deviating.
“You must refrain from mentioning what you read and use your discipline, Accepted.” She willed her voice to be sharp, that it would get this young woman that she cared very much for to obey. “The White Tower will not be broken from without, nor will it be broken from within.” She declared it with a stern tone.
Moiraine allowed a chastened twitch of her lips to intimate that she understood. She understood that no one wanted to be involved. Still, it wasn't her place to challenge an Aes Sedai, not right now. “I will desist, immediately, Meilyn Sedai.”
Meilyn Sedai eyed her and abruptly turned away. "Well, that is good news, child, see that you do. You are dismissed." Moiraine might have thought the brusqueness of her dismissal odd, but she was still mulling her thoughts about the blue-eyed Accepted. The thoughts stayed with her as she went to her quarters, nodding to one person or another, but lost deeply in thought.
When had she began thinking of the tall, charismatic Accepted in such possessive terms? They did spend nearly every moment together when possible, studying, laughing and as Novices had rarely visited the Mistress of Novices separately. Except for the penances she incurred during lessons with Elaida, that trend had continued as Accepted. Perhaps the possessiveness stemmed from the fact that Siuan was the first true friend Moiraine had ever really had. Growing up in the palace, there were many that cultivated friendship with Moiraine Damodred, the niece of King Laman, but none that wanted the friendship of just Moiraine. That was an important distinction, and one for which she would always be grateful. The daughter of a Tairen fisherman, Siuan had in the beginning sought to tease her about it, and still on occasion needled her about it, but it was difficult to think another a noble when they were as deep in their elbows doing dishes and scrubbing pots as you were.
Yes, Siuan was her best friend, and she supposed that it was not strange at all to feel a bit of possessiveness and protectiveness toward her. Settling that in her mind, Moiraine continued to her quarters, beginning to think of her next lesson. She, too, had a lesson with Elaida, after her session with Yuan, and she was not looking forward to it. With the door closed, she did sigh, thinking of the haughty, demanding Red sister. It would be a long day.
* * *
CHAPTER 2
A Flash of Insight
Siuan was fit to be tied, an irony not lost on her considering that was how she had spent the last hour. Elaida had wrapped her in flows of air the moment she had entered her study, and she had not been able to move a muscle for the entire time. She had been grilled on everything from the flows, to etiquette, down to even her relationships with Novices and other Accepted. Had she not known better, she would have thought Elaida was fishing for something. In fact, now that she thought on it, she was certain of it. One day, she thought to herself, you are going to catch a lionfish when you thought you were netting minnows, Elaida.
Elaida had offered no explanation as to what she was looking for, and each question had been pulled as though from random, trying to keep her off-balance. If she took too long in answering, Elaida switched her with Air and accused her of attempting to dissemble. How the woman expected her to change subjects like oars in a calm to knots in a storm, she had no idea. She wondered if being raised to the Shawl had unhinged the woman.
She snorted loudly to herself, startling a Novice so badly as she stalked through the hallway that the young woman dropped the tray she was carrying. Elaida had always been as mean as a silverpike with a bent fin. The clatter of the tray brought her from her reverie. The Novice looked mortified that she had dropped the tray, and seemed worried that Siuan would punish her. As Accepted, Siuan certainly out-ranked a Novice, but glancing at the tears beginning to flow from the eyes of the very young, and obviously new Novice, pity flared in her. Just because Elaida had put the scowl on her face was no reason to frighten a Novice. She smoothed her face and approached the Novice.
"There's no call for tears, girl. If you fall out of the boat, the only thing to do is get right back in. I'm Siuan, what's your name?" The short, stocky girl replied in a shaky voice, "Setsuko, Accepted. I'm sorry I splashed your dress, I'll clean it up right away." Siuan looked down, not even having noticed that tea was splashed all over her white Accepted's dress. Setsuko looked terrified and unsure what to do.
Siuan, having been sent for tea herself more times than she could count, gruffly inquired who the tea had been for. "Sierin Sedai, Accepted." In reminder, the stocky girl fairly quivered. Thinking of the hard-eyed Gray sister, Siuan could sympathize with the girl's reaction. The elder sister was a harsh disciplinarian, and had shocked many when she chose the Gray instead of the Red. Siuan herself had been late with tea for the pinch-faced sister, and had received a lash for every minute she had been late. Thankfully she had only been two minutes late; Sierin had a very strong arm and wasn't afraid to use it.
"Go back to the kitchen and get another pot of tea; I have a moment, and I'll take care of this mess." The Novice looked incredibly grateful and hurried off to the kitchen as though her dress was on fire. Siuan thought it just might be after she got back to Sierin, but at least it wouldn't be as bad as if she had taken the time to clean up the mess, nor as bad as it might have turned out had she left the mess in the hall to serve Sierin Sedai.
It seemed to Siuan that it was wrong for anyone to put a Novice in such a position; forcing the poor girl to choose between the larger transgression of leaving a mess in the hall that could cause someone to slip due to negligence, or be late with tea and be switched. She understood that making excuses could lead to lax discipline, but everyone, even Aes Sedai, made mistakes and had accidents on occasion. It was impossible to avoid it and still be human. As she knelt to lift the tray and right the silver pot, a harsh bark of laughter sounded behind her.
"Ever the heroine, ready to save the day, aren't you Siuan? Some days I think you'd prefer to be a Warder than an Aes Sedai." The harsh voice of Elaida sounded behind her. How did the woman always appear at the worst of times? "You are an Accepted, and should leave a Novice to learn from her own mistakes, not clean up after them. Since you insist on doing so, however, you can finish cleaning that up and then visit the kitchens every night this week since you enjoy it so." Siuan's face flushed in anger, but she calmly continued picking up the tray. How she controlled the rage she felt inside was a mystery, but she had made a decision to help the young Novice and she would face the consequences of it. "I'll see to that Novice, as well. What was her name, child?"
Resigned, Siuan decided not to make things worse. Poor Setsuko. She opened her mouth to answer but was forestalled by the approach of another sister. The White sister, Meilyn was the logic and arithmetic teacher who had been teaching Moiraine the first ten weaves. While she was a stern taskmaster and didn't tolerate failure, she had always been fair in Siuan's opinion. Moiraine despised arithmetic, she knew, but she never complained about lessons with Meilyn.
"Elaida, Siuan won't be available for kitchen duty. I am assigning her to some students. As for the novice she was just speaking with, she is behind on her studies. These children are here to learn to be Aes Sedai, not to be trained as scullery maids." Meilyn's tone brooked no argument, and though she drew herself up haughtily, Elaida relented.
Malice glittered in her dark eyes, and the look Siuan received nearly took the breath out of her, but Elaida merely replied "Well I hope this girl is sufficient at it. I'll expect to hear that this Novice becomes much better at mathematics if that is how she will be spending her evenings." It was said with an air that Siuan had better make certain and that she would suffer if the Novice did not suddenly become a superior student. She glided away, her scarlet dress rippling, giving every impression of a menacing, blood red swan.
Siuan had the tray in her hands and turned to retrieve a linen to mop up the mess, but Meilyn channeled and in an instant the floor was dry, and the tea was safely back in the silver pot. She caught a clerk that was passing by, and ordered Siuan to pass it to the obviously insulted clerk. Meilyn being who she was, however, was promptly obeyed and the clerk headed away in the direction of the kitchen. "Change your dress and get cleaned up, then come to my office Siuan." Meilyn ordered.
"Yes, Meilyn Sedai." Siuan said with a curtsy, uncertain whether she should be relieved at being spared a week in the kitchens or cursing herself for getting caught up in spending time tutoring Novices. She didn't mind it, and genuinely enjoyed helping others to learn, but she also had plenty of work to do herself. The last thing that she needed to do was allow herself to slack and give Elaida more opportunity to harass her. She barely was in the door to her quarters, and throwing her shift and the stained dress over her head before a knock sounded at her door.
A genuine thrill of fear went through her; certainly it wouldn't be Elaida come to berate her. Fear wasn't an emotion Siuan was accustomed to, but Elaida had been purely murderous at Siuan getting out of the penance she had imposed. If the boat takes on water, best to start bailing before it sinks, she thought.
"Come." She said hurriedly, facing the door, waiting for the dressing down she was certain would come from Elaida. Instead, a short dark head ducked in and turned to greet her. The dark eyes sparkled with mischief, then delicate eyebrows arched over them. Moiraine ran her eyes down her body, and for just an instant, a chill passed through Siuan. With a start she realized that she stood there naked except for her small clothes. Moiraine's eyes toured her body upwards to her face in a way that was almost unhurried.
Blushing, she approached the door that was still in Moiraine's hands and closed it. She passed close enough that she could swear she felt the petite woman's breath caress her naked breast. Her face was flaming red, and it was impossible to say if it was irritation, embarrassment or any of the other emotions that were dragging her back to the present. Moiraine's presence, and the look she gave her was like being plunged into icy water after a very hot bath. Or maybe it was the other way around.
"Expecting someone, Siuan?" Moiraine's voice was laced with amusement, and while the Cairheinen woman was as regal and reserved as any queen in public, she continued to let her gaze flicker over Siuan before settling it on her face. When Siuan turned to gather another dress to cover herself, Moiraine gasped. Bruises were forming on Siuan's back, along with welts. Moiraine stopped her with a cool, soft hand on her shoulder. Siuan stopped as though frozen. She and Moiraine had gone to the baths together and seen each other in various states of undress, but this was somehow...different. The cool air puckered her nipples, and Moiraine's hand on her naked torso, even just her shoulder, was affecting her.
"Siuan, what happened to your back? Did you get into trouble again?" The high, soft chimes of Moiraine's voice echoed concern. The hand lightly stroked her back, and Siuan belatedly remembered the blows she had received from Elaida for not answering quickly enough. Even the soft touch made her gasp in pain. Just as suddenly, Siuan felt as though she had been plunged into icy water, and her gasp shifted even louder. She spun to face Moiraine, shocked at being Delved then immediately Healed. Moiraine had barely moved her hands away, otherwise Siuan's entire bosom would have been heaving in her hands. As it was, it was close enough to heaving in the shorter woman's face.
Moiraine's face was laced with shock. It was forbidden for Accepted to channel, and doubly so to Heal. Healing could be as dangerous to the patient as to the Aes Sedai if done incorrectly. The shock on her face, however, and the way her dark eyes met blue ones told Siuan that Moiraine had not intended to do that. Siuan had heard it happened like that on occasion, and Moiraine had been studying Healing since she arrived at the tower. Moiraine had privately confided in Siuan that she did not want to become a Yellow, nearly certain when would become either Blue or Gray, but her aptitude with Healing was easily enough that she was continuously courted by Yellow sisters, hoping that she would join their Ajah. "Siuan are you alright?" Seeing that pale, beautiful face, painted with fear and those dark eyes glittering with tears caused a surge of tenderness to go through Siuan.
She pulled Moiraine to her hugging her close. She was surprised to feel tears in her own eyes. So much pressure, so many ways to break the rules and do the wrong things. Now the most precious person she knew was afraid that she had harmed her. Siuan couldn't bear to have Moiraine of all people think she was mad at her. "It's alright Moiraine. It's alright." She smoothed the dark hair that was never mussed, so glossy and impossibly fine. She felt tears on her chest, and Moiraine's warm breath. It abruptly reminded her that she was nearly naked, but something about those small hands on her back, and the petite, gentle curves pressed into her would not allow her to let go. Elaida's words flashed in her mind, "Sometimes I think you would prefer to be a Warder than an Aes Sedai", and it occurred to Siuan what she had implied. Her nipples tightened even further at the thought, and there was a distinct wetness in her small clothes. She had to get away from Moiraine before she did something they both would regret.
Abruptly she released her and turned around, back facing her friend. Moiraine's voice was painted with concern and once again she felt the small hand on her back. It was warm now, warmed on Siuan's own flesh. Siuan tried not to think about that and rushed to her wardrobe, practically hurling a shift on and getting her white Accepted's dress on. Moiraine looked puzzled, and not a little bit hurt, but Siuan's body was burning.
She had to go. She had to be in Meilyn's office. She had to be away from this inferno racing through her body. "I'm sorry, Moiraine but I have to go meet Meilyn. I'll tell you about it later." At least she was clothed this time, and didn't feel quite so exposed to the searching dark eyes that missed nothing, and were quite unreadable just now. Siuan stopped for a moment and brushed a tear from Moiraine's cheek with her knuckles. The skin was as smooth and porcelain as Siuan knew it would be. She did her best to offer Moiraine a smile, and reassure her. "It will all be okay, Moiraine. I promise you."
For one that had an appearance of such a petite, fragile doll, Moiraine was as resilient as steel. She gripped the wrist of the hand to her cheek and smiled at Siuan. This wasn't the reserved smile of a Caerhienin noble. This was the full, glorious smile of a beautiful woman. Siuan could not help but return it, and they both laughed both in relief and in joy. Even as she went to Meilyn's office to see how much trouble she was in now, a grin escaped onto Siuan's face.
The smile on Moiraine's face had lit her with joy, and Moiraine's healing must have also removed her fatigue. Her step was lighter than it had been in days, and her stomach was growling. Perhaps she had needed relief from pain more than she thought, and that was the cause of her reaction of arousal. Her body still burned thinking of that smile and the warm breath on her chest. Her own reaction to her hands on the gentle curves of the Cairhienen's body, however, told her that it was more than just Healing of her body. Moiraine's smile had a way of Healing her heart and her soul.
That was an insight she was going to have to deal with, but for now, she allowed herself to enjoy a moment of peace and joy.
* * *
CHAPTER 3
A Little Rest
Moiraine left Siuan's quarters in a daze, feeling a weakness that she knew came from Healing. She hadn't expected to do that, but the pain in Siuan's body had been palpable. That, and the utter shock of Siuan standing there in nothing but her small clothes. Siuan had been facing her, with the rosy tips of her full breasts peeping at her. Siuan had a fuller, more womanly body than she herself had; the Tairen was all feminine curves mixed with wiry muscles. Moiraine couldn't stop herself from looking. She had wanted to look. She had found herself wanting to touch. That was a most unexpected development.
Perhaps it was not completely unexpected that it was another woman that she was attracted to; it was more of an unexpected development that it would be Siuan who induced such longings. Right after Moiraine's sixteenth birthday and a week before she was leaving for Tar Valon, she attended the Feast of Lights. Normally restrained Caerhienin became much less restrained and it was a time of dancing and wild abandon. Even Moiraine became less reserved that year, and a pretty noblewoman had tried to lure Moiraine to her bed. Moiraine had kissed her several times that night, and allowed her body to be touched, but she did not go to Nelody's bed. It was too rushed for Moiraine's taste, despite how impetuous she cold be.
Certainly Moiraine was aware of other girls in the Tower that were "close", but Moiraine hadn't considered finding a “close” friend of her own. She had come to the Tower driven to learn, and Siuan was just as driven. While they were as close as any friends, they were too busy making mischief, studying or doing penances to have even many moments for rest, let alone other types of recreation. They were driven hard because of their abilities, and the two of them drove themselves just as hard. Moiraine couldn't deny it though; in that one instant when she walked in to see her Siuan, standing there in her womanhood, Moiraine's body had reacted and swiftly. She had nearly lost her reserve when Siuan approached the door. She was so close Moiraine could smell her scent.
When Moiraine saw the welts on her back, she had melted. Surrendered to the emotion of concern and yes, she admitted, love, for the proud Tairen with the kind heart, strong will and the courage of a lion. Her Siuan was in pain, and exhausted. It had flown out of her in a rush, and for a moment she Knew Siuan's body, the places where she ached, and the places where she needed relief. She couldn't have stopped herself. Moiraine also discovered that Siuan was in need of a different kind of relief, the sort of relief she herself now needed. Siuan was aroused. She wondered if that was because of her, or because of someone or something else. Then she feared that she had done something in her healing to transfer her own arousal to Siuan, or that she had harmed her. She would end her own life before she would intentionally harmed her Siuan.
There it was again. Her Siuan. She arrived at her quarters and rested herself on her bed. It was entirely inappropriate in her view, to lie in a bed in the broad of the day, but she was tired. Her body was also protesting in a way that said she would be worthless to concentrate on anything else until she was able to right herself. Meditating was out of the question; behind her closed eyes she saw that beautiful smile, those kind, sparkling blue eyes, and felt the warm, naked flesh beneath her hands. She imagined her hands touching those beautiful breasts, even taking them into her mouth. Arousal bloomed in her to the point of pain. She imagined Siuan's strong, sure hands, soft on her body, caressing her everywhere. Siuan's mouth on her own breasts. She touched herself as she imagined Siuan would.
When she slid her fingers into her small clothes, she imagined they were Siuan's hands. A mere touch had her swelling and soaked, aching for release. Rarely did she do this, but the urgency was too great to deny. As she caressed her own folds, she imagined, quite scandalously, that Siuan's beautiful mouth and tongue were pleasuring her. At the thought of Siuan's tongue caressing her, and her fingers entering her, Moiraine exploded. She may have cried out Siuan's name. She felt tears on her face, the pleasure had been so intense. She removed her hands and allowed herself to recover. She fell asleep, jerking awake at the knock on her door.
She quickly arose, washing her hands in the basin, hoping the scent would not carry. "Enter," she said, and shame crept into her cheeks when it was Yuan Sedai that entered. The slim Yellow sister with large gray eyes looked angry that she had to come looking for her student. It was a measure of how well Moiraine had performed at her lessons that the Aes Sedai had even bothered to find her; many other Aes Sedai would have sent for the Mistress of Novices to find her. She had slept through part of her lesson! She struggled for her reserve, and deeply curtsied. As she did, weakness in her knees caused her to stagger. Before she could hit the floor, the slim Yellow caught her by her arm and moved her to the bed.
"Child, what is the matter?" Yuan was delving her as she spoke and Moiraine silently hoped that what she had been doing earlier wasn't obvious. She would tell Yuan about healing Siuan, it was certainly necessary to be honest with her teacher, but the other was her own business. She spoke, attempting to struggle to sitting. The Yellow nearly prevented it but relented to let her sit on the edge of the bed.
"My apologies, Yuan Sedai, for missing my lesson. You will be angry with me." She spoke quietly, her voice still cool chimes, and more steady than she thought it would be. "You may wish to discontinue instructing me." Moiraine's dark eyes were troubled. She knew that what she had done was dangerous, and was frightened that she could not control herself. What if she accidentally healed someone at the wrong time and harmed them? A thousand consequences for her action raced through her mind, but for a moment, Moiraine thought what Siuan would do. Siuan would face it directly, and accept what came. Moiraine knew she could do no less.
The sister's gray eyes, sparkled, "Child, I'm not going to stop instructing you because you were late for a lesson! Discipline is certainly necessary, but not to the point where Accepted are dropping of exhaustion." She sat down on the bed next to Moiraine and put a kindly hand to her shoulder. Merean Sedai, the Mistress of Novices may have been where many initiates went to confide or when troubled, but Yuan was kind in a straight-forward way that Moiraine genuinely appreciated. It was a natural warmth that flowed from her.
"I fear I've done something worse. I Healed another Accepted of discipline she had received." She had tried to keep her voice even, but with the soft gray eyes looking at her in sympathy, she broke. Tears streamed from her dark eyes. Crying in front of others was something Moiraine simply did not do, and here in the space of a day she had broken first in front of Siuan and now here in front of Yuan Sedai. Perhaps she didn't have the strength to be Aes Sedai, after all. "It wasn't something I intended to do, it just happened. What if I had harmed her?" At that, the tears rushed out. She expected Yuan Sedai to head straight for the door for the Mistress of the Novices. She didn't expect the slender woman to pull her into a hug.
"It's alright, child. It's hardly the first time that has ever happened, and honestly, I may have been moving too slow with you. The Accepted you healed, I'm going to guess it was Siuan Sanche, was it not?" Moiraine moved from her embrace and glanced at the gray-eyed sister in shock.
"How did you know?" The look of surprise on Moiraine's face must have been quite a shock, but not as shocking as the rich laughter that pealed from the Yellow sister.
"The first time that many women learning the Art do a complete Healing, it is usually someone that they care deeply for. Siuan is, of course, someone that you are close to, and I am not surprised that she is the recipient of your healing. Was there some, she appeared to search for the right word, emotional moment that coincided with this Healing?" The way she chose her words made Moiraine decide that she really didn't want to know how much the Yellow knew. Kindly as Yuan may be, Moiraine was Caerhienin to her toenails and one simply did not discuss certain things. She merely said, "Yes, Aes Sedai."
"Well, you are certainly alright, but I am not going to remove your weariness right now. You and Siuan are both going to eat three times this evening to counteract the effects of the Healing, and you will be taking the rest of the day off from studies. I will see to it that the Mistress of Novices is informed." Moiraine was shocked that not only was she not getting put out of the Tower, she was taking the rest of the day off! "Do not assume that you are being rewarded, Accepted," an iron determination crept into the tone of Yuan Sedai, and Moiraine waited, knowing that her punishment was then coming. "I have obviously not been pushing you to your full potential and in the coming weeks, you will begin Healing in earnest. You clearly have a greater aptitude than I suspected, and you will fulfill it!" It was spoken like an oath, and Moiraine knew that she would, indeed be pushed.
Yuan got up to leave, but before she did, she turned to Moiraine. "Do you happen to know what Siuan was disciplined for, child?" Moiraine looked up. The calm, casual way that Yuan asked told one who had been raised with Daes Dae'mar in her cradle that it was not a casual question at all. Revealing nothing in her tone that she knew the question was anything more than casual, she merely stated, "No, Yuan Sedai, she was in a rush to go to Meilyn's study, so I am not certain. She had come to her quarters to change her clothes and then left again." Moiraine suspected it was Elaida, but it was better for the Yellow sister to find out for herself without Moiraine's assumptions clouding things. The slender
sister nodded thoughtfully, and admonished her to rest until someone came for her. When the door was closed, Moiraine sighed, grateful that if nothing else, she would get a little rest. Her eyes closed and she was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
(Part 2)