(no subject)
So its been about 6 months since I've written anything. Alot's changed, a few things have stayed the same. I have a liscense now, which I worked really hard at. Im always asking to use Andrea's car you should see me, Im a fool. But she always asks me, If I let you borrow it, where would you go? And I think about it, and think about it, and shes perfectly fucking right, where the hell would I go? I really have no where to go, no friends to drive around with. Im 16 years old and I feel like Im 101. And everyones been making up excuses to make themselves look good, because it's easy to make me the bitch I guess. Make me a bitch and make themselves the innocent, the fragile, the broken hearted, the hurt. Like I've never felt those things. I become the monster, I guess they just figure why not? They open up their perfectly shaped mouths without thinking of who they could be hurting, they don't think about me. Thats insecurity, not anything else, but putting someone down to make yourself seem alittle bit better. It's easy to call me a bitch and say that I've said something that I never really said, and make people believe you because I come off that way. I DO come off that way. Im ahsamed at myself for beliving that you wanted to heal me and help me and laugh with me. Im hurt and confused that you would say things like that about me, ever, to anyone. Im saddened that you would speak about me as if I meant nothing at all to you. That you would openup my life and spill out all my imperfections to someone who couldn't understand me even if he tried 1,000 times.
Fucking time seems to stay the same right?
Fucking time seems to stay the same right?