Counting Change
It's going to seem like Poppy has completely escaped my memory, but I'm really working on it. But this got finished first and I want to post it first. Please blame its conception on tiivibear for being an awesome friend I can't stand not talking to, and sunnystarr for being an amazing friend I love talking to! THANK YOU SO MUCH SUNNY FOR BETA-ING!! Nina, hope you enjoy and that all goes well for you! <3
.
Rating: PG-13 for sexual language and mild cursing
Pairing: ToDae
Genre: Fluff
In brief: Between condoms and raspberries, there's a friendship waiting to happen.
It’s not easy being a full time student and a part time worker. He doesn’t really need the money, but he’s a college student now and it would be nice to buy his own things without troubling his father for cash. Daesung took the part time job at the convenience store just to get out the house and get paid for it. He never suspected that his genuine personality would make the store owner assign him the evening shift and ask him to stay past midnight three days a week. So this is how he meets all kinds of interesting night people.
Like that one old woman who always comes in for a box of gumballs even though she doesn’t have teeth-he imagines she’s using the gumballs to string a necklace of grape flavored pearls. Or he likes to watch out for that trio of high schoolers who stumble and sing tunelessly while buying snacks for their next round of drinks. There’s that single mother who sometimes comes in late at night looking for a pack of cigarettes after her baby is asleep. He smiles at her and her smile trembles with exhaustion and tears.
Daesung enjoys watching after the people who come at night. His not-so-anonymity shields him from their sufferings, but he likes to think that they come to his store because they’re seeking something more than conveniences from him. He’s probably wrong…oh well. He likes it. And recently, there’s a new person.
He’s taller than most denizens but he slinks around the place like someone who wants to curl into himself. He’s always wearing the same white ear-buds under his expensive looking sweaters, always the same Puma shoes. But he’s only started showing up pretty recently and Daesung has never seen him around before. He’d definitely recognize those eyes anywhere.
Daesung thought he had the newcomer figured out. Definitely a pimp, because no one blew through that many condoms in a week, no matter how much they liked sex. Daesung was impressed. Every Saturday, without fail, this new guy would buy a new box of condoms. That meant that he’d have to be having sex every day, at least three times a day. To Daesung, who had sex maybe once every six months, it seemed like this new guy was either a very considerate pimp or the luckiest boyfriend in the world. So it was always with a private smile that he handed the change back to the new guy.
One night, the new guy noticed that private smile. Their gazes met for an embarrassed moment, then Daesung looked away quickly and the new guy coughed. Daesung accidentally dropped some coins to the floor. As he was bending down to pick them up, the new guy muttered something.
“Excuse me?” Daesung asked when he stood back up.
“My girlfriend’s insatiable,” the new guy muttered.
“You’re a very fortunate young man,” Daesung responded.
The new guy cracked up with laughter that sounded way too dorky from that well-developed body. Daesung was immediately charmed. He counted out the change in coins a little slower than usual.
When the new guy took his change, he was still smiling. Daesung thought it was only fair that he also got to share that feeling, so he smiled to himself long after the new guy left.
~
Initially it was not really a big deal, just a high school project between desk mates. It just happened to be that Heetaek’s desk mate was at home with lice and Daesung never had a desk mate to begin with. So the teacher paired them and Daesung relocated his stuff next to his new desk mate. Heetaek, cool and confident of himself, shook Daesung’s hand solemnly. Daesung grinned at the precocious gesture and Heetaek was taken aback.
“I’ve never seen you smile like that,” he said on their way home.
Daesung kicked a rock onto the road, “Well…I’d look retarded if I smiled all the time.”
Heetaek grabbed Daesung’s arm and they proceeded to walk down the sidewalk together, “Ah. That’s a pity. I’ll just give you more reasons to smile now; no one can say you look retarded if we’re both laughing about something.”
He said it with confidence that was impossible to doubt.
~
It continued on like this for two weeks. Condoms every Saturday night, a secret smile each time, slowly that became witty exchanges of innuendoes, and finally even that morphs into something else. The new guy just points to Daesung’s name tag like he’s never seen it before.
“Daesung?” he asks, Daesung nods, and “I’m Seunghyun.” He says it like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And it is. They’re practically friends.
Daesung can’t explain it. It’s just this weird buzz he feels when he talks to Seunghyun and he concludes that it’s probably misguided hormones. Makes sense since all they talk about is Seunghyun’s girlfriend and her wild need for sex, so of course it must be hormones. Whatever it is, it makes him smile almost saucily and ask, “But what does she call you?”
Seunghyun’s eyes glint, “Sexy.”
They crack up, the way they usually do whenever they’re together, and suddenly Daesung realizes something funny about himself. But he writes it off as hormones again, paints this strange new feeling of desire all over the imaginary picture of Seunghyun’s sexy, insatiable girlfriend.
He puts the condoms in a paper bag and sends the older boy off with a smile on his face. One more night, one more satisfied customer. Daesung whistles to himself, ignores the lightness of something bubbling in his chest, and greets the fashion-disaster art student who wants more canned caffeine.
~
It changes one Saturday. Daesung thinks everything will be okay with Seunghyun when he comes in and Daesung doesn’t want to admit it but he’s been waiting for him for the past four hours. He even has the change already calculated out in his head but he knows it’ll take him a suspiciously long time to collect the change from the register tray. But Seunghyun will want a different order of coins this time.
Because Seunghyun doesn’t pick up a box of condoms this time, doesn’t smile when he approaches the counter. He’s holding a carton of ice cream, raspberry cream with chocolate chips. Daesung stares at the ice cream like he’s never seen it in the store, never stocked it with his own hands.
“Finally she wants romance before you…” Daesung trails off when he looks at Seunghyun’s face. Seunghyun’s not even looking at him, just faintly pink and morbidly interested in his shoes. Daesung’s mouth closes. He reaches out and takes the ice cream from Seunghyun’s fingers, his fingers must be so cold now, and rings it up. He’s been dumped. That bitch actually dumped this beautiful man. Daesung doesn’t know why he feels so choked up about this.
“Hey,” Seunghyun waves a hand before Daesung’s face and Daesung twitches. “Don’t worry. Sometimes…ice cream tastes better when you eat it alone.”
“You’re lying,” Daesung almost stumbles over the words and still can’t fathom why he suddenly feels so upset about Seunghyun’s dumb girlfriend. Seunghyun smiles and accepts his change.
“Yeah…I guess you’re right…” Seunghyun says and looks at Daesung.
That kind of look is laced with all kinds of meanings and questions and weeks of other significant looks. But for Daesung, he can’t see past the haze of anguish he feels for his friend. He just mutters, “Third row, next to the disposable cups.” Seunghyun goes away, Daesung thinks about how many condoms he sold that ended up in that ex-girlfriend and what a damn waste on such a very dumb whore, and Seunghyun returns with a box of plastic spoons. The older boy pulls out one green, plastic spoon and struggles briefly with the ice cream carton’s lid. He finally gets it off and Daesung wonders how Seunghyun can see him across the haze of anger and grief he’s wrapped in.
A green spoon cuts through the haze and raspberry ice cream waits for Daesung to open his mouth. Across the counter, Seunghyun is even pinker than the ice cream.
Daesung looks at the opened box of spoons, “Can I have my own, at least?”
“It’s better like this, and this time I know I’m right,” Seunghyun says seriously, “It’s melting.” And he waves the spoon before Daesung’s face.
It comes as this series of epiphanies later, when Seunghyun leaves the convenience store with an empty carton of ice cream and one used spoon they passed back and forth between each other. First, Seunghyun never paid for that box of spoons. Second, Daesung doesn’t like raspberry anything and he just ate half a carton of it. Third, he understands now why Seunghyun’s girlfriend was able to go through so many boxes of condoms. A man like Seunghyun draws people to him, unintentionally asks them to love him, is not surprised when they comply. Daesung just sighs to himself, puts 24 spoons away under the counter and hopes he’ll never have to use them again.
~
It’s just something the class has come to accept; you’ll find Heetaek wherever Daesung is and vice versa. They’re really formidable tennis doubles and no one really wants to pair up against them during the partner debates. Because something about them flows, meshes, and they’re almost inseparable. Kindred spirits, the best of friends. Daesung and Heetaek can be found in the library on their lunch breaks and they’re always laughing about some private matter.
It’s another thing the class accepts; if one of them is laughing, the other is too. And most likely, you won’t get it if they explain to you.
~
Daesung tries not to fall asleep a few nights later. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing here; the course load is getting increasingly difficult and there’s this rampant flu going around that he’s pretty sure he’s caught. But he still went to work and offered to do the evening shift even though he’s drinking enough ginseng tea to make his grandmother proud. He slouches over and feels miserable. Maybe he should have taken the night off…
He sits up again when the door opens and a tall figure walks in. For a moment he is anticipating Seunghyun, but then he deflates slightly. It’s just Jungwan, his old math tutor who is now a salary man living on lottery tickets and instant noodles. Daesung waves at Jungwan, coughs dismally to himself and takes out the box of lottery cards for his friend.
“Daesung-ah,” Jungwan puts the packet noodles down on the counter and waits for Daesung to fill out his numbers, “Are you out of school yet? How come you’re still so young? You make me feel old.”
“Hyung,” Daesung laughs, “I’m struggling through school and all you can think of is yourself? You’re still so selfish!” And when he looks up to give Jungwan his lottery card he sees Seunghyun walking in. Seunghyun waves briefly, looks over the customer, and moves toward the ice cream section. Daesung swallows some glowing feeling and a smile tugs at his mouth. Jungwan looks surprised and smiles in response. He leans in against the counter.
“Aha, there’s that smile I’ve wanted to see. Why are you complaining at me? You look fine.” Jungwan says teasingly. Daesung shrugs and watches as Seunghyun pauses when he opens the freezer.
“I’m just happy to see a good friend,” Daesung says truthfully and Jungwan takes it well. He reaches across the counter to ruffle Daesung’s hair and his hand lingers against Daesung’s cheek.
“Nice to see you too,” Jungwan says and Daesung just laughs and gently pulls Jungwan’s hand away. Seunghyun has closed the freezer door.
While Jungwan is chatting to Daesung about making enough money so that he can take them both to Europe, a dream Daesung confided in Jungwan when he was younger, Daesung’s watching Seunghyun out of the corner of his eye. Seunghyun hasn’t moved from where he’s been standing and to anyone watching him it is apparent that he’s eavesdropping. Finally Jungwan finishes his tirade about freedom of sexual expression in France and Daesung just nods. Jungwan leaves after a light punch to Daesung’s shoulder, and Seunghyun slowly approaches the counter.
There won’t be a need for green spoons tonight. A box of condoms is dropped onto the counter.
And Daesung can’t find the will to smile or joke. Maybe he’s sicker than he thought.
~
Suddenly it changes. Heetaek comes in early in the morning and speaks to the homeroom teacher in the faculty office. When students start sitting down, Heetaek tells that kid in the front that he has permission from the teacher to switch seats with him because he crushed his contacts.
If Daesung knows that Heetaek has perfect vision, he doesn’t tell anyone else. It seems like a good secret to keep to himself, since Heetaek isn’t telling anyone how Daesung confessed to him last night. It’s only fair.
But he looks at the back of Heetaek’s head until his eyes blur, until he has to look down at his desk and wonder why it’s raining inside the classroom.
~
The next night that Seunghyun purchases more condoms Daesung attempts a joke, “Oh, so it was you all along,” and Seunghyun just shrugs. He gazes at Daesung again with that look laced with more meaning than Daesung can understand. He falters under that stare and just concentrates on finding the correct change.
Seunghyun looks down and shakes his head, “I’m not…it’s not me. Well. I guess so,” he sighs when he realizes that Daesung isn’t exactly following. So he just holds his hand out for the change, “I guess I’m just having fun. What about you? Ever had fun with a girl? Or…a partner?” Seunghyun looks steadily at him, anticipating.
Daesung is taken aback with the insinuation and his face shows it. How in the world did Seunghyun figure that out about him-did it show in his voice, in his body movements? Daesung shades red and shakes his head, “I haven’t had sex in ages,” he says in a neutral tone. He doesn’t know what Seunghyun is like but he’s seen how his friends have been torn apart by betrayal and forceful, poisonous words. So he just smiles at Seunghyun and puts the condoms inside the brown paper bag, “I’m not really the playing type. I mean, look at me, I work the evening shift at a convenience store.”
Seunghyun nods and contemplates the bag, “I know what you mean. I wouldn’t play with someone like you either.” Daesung takes a moment to comprehend that and then immediately quashes the idea that Seunghyun is actually hitting on him. Seunghyun just grins at him like a boy with his hand on a girl’s chest and Daesung’s controlled smile slips a little. For a flash of a second he wonders what would happen if he just reached over and kissed Seunghyun, quick and clean. He keeps his brilliant ideas to himself and Seunghyun waves and walks off.
When Daesung is stocking items around the store later, he lingers in front of the boxes of condoms. His gaze trails over the brand that Seunghyun purchases even though his mind is already somewhere else. He’s wondering about how Seunghyun fills out the latex slips, the feel of that blunt pressure, the heady sensation of arms caging him between a bed and a strong chest, about Seunghyun’s husky voice against his neck. Daesung realizes he’s drooling a little and the single mother is giggling at him. He makes a face and walks away from the condoms; his body is still burning a little.
~
It’s summer and that’s got to be why Seunghyun is buying more and more ice cream. But there’s always some suggestion that he’s being dumped a lot and Daesung doesn’t know if he feels quite so distraught about this anymore. The first few times were upsetting for him, but now every time Seunghyun approaches the counter with his raspberry ice cream Daesung just fights a grin. He comes up with wild scenarios where Seunghyun is caught banging his hot landlady when his soon-to-be ex walks in and screeches and throws her heels at him and claws at the other woman and meanwhile Seunghyun is pulling up his pants-
Seunghyun flicks his cheek and Daesung bats his hand away, “Yah. Stop hogging the spoon. I’m the one who needs more ice cream.”
“If you just kept your pants on…” Daesung mutters and Seunghyun gives him a quizzical look.
“What does that have to do with anything?” he gets the spoon back from Daesung and takes a big bite.
Daesung shakes his head and adjusts the mini fan so that the oscillations don’t completely miss his face and kindly cool the cigarettes behind him. He closes his eyes against the hot night and enjoys the air blowing in his face.
There’s a void of sound, no slurping or spooning, and Daesung cracks his eyes open. Seunghyun immediately looks fascinated with the ice cream and starts shoveling globs of melty pink into his mouth.
“So,” Seunghyun says quickly, “Plans for the summer?”
“Eh. I’ll probably work as usual…maybe visit some relatives in Japan. You?” he wipes his face.
Seunghyun passes the spoon back to him, “I dunno’. I was thinking of going to the beach some time. There are some really good concerts for free on the beach, lots of foreigners, maybe take a friend or something.”
“I’m sure your girlfriend,” whoever she may be this week, “would love that. Very romantic.” Daesung says and takes a spoon of ice cream to cover the distaste he feels to even say that. Not when Seunghyun has recently been a welcome visitor in some of Daesung’s more interesting dreams. It’s been getting better; fewer of them end with a crazed chick throwing shoes at them.
“Actually,” Seunghyun looks away when the door opens and a new customer walks in, “I was wondering if you wanted to go. We could stay for a night…I know some people who own property in Jeju-do…”
Daesung blushes and curses the broken AC unit-damn the blasted machine into hell. His body flares in the summer heat and he shakes his head, “I can’t accept…that’s a really generous offer.”
“It’s just two days and a night in Jeju,” Seunghyun starts but Daesung keeps shaking his head.
“No way. I mean it, take your girlfriend. Live the summer dream, you know, sexy volleyball games and beach sex and bikinis and whatever-” stupid stupid stupid, Daesung curses and his eyes follow the other customer helplessly, as if they could save him from speaking ever again. He’d love to go to the beach with Seunghyun but he knows what it’s like to pine after a straight man. He knows how an innocent friendship can turn ugly when that friend realizes that Daesung’s eyes sometimes linger too longingly on men’s muscles. A beach would be torture for him. A night in that summer sun would destroy this nighttime friendship.
He’s still shaking his head, aware that the customer is moving further away like a bobbing life saver escaping, and Seunghyun’s suddenly much closer than before. Suddenly, he’s touching Daesung. They both watch as Seunghyun’s long fingers capture Daesung’s in a clumsy grab for the spoon in Daesung’s hand. Daesung, startled, tries to pull away, but Seunghyun is smiling while he throws Daesung’s perspective way out of whack.
“I don’t really like bikinis,” he says quietly, “If you know what I mean.”
He just nods and the grip around his hand tightens, “Yeah. I don’t look too hot in a bikini either.”
Seunghyun laughs and relinquishes the spoon and Daesung’s hand. He picks up the ice cream, tosses a “think about it!” behind him with a wink, and leaves. Daesung watches him leave with a slightly mystified expression.
“Grandma, I’ve always wondered,” Daesung says a little mindlessly when the old woman puts the grape gum onto the counter, “Why do you buy gum if you can’t chew?”
She gives him an amused look, “You dumbass, Daesung. They’re for my grandkid. Why didn’t you ask me earlier?”
“Oh.” He snaps out of his daze and looks at the gum. She frowns at him.
“That’s the problem with you. You’ve got to stop hiding behind that counter, sometimes it looks like you’ll stay trapped there forever. How are you going to understand the world if you spend your nights in a convenience store? Make some friends, Daesung.” She clucks at him disapprovingly, takes her gum, and leaves. Daesung bows to her retreating back and feels a little like he’s finally caught that bobbing life saver. He stands behind that counter and pauses.
And then he hurtles from behind that counter with a half-empty box of plastic spoons, flips the ‘Open’ sign around, locks the shop behind him, and runs.
~
To be fair, Heetaek never made a big deal about it; he just made it very clear where he stood on that matter. But Daesung couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt him every time he had to pair up with someone who wasn’t Heetaek, that he wasn’t injured by the distant look he got from Heetaek whenever they accidently matched gazes. But Daesung went on living quietly, maybe a little less happily.
And that was probably what made Heetaek look for Daesung at the convenience store a few days after graduation. He bought a bottle of water and stared levelly at Daesung, who would have loved to just sink into the ground and never come back up again. The earth had various layers of boiling rock, any of which would be slightly less painful than right now. But then Heetaek shakes his head, almost regretfully.
“If it’s because of me that you’re not smiling anymore, then I regret we were ever friends.” Heetaek says gruffly, “You deserve to be happy, Daesung-sshi. Someone will make you smile again.”
When Heetaek leaves, Daesung cancels the date he had for later that night. Then he calls up his boss and tells him that he wants to work nights after all.
~
Seunghyun thought he was about to get mugged, but it turns out that convenience store boy just wants to throw things at him. First it’s a box of plastic spoons that hits his back and falls, and then Daesung throws himself at him and Seunghyun makes sure he catches.
Seunghyun’s never imagined a kiss could feel like this, like as if your chest has decided to detach itself and just run away. His hands don’t know what to do; they’re smoothing over Daesung’s face, clenching shoulders, or just twitching stupidly. He doesn’t even remember how to do it and it’s awkward as hell, but Daesung’s just licked his lower lip and is slowly teaching Seunghyun how to kiss again. Seunghyun remembers, tilts Daesung’s chin just so, and lets electric shivers pass through them.
Just when Seunghyun was starting to get some really interesting reactions from Daesung, the younger boy steps away. He was about to protest but Daesung’s crescent eyes are glaring at him in a less-than-romantic way. He cowers in anticipation.
“Who were all of those condoms for? How many of your insatiable girlfriends were real? Why did you lie to me?” he demands. Seunghyun makes a face. Busted.
“I have this, um, underage friend who won’t keep himself in his pants, so we agreed that I’d buy him condoms if he stopped going after married women. I didn’t really keep any of them,” Seunghyun explains a little sheepishly and watches as Daesung flushes with embarrassment and anger, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to lie to you, but it was hilarious when we joked about it the first few times!”
“You still lied to me,” Daesung accuses Seunghyun and the older boy stares on helplessly. Finally he throws his hands up in the air.
“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” he clutches Daesung’s arms, “I promise I’ll make it up to you somehow, okay?”
Daesung is still flushed red and Seunghyun can see the easing of the anger in those eyes, “How?”
Seunghyun leans in and noses Daesung for a soft kiss. Daesung is warm under his fingers, “I’ll think of something.”
~
Seunghyun’s friend owns a great property of Jeju-do. It feels a little…well…sketchy, since the government would probably want such a great stretch of beach for public use, but neither of the boys have the desire to investigate or complain.
In fact, neither of them have anything to complain about, except that maybe night time has never come so slowly for them. The waves are breaking in less violently than high noon, the water is equally cool and warm as beach water is wont to be, and they’re both lying in the sun as if the beach was made for them to laze on.
But then a wet, sandy hand slowly burrows into the sand. It sifts through the warm sand until it’s underneath the other boy’s hand and then it rises to the surface, clasps Daesung’s in his. And no, night has never come slower. Not when Seunghyun keeps reminding Daesung of raspberry ice cream (no longer quite so distasteful) back in their room, and Daesung remembers the box of condoms he brought (just in case, of course).
.
Rating: PG-13 for sexual language and mild cursing
Pairing: ToDae
Genre: Fluff
In brief: Between condoms and raspberries, there's a friendship waiting to happen.
It’s not easy being a full time student and a part time worker. He doesn’t really need the money, but he’s a college student now and it would be nice to buy his own things without troubling his father for cash. Daesung took the part time job at the convenience store just to get out the house and get paid for it. He never suspected that his genuine personality would make the store owner assign him the evening shift and ask him to stay past midnight three days a week. So this is how he meets all kinds of interesting night people.
Like that one old woman who always comes in for a box of gumballs even though she doesn’t have teeth-he imagines she’s using the gumballs to string a necklace of grape flavored pearls. Or he likes to watch out for that trio of high schoolers who stumble and sing tunelessly while buying snacks for their next round of drinks. There’s that single mother who sometimes comes in late at night looking for a pack of cigarettes after her baby is asleep. He smiles at her and her smile trembles with exhaustion and tears.
Daesung enjoys watching after the people who come at night. His not-so-anonymity shields him from their sufferings, but he likes to think that they come to his store because they’re seeking something more than conveniences from him. He’s probably wrong…oh well. He likes it. And recently, there’s a new person.
He’s taller than most denizens but he slinks around the place like someone who wants to curl into himself. He’s always wearing the same white ear-buds under his expensive looking sweaters, always the same Puma shoes. But he’s only started showing up pretty recently and Daesung has never seen him around before. He’d definitely recognize those eyes anywhere.
Daesung thought he had the newcomer figured out. Definitely a pimp, because no one blew through that many condoms in a week, no matter how much they liked sex. Daesung was impressed. Every Saturday, without fail, this new guy would buy a new box of condoms. That meant that he’d have to be having sex every day, at least three times a day. To Daesung, who had sex maybe once every six months, it seemed like this new guy was either a very considerate pimp or the luckiest boyfriend in the world. So it was always with a private smile that he handed the change back to the new guy.
One night, the new guy noticed that private smile. Their gazes met for an embarrassed moment, then Daesung looked away quickly and the new guy coughed. Daesung accidentally dropped some coins to the floor. As he was bending down to pick them up, the new guy muttered something.
“Excuse me?” Daesung asked when he stood back up.
“My girlfriend’s insatiable,” the new guy muttered.
“You’re a very fortunate young man,” Daesung responded.
The new guy cracked up with laughter that sounded way too dorky from that well-developed body. Daesung was immediately charmed. He counted out the change in coins a little slower than usual.
When the new guy took his change, he was still smiling. Daesung thought it was only fair that he also got to share that feeling, so he smiled to himself long after the new guy left.
~
Initially it was not really a big deal, just a high school project between desk mates. It just happened to be that Heetaek’s desk mate was at home with lice and Daesung never had a desk mate to begin with. So the teacher paired them and Daesung relocated his stuff next to his new desk mate. Heetaek, cool and confident of himself, shook Daesung’s hand solemnly. Daesung grinned at the precocious gesture and Heetaek was taken aback.
“I’ve never seen you smile like that,” he said on their way home.
Daesung kicked a rock onto the road, “Well…I’d look retarded if I smiled all the time.”
Heetaek grabbed Daesung’s arm and they proceeded to walk down the sidewalk together, “Ah. That’s a pity. I’ll just give you more reasons to smile now; no one can say you look retarded if we’re both laughing about something.”
He said it with confidence that was impossible to doubt.
~
It continued on like this for two weeks. Condoms every Saturday night, a secret smile each time, slowly that became witty exchanges of innuendoes, and finally even that morphs into something else. The new guy just points to Daesung’s name tag like he’s never seen it before.
“Daesung?” he asks, Daesung nods, and “I’m Seunghyun.” He says it like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And it is. They’re practically friends.
Daesung can’t explain it. It’s just this weird buzz he feels when he talks to Seunghyun and he concludes that it’s probably misguided hormones. Makes sense since all they talk about is Seunghyun’s girlfriend and her wild need for sex, so of course it must be hormones. Whatever it is, it makes him smile almost saucily and ask, “But what does she call you?”
Seunghyun’s eyes glint, “Sexy.”
They crack up, the way they usually do whenever they’re together, and suddenly Daesung realizes something funny about himself. But he writes it off as hormones again, paints this strange new feeling of desire all over the imaginary picture of Seunghyun’s sexy, insatiable girlfriend.
He puts the condoms in a paper bag and sends the older boy off with a smile on his face. One more night, one more satisfied customer. Daesung whistles to himself, ignores the lightness of something bubbling in his chest, and greets the fashion-disaster art student who wants more canned caffeine.
~
It changes one Saturday. Daesung thinks everything will be okay with Seunghyun when he comes in and Daesung doesn’t want to admit it but he’s been waiting for him for the past four hours. He even has the change already calculated out in his head but he knows it’ll take him a suspiciously long time to collect the change from the register tray. But Seunghyun will want a different order of coins this time.
Because Seunghyun doesn’t pick up a box of condoms this time, doesn’t smile when he approaches the counter. He’s holding a carton of ice cream, raspberry cream with chocolate chips. Daesung stares at the ice cream like he’s never seen it in the store, never stocked it with his own hands.
“Finally she wants romance before you…” Daesung trails off when he looks at Seunghyun’s face. Seunghyun’s not even looking at him, just faintly pink and morbidly interested in his shoes. Daesung’s mouth closes. He reaches out and takes the ice cream from Seunghyun’s fingers, his fingers must be so cold now, and rings it up. He’s been dumped. That bitch actually dumped this beautiful man. Daesung doesn’t know why he feels so choked up about this.
“Hey,” Seunghyun waves a hand before Daesung’s face and Daesung twitches. “Don’t worry. Sometimes…ice cream tastes better when you eat it alone.”
“You’re lying,” Daesung almost stumbles over the words and still can’t fathom why he suddenly feels so upset about Seunghyun’s dumb girlfriend. Seunghyun smiles and accepts his change.
“Yeah…I guess you’re right…” Seunghyun says and looks at Daesung.
That kind of look is laced with all kinds of meanings and questions and weeks of other significant looks. But for Daesung, he can’t see past the haze of anguish he feels for his friend. He just mutters, “Third row, next to the disposable cups.” Seunghyun goes away, Daesung thinks about how many condoms he sold that ended up in that ex-girlfriend and what a damn waste on such a very dumb whore, and Seunghyun returns with a box of plastic spoons. The older boy pulls out one green, plastic spoon and struggles briefly with the ice cream carton’s lid. He finally gets it off and Daesung wonders how Seunghyun can see him across the haze of anger and grief he’s wrapped in.
A green spoon cuts through the haze and raspberry ice cream waits for Daesung to open his mouth. Across the counter, Seunghyun is even pinker than the ice cream.
Daesung looks at the opened box of spoons, “Can I have my own, at least?”
“It’s better like this, and this time I know I’m right,” Seunghyun says seriously, “It’s melting.” And he waves the spoon before Daesung’s face.
It comes as this series of epiphanies later, when Seunghyun leaves the convenience store with an empty carton of ice cream and one used spoon they passed back and forth between each other. First, Seunghyun never paid for that box of spoons. Second, Daesung doesn’t like raspberry anything and he just ate half a carton of it. Third, he understands now why Seunghyun’s girlfriend was able to go through so many boxes of condoms. A man like Seunghyun draws people to him, unintentionally asks them to love him, is not surprised when they comply. Daesung just sighs to himself, puts 24 spoons away under the counter and hopes he’ll never have to use them again.
~
It’s just something the class has come to accept; you’ll find Heetaek wherever Daesung is and vice versa. They’re really formidable tennis doubles and no one really wants to pair up against them during the partner debates. Because something about them flows, meshes, and they’re almost inseparable. Kindred spirits, the best of friends. Daesung and Heetaek can be found in the library on their lunch breaks and they’re always laughing about some private matter.
It’s another thing the class accepts; if one of them is laughing, the other is too. And most likely, you won’t get it if they explain to you.
~
Daesung tries not to fall asleep a few nights later. He doesn’t even know what he’s doing here; the course load is getting increasingly difficult and there’s this rampant flu going around that he’s pretty sure he’s caught. But he still went to work and offered to do the evening shift even though he’s drinking enough ginseng tea to make his grandmother proud. He slouches over and feels miserable. Maybe he should have taken the night off…
He sits up again when the door opens and a tall figure walks in. For a moment he is anticipating Seunghyun, but then he deflates slightly. It’s just Jungwan, his old math tutor who is now a salary man living on lottery tickets and instant noodles. Daesung waves at Jungwan, coughs dismally to himself and takes out the box of lottery cards for his friend.
“Daesung-ah,” Jungwan puts the packet noodles down on the counter and waits for Daesung to fill out his numbers, “Are you out of school yet? How come you’re still so young? You make me feel old.”
“Hyung,” Daesung laughs, “I’m struggling through school and all you can think of is yourself? You’re still so selfish!” And when he looks up to give Jungwan his lottery card he sees Seunghyun walking in. Seunghyun waves briefly, looks over the customer, and moves toward the ice cream section. Daesung swallows some glowing feeling and a smile tugs at his mouth. Jungwan looks surprised and smiles in response. He leans in against the counter.
“Aha, there’s that smile I’ve wanted to see. Why are you complaining at me? You look fine.” Jungwan says teasingly. Daesung shrugs and watches as Seunghyun pauses when he opens the freezer.
“I’m just happy to see a good friend,” Daesung says truthfully and Jungwan takes it well. He reaches across the counter to ruffle Daesung’s hair and his hand lingers against Daesung’s cheek.
“Nice to see you too,” Jungwan says and Daesung just laughs and gently pulls Jungwan’s hand away. Seunghyun has closed the freezer door.
While Jungwan is chatting to Daesung about making enough money so that he can take them both to Europe, a dream Daesung confided in Jungwan when he was younger, Daesung’s watching Seunghyun out of the corner of his eye. Seunghyun hasn’t moved from where he’s been standing and to anyone watching him it is apparent that he’s eavesdropping. Finally Jungwan finishes his tirade about freedom of sexual expression in France and Daesung just nods. Jungwan leaves after a light punch to Daesung’s shoulder, and Seunghyun slowly approaches the counter.
There won’t be a need for green spoons tonight. A box of condoms is dropped onto the counter.
And Daesung can’t find the will to smile or joke. Maybe he’s sicker than he thought.
~
Suddenly it changes. Heetaek comes in early in the morning and speaks to the homeroom teacher in the faculty office. When students start sitting down, Heetaek tells that kid in the front that he has permission from the teacher to switch seats with him because he crushed his contacts.
If Daesung knows that Heetaek has perfect vision, he doesn’t tell anyone else. It seems like a good secret to keep to himself, since Heetaek isn’t telling anyone how Daesung confessed to him last night. It’s only fair.
But he looks at the back of Heetaek’s head until his eyes blur, until he has to look down at his desk and wonder why it’s raining inside the classroom.
~
The next night that Seunghyun purchases more condoms Daesung attempts a joke, “Oh, so it was you all along,” and Seunghyun just shrugs. He gazes at Daesung again with that look laced with more meaning than Daesung can understand. He falters under that stare and just concentrates on finding the correct change.
Seunghyun looks down and shakes his head, “I’m not…it’s not me. Well. I guess so,” he sighs when he realizes that Daesung isn’t exactly following. So he just holds his hand out for the change, “I guess I’m just having fun. What about you? Ever had fun with a girl? Or…a partner?” Seunghyun looks steadily at him, anticipating.
Daesung is taken aback with the insinuation and his face shows it. How in the world did Seunghyun figure that out about him-did it show in his voice, in his body movements? Daesung shades red and shakes his head, “I haven’t had sex in ages,” he says in a neutral tone. He doesn’t know what Seunghyun is like but he’s seen how his friends have been torn apart by betrayal and forceful, poisonous words. So he just smiles at Seunghyun and puts the condoms inside the brown paper bag, “I’m not really the playing type. I mean, look at me, I work the evening shift at a convenience store.”
Seunghyun nods and contemplates the bag, “I know what you mean. I wouldn’t play with someone like you either.” Daesung takes a moment to comprehend that and then immediately quashes the idea that Seunghyun is actually hitting on him. Seunghyun just grins at him like a boy with his hand on a girl’s chest and Daesung’s controlled smile slips a little. For a flash of a second he wonders what would happen if he just reached over and kissed Seunghyun, quick and clean. He keeps his brilliant ideas to himself and Seunghyun waves and walks off.
When Daesung is stocking items around the store later, he lingers in front of the boxes of condoms. His gaze trails over the brand that Seunghyun purchases even though his mind is already somewhere else. He’s wondering about how Seunghyun fills out the latex slips, the feel of that blunt pressure, the heady sensation of arms caging him between a bed and a strong chest, about Seunghyun’s husky voice against his neck. Daesung realizes he’s drooling a little and the single mother is giggling at him. He makes a face and walks away from the condoms; his body is still burning a little.
~
It’s summer and that’s got to be why Seunghyun is buying more and more ice cream. But there’s always some suggestion that he’s being dumped a lot and Daesung doesn’t know if he feels quite so distraught about this anymore. The first few times were upsetting for him, but now every time Seunghyun approaches the counter with his raspberry ice cream Daesung just fights a grin. He comes up with wild scenarios where Seunghyun is caught banging his hot landlady when his soon-to-be ex walks in and screeches and throws her heels at him and claws at the other woman and meanwhile Seunghyun is pulling up his pants-
Seunghyun flicks his cheek and Daesung bats his hand away, “Yah. Stop hogging the spoon. I’m the one who needs more ice cream.”
“If you just kept your pants on…” Daesung mutters and Seunghyun gives him a quizzical look.
“What does that have to do with anything?” he gets the spoon back from Daesung and takes a big bite.
Daesung shakes his head and adjusts the mini fan so that the oscillations don’t completely miss his face and kindly cool the cigarettes behind him. He closes his eyes against the hot night and enjoys the air blowing in his face.
There’s a void of sound, no slurping or spooning, and Daesung cracks his eyes open. Seunghyun immediately looks fascinated with the ice cream and starts shoveling globs of melty pink into his mouth.
“So,” Seunghyun says quickly, “Plans for the summer?”
“Eh. I’ll probably work as usual…maybe visit some relatives in Japan. You?” he wipes his face.
Seunghyun passes the spoon back to him, “I dunno’. I was thinking of going to the beach some time. There are some really good concerts for free on the beach, lots of foreigners, maybe take a friend or something.”
“I’m sure your girlfriend,” whoever she may be this week, “would love that. Very romantic.” Daesung says and takes a spoon of ice cream to cover the distaste he feels to even say that. Not when Seunghyun has recently been a welcome visitor in some of Daesung’s more interesting dreams. It’s been getting better; fewer of them end with a crazed chick throwing shoes at them.
“Actually,” Seunghyun looks away when the door opens and a new customer walks in, “I was wondering if you wanted to go. We could stay for a night…I know some people who own property in Jeju-do…”
Daesung blushes and curses the broken AC unit-damn the blasted machine into hell. His body flares in the summer heat and he shakes his head, “I can’t accept…that’s a really generous offer.”
“It’s just two days and a night in Jeju,” Seunghyun starts but Daesung keeps shaking his head.
“No way. I mean it, take your girlfriend. Live the summer dream, you know, sexy volleyball games and beach sex and bikinis and whatever-” stupid stupid stupid, Daesung curses and his eyes follow the other customer helplessly, as if they could save him from speaking ever again. He’d love to go to the beach with Seunghyun but he knows what it’s like to pine after a straight man. He knows how an innocent friendship can turn ugly when that friend realizes that Daesung’s eyes sometimes linger too longingly on men’s muscles. A beach would be torture for him. A night in that summer sun would destroy this nighttime friendship.
He’s still shaking his head, aware that the customer is moving further away like a bobbing life saver escaping, and Seunghyun’s suddenly much closer than before. Suddenly, he’s touching Daesung. They both watch as Seunghyun’s long fingers capture Daesung’s in a clumsy grab for the spoon in Daesung’s hand. Daesung, startled, tries to pull away, but Seunghyun is smiling while he throws Daesung’s perspective way out of whack.
“I don’t really like bikinis,” he says quietly, “If you know what I mean.”
He just nods and the grip around his hand tightens, “Yeah. I don’t look too hot in a bikini either.”
Seunghyun laughs and relinquishes the spoon and Daesung’s hand. He picks up the ice cream, tosses a “think about it!” behind him with a wink, and leaves. Daesung watches him leave with a slightly mystified expression.
“Grandma, I’ve always wondered,” Daesung says a little mindlessly when the old woman puts the grape gum onto the counter, “Why do you buy gum if you can’t chew?”
She gives him an amused look, “You dumbass, Daesung. They’re for my grandkid. Why didn’t you ask me earlier?”
“Oh.” He snaps out of his daze and looks at the gum. She frowns at him.
“That’s the problem with you. You’ve got to stop hiding behind that counter, sometimes it looks like you’ll stay trapped there forever. How are you going to understand the world if you spend your nights in a convenience store? Make some friends, Daesung.” She clucks at him disapprovingly, takes her gum, and leaves. Daesung bows to her retreating back and feels a little like he’s finally caught that bobbing life saver. He stands behind that counter and pauses.
And then he hurtles from behind that counter with a half-empty box of plastic spoons, flips the ‘Open’ sign around, locks the shop behind him, and runs.
~
To be fair, Heetaek never made a big deal about it; he just made it very clear where he stood on that matter. But Daesung couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt him every time he had to pair up with someone who wasn’t Heetaek, that he wasn’t injured by the distant look he got from Heetaek whenever they accidently matched gazes. But Daesung went on living quietly, maybe a little less happily.
And that was probably what made Heetaek look for Daesung at the convenience store a few days after graduation. He bought a bottle of water and stared levelly at Daesung, who would have loved to just sink into the ground and never come back up again. The earth had various layers of boiling rock, any of which would be slightly less painful than right now. But then Heetaek shakes his head, almost regretfully.
“If it’s because of me that you’re not smiling anymore, then I regret we were ever friends.” Heetaek says gruffly, “You deserve to be happy, Daesung-sshi. Someone will make you smile again.”
When Heetaek leaves, Daesung cancels the date he had for later that night. Then he calls up his boss and tells him that he wants to work nights after all.
~
Seunghyun thought he was about to get mugged, but it turns out that convenience store boy just wants to throw things at him. First it’s a box of plastic spoons that hits his back and falls, and then Daesung throws himself at him and Seunghyun makes sure he catches.
Seunghyun’s never imagined a kiss could feel like this, like as if your chest has decided to detach itself and just run away. His hands don’t know what to do; they’re smoothing over Daesung’s face, clenching shoulders, or just twitching stupidly. He doesn’t even remember how to do it and it’s awkward as hell, but Daesung’s just licked his lower lip and is slowly teaching Seunghyun how to kiss again. Seunghyun remembers, tilts Daesung’s chin just so, and lets electric shivers pass through them.
Just when Seunghyun was starting to get some really interesting reactions from Daesung, the younger boy steps away. He was about to protest but Daesung’s crescent eyes are glaring at him in a less-than-romantic way. He cowers in anticipation.
“Who were all of those condoms for? How many of your insatiable girlfriends were real? Why did you lie to me?” he demands. Seunghyun makes a face. Busted.
“I have this, um, underage friend who won’t keep himself in his pants, so we agreed that I’d buy him condoms if he stopped going after married women. I didn’t really keep any of them,” Seunghyun explains a little sheepishly and watches as Daesung flushes with embarrassment and anger, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to lie to you, but it was hilarious when we joked about it the first few times!”
“You still lied to me,” Daesung accuses Seunghyun and the older boy stares on helplessly. Finally he throws his hands up in the air.
“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” he clutches Daesung’s arms, “I promise I’ll make it up to you somehow, okay?”
Daesung is still flushed red and Seunghyun can see the easing of the anger in those eyes, “How?”
Seunghyun leans in and noses Daesung for a soft kiss. Daesung is warm under his fingers, “I’ll think of something.”
~
Seunghyun’s friend owns a great property of Jeju-do. It feels a little…well…sketchy, since the government would probably want such a great stretch of beach for public use, but neither of the boys have the desire to investigate or complain.
In fact, neither of them have anything to complain about, except that maybe night time has never come so slowly for them. The waves are breaking in less violently than high noon, the water is equally cool and warm as beach water is wont to be, and they’re both lying in the sun as if the beach was made for them to laze on.
But then a wet, sandy hand slowly burrows into the sand. It sifts through the warm sand until it’s underneath the other boy’s hand and then it rises to the surface, clasps Daesung’s in his. And no, night has never come slower. Not when Seunghyun keeps reminding Daesung of raspberry ice cream (no longer quite so distasteful) back in their room, and Daesung remembers the box of condoms he brought (just in case, of course).