Newsanchor Awards
For those of you who do know, which is none of you, I hate watching
music videos in the morning when I get ready. So, instead, I watch the
news. Usually I watch local news to get a bit of everything in my news,
as opposed to being bored out of my skull with the likes of CNN and
FOXnews. If any of you DO actually watch the news, you know that not
everystation is the same. By far Ch 10 is the craziest. It looks almost
like a slight variation of Newsome's morning show, except with annoying
video shots of Tampa Bay sunsets and some dude with suspenders.
My personal choice is FOX13, but I'll settle for the drably repetitive Bay News 9. Lately, one anchor on FOX13 has been bugging me to death. Everyday she never fails to get more and more...lame. She always has a joke killer or some stupid one-liner hidden up her tailored-jacket sleeves that surely has set back the white race about 10 years in cool points. Excuse me, 10 years each comment.
Yes, she has replaced the ever-perky Jen Halloway from Baynews 9 for my "most hated" anchor award.
Jen Halloway was known as the pro at the Rainbow Game in Middle-School parties.
Who is this woman? Why, it's Anne Dwyer.
Anne poses in a coy pose for the paint shop pro drugged photographer.
Let me tell you a bit about Anne. Anne graduated from Illinois or something like that. Apparently she's won an Emmy...I checked. But how she could have among her sloppy anchoring is way beyond me. Adding quirky one-liners such as "I guess they won't make the tardy bell!" after a school bus loaded with elementary school children slams into a brick building does NOT qualify as effective journalism.
She also almost never knows whats going on. When it was announced that the Rolling Stones (the f'ing Stones) were back on tour in April/May, she had the nerve to question who they were and what their biggest hit was. Sad thing was, she had no clue. I suppose the cue cards didn't fill her in on that they are one of the biggest bands in musical history. Anne also almost never knows the word of the day. Usually she stutters on it or has awkard silences with her co-anchor about what it means, followed by some gutteral "huh's" and "Hmm! Never would've thought's!" Akward silences fill most of her space between stories or segments, leaving the viewer to say "hurry the hell up, Timmy's screaming about Jane slipping cyanide in his chocolate milk and I gotta be at work in 15 minutes!"
But the thing I hate most about Mrs. Dwyer is how utterly naive she is and dare I say it? Dumb as a rock. Take today's story, for instance. A catholic school up north cancelled prom because the administration "knew" that the kids at the school would be having, apparently, abundant orgies copious with drugs at after parties. Really, I don't see why this is a big issue seeing as if it's off school property, then they have no business in it. This school also made a group of seniors in 2004 cancel their plans of renting out a $20,000 house in the Hamptons for an afterparty.
Cut back to Anne. She's in HORROR that drugs are around. Apparently no one has told her that these aren't the years of her sweet and lovely 50's/60's in innocence. Instead of adding additional information, she added instead an awkward silence and then dialogue of this magnitude:
Anne: "That's just crazy!"
Co-Anch: "What happened to the good-old days?"
Anne: "When I was young, the biggest event was getting the corsage and MAYBE, just MAYBE making out in the backseat!"
The studio goes silent and some stage managers in the background are laughing at her and poking fun.
That's right, Anne. You go make out in the back seat of your daddy's '62 station wagon. Just make sure you stick to the cue cards, okay?
My personal choice is FOX13, but I'll settle for the drably repetitive Bay News 9. Lately, one anchor on FOX13 has been bugging me to death. Everyday she never fails to get more and more...lame. She always has a joke killer or some stupid one-liner hidden up her tailored-jacket sleeves that surely has set back the white race about 10 years in cool points. Excuse me, 10 years each comment.
Yes, she has replaced the ever-perky Jen Halloway from Baynews 9 for my "most hated" anchor award.
Jen Halloway was known as the pro at the Rainbow Game in Middle-School parties.
Who is this woman? Why, it's Anne Dwyer.
Anne poses in a coy pose for the paint shop pro drugged photographer.
Let me tell you a bit about Anne. Anne graduated from Illinois or something like that. Apparently she's won an Emmy...I checked. But how she could have among her sloppy anchoring is way beyond me. Adding quirky one-liners such as "I guess they won't make the tardy bell!" after a school bus loaded with elementary school children slams into a brick building does NOT qualify as effective journalism.
She also almost never knows whats going on. When it was announced that the Rolling Stones (the f'ing Stones) were back on tour in April/May, she had the nerve to question who they were and what their biggest hit was. Sad thing was, she had no clue. I suppose the cue cards didn't fill her in on that they are one of the biggest bands in musical history. Anne also almost never knows the word of the day. Usually she stutters on it or has awkard silences with her co-anchor about what it means, followed by some gutteral "huh's" and "Hmm! Never would've thought's!" Akward silences fill most of her space between stories or segments, leaving the viewer to say "hurry the hell up, Timmy's screaming about Jane slipping cyanide in his chocolate milk and I gotta be at work in 15 minutes!"
But the thing I hate most about Mrs. Dwyer is how utterly naive she is and dare I say it? Dumb as a rock. Take today's story, for instance. A catholic school up north cancelled prom because the administration "knew" that the kids at the school would be having, apparently, abundant orgies copious with drugs at after parties. Really, I don't see why this is a big issue seeing as if it's off school property, then they have no business in it. This school also made a group of seniors in 2004 cancel their plans of renting out a $20,000 house in the Hamptons for an afterparty.
Cut back to Anne. She's in HORROR that drugs are around. Apparently no one has told her that these aren't the years of her sweet and lovely 50's/60's in innocence. Instead of adding additional information, she added instead an awkward silence and then dialogue of this magnitude:
Anne: "That's just crazy!"
Co-Anch: "What happened to the good-old days?"
Anne: "When I was young, the biggest event was getting the corsage and MAYBE, just MAYBE making out in the backseat!"
The studio goes silent and some stage managers in the background are laughing at her and poking fun.
That's right, Anne. You go make out in the back seat of your daddy's '62 station wagon. Just make sure you stick to the cue cards, okay?