fic: Twist in My Reality [G] p6/? TW/H2G2 xover
Ianto glanced at the door, half expecting Jack to reappear. When he didn’t he relaxed back into the cushions of the sofa with a private smile. Arthur indicated the door with his head.
“He won’t come back until it’s time to go. Jack learned to let me have my little bits of earth here in peace without much protest, unlike Ford and Zaphod. Now...” Arthur glanced around, eyes narrowed, for a moment. Ianto wondered just what the hell he was looking for, even as he gratefully sipped his tea. “You know what we really need?” Ianto shook his head, he still had a mouthful of tea and there was no way he wanted to choke.
“Scones. Scones and Jam and Cream. A proper Afternoon Tea. Custard creams are all very well, but you can’t compete with scones. You do like scones, don’t you, Ianto?”
“Oh yes, especially if they’re still warm.”
“What kind of jam?”
“Strawberry or blackcurrant.”
“Won’t be long...” Arthur disappeared out of the door while Ianto stared after him. He was starting to find even the earthy normality of Arthur a bit bizarre, which was possibly because a conversation about afternoon tea was not what you expected to have on a spaceship. Ianto chuckled softly to himself; nothing that had happened today was what he would have expected from a spaceship, he supposed he’d watched too much Star Trek when he was younger. His thoughts were disturbed by Arthur returning, another tray in hand. The tray was placed on the table next to the teapot and revealed a plate of scones, with doily, and small pots of butter, jam and cream. Arthur sat back down and helped himself to a small plate, a scone and all the trimmings. He took one bite and smiled. “Perfect.” He indicated that Ianto should join him. With a thought of ‘here goes nothing’ Ianto acquiesced. “So?” asked Arthur, halfway through Ianto’s first scone.
“Mmm.” Ianto replied. The scones were the best he’d had in some time, and there was no way he was going to be distracted from paying full attention to them. They participated in the ritual of Afternoon Tea in companionable silence until the scones had vanished and the tea had stewed in the pot. Ianto felt much more relaxed, which he presumed was Jack’s idea behind bringing him here. The thought of Jack jolted him back to reality and he checked his watch.
“They won’t forget, but they’re probably busy right now. Trillian will be holding the fort, she usually does. We’ll soon have you back where you belong, don’t worry.”
“You know, I should be feeling more enthusiastic about all of this.” Ianto indicated the rest of the Heart of Gold with a broad gesture, “I work with alien artefacts as part of my job, being on one should be like a dream come true.”
“Instead of it being disturbing?”
“Something like that.”
“It’s probably due to the fact you weren’t expecting it. I didn’t even know Aliens existed when I first ended up here. It was an...education.” Arthur’s smile looked a little twisted to Ianto, as if those memories weren’t exactly welcome.
“I’ll just bet it was. How did you end up here anyway?”
“Ford. That’s not his real name, it’s the one he used on earth to help him fit in; he didn’t quite manage to pull it off. He got used to it over the years though, so he kept using it. He’s a hitchhiker, and dragged me with him one time. We ended up on a ship full of your typical slimy green aliens, who spaced us after torturing us with their poetry. Heart of Gold picked us up; possibly the most improbable thing that could have happened.”
“You should write a book.” Ianto regarded Arthur thoughtfully. Arthur shook his head.
“Someone did, in another universe. I wouldn’t dare to try, it’d probably end up like whiny teenage poetry. I’ve already written that once, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience for anyone.”
“Unless you’re a literary genius, teenage poetry rarely is.” They shared a laugh.
“Ianto Jones, you’re very good to talk to. The others just don’t understand sometimes; Ford and Zaphod find me incomprehensible more often than not and I think Trillian was born with her head in the stars. Do you think Jack would mind if I visited?” Arthur looked wistful, and Ianto felt rather sorry for him.
“I’m sure he wouldn’t. I’ll ask him. We could go and have tea in... in... Cardiff Castle.” Ianto was rather pleased with his suggestion, even more so when it produced a smile that lit Arthur’s face.
“Afternoon Tea in a real castle? I’d love that.”
“Then I’ll just have to make sure I ask, won’t I. I’d like to see you again, and I’m sure Jack would, especially if he isn’t being distracted by 3 armed aliens from planet Zog.”
“Betelgeuse.”
“Pardon?” Ianto was somewhat bemused by Arthur’s interruption and the change in pace of the conversation.
“Betelgeuse. Zaphod is from Betelgeuse, and so is Ford. Though Zog’s not a bad place, actually. They have tea.”
“Oh.” Ianto began to have the urge to hit his head against the wall, just to check he was still awake; not that he’d ever dreamt of anything quite as bizarre as the Heart of Gold and its occupants, but there was always the possibility. Afternoon Tea or not, he desperately wanted to go home and get away from the impossible reality of the situation.
“Sorry,” said Arthur, “I keep forgetting that all this is new to you; I suppose you’re still having a bit of culture shock.”
“Just a bit.” Ianto fought down the sudden compulsion to laugh like a maniac in Arthur’s face. It wouldn’t be professional for a start, and he really didn’t want Arthur to think he’d completely lost it.
“Well, there’s only one thing for it.” Arthur rubbed his hands together for a couple of seconds, as if he was pleased with a decision he’d made.
“What’s that?” Ianto asked, watching as Arthur reached out toward the table and picked up the tea-pot.
“More tea, Ianto?”
“He won’t come back until it’s time to go. Jack learned to let me have my little bits of earth here in peace without much protest, unlike Ford and Zaphod. Now...” Arthur glanced around, eyes narrowed, for a moment. Ianto wondered just what the hell he was looking for, even as he gratefully sipped his tea. “You know what we really need?” Ianto shook his head, he still had a mouthful of tea and there was no way he wanted to choke.
“Scones. Scones and Jam and Cream. A proper Afternoon Tea. Custard creams are all very well, but you can’t compete with scones. You do like scones, don’t you, Ianto?”
“Oh yes, especially if they’re still warm.”
“What kind of jam?”
“Strawberry or blackcurrant.”
“Won’t be long...” Arthur disappeared out of the door while Ianto stared after him. He was starting to find even the earthy normality of Arthur a bit bizarre, which was possibly because a conversation about afternoon tea was not what you expected to have on a spaceship. Ianto chuckled softly to himself; nothing that had happened today was what he would have expected from a spaceship, he supposed he’d watched too much Star Trek when he was younger. His thoughts were disturbed by Arthur returning, another tray in hand. The tray was placed on the table next to the teapot and revealed a plate of scones, with doily, and small pots of butter, jam and cream. Arthur sat back down and helped himself to a small plate, a scone and all the trimmings. He took one bite and smiled. “Perfect.” He indicated that Ianto should join him. With a thought of ‘here goes nothing’ Ianto acquiesced. “So?” asked Arthur, halfway through Ianto’s first scone.
“Mmm.” Ianto replied. The scones were the best he’d had in some time, and there was no way he was going to be distracted from paying full attention to them. They participated in the ritual of Afternoon Tea in companionable silence until the scones had vanished and the tea had stewed in the pot. Ianto felt much more relaxed, which he presumed was Jack’s idea behind bringing him here. The thought of Jack jolted him back to reality and he checked his watch.
“They won’t forget, but they’re probably busy right now. Trillian will be holding the fort, she usually does. We’ll soon have you back where you belong, don’t worry.”
“You know, I should be feeling more enthusiastic about all of this.” Ianto indicated the rest of the Heart of Gold with a broad gesture, “I work with alien artefacts as part of my job, being on one should be like a dream come true.”
“Instead of it being disturbing?”
“Something like that.”
“It’s probably due to the fact you weren’t expecting it. I didn’t even know Aliens existed when I first ended up here. It was an...education.” Arthur’s smile looked a little twisted to Ianto, as if those memories weren’t exactly welcome.
“I’ll just bet it was. How did you end up here anyway?”
“Ford. That’s not his real name, it’s the one he used on earth to help him fit in; he didn’t quite manage to pull it off. He got used to it over the years though, so he kept using it. He’s a hitchhiker, and dragged me with him one time. We ended up on a ship full of your typical slimy green aliens, who spaced us after torturing us with their poetry. Heart of Gold picked us up; possibly the most improbable thing that could have happened.”
“You should write a book.” Ianto regarded Arthur thoughtfully. Arthur shook his head.
“Someone did, in another universe. I wouldn’t dare to try, it’d probably end up like whiny teenage poetry. I’ve already written that once, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience for anyone.”
“Unless you’re a literary genius, teenage poetry rarely is.” They shared a laugh.
“Ianto Jones, you’re very good to talk to. The others just don’t understand sometimes; Ford and Zaphod find me incomprehensible more often than not and I think Trillian was born with her head in the stars. Do you think Jack would mind if I visited?” Arthur looked wistful, and Ianto felt rather sorry for him.
“I’m sure he wouldn’t. I’ll ask him. We could go and have tea in... in... Cardiff Castle.” Ianto was rather pleased with his suggestion, even more so when it produced a smile that lit Arthur’s face.
“Afternoon Tea in a real castle? I’d love that.”
“Then I’ll just have to make sure I ask, won’t I. I’d like to see you again, and I’m sure Jack would, especially if he isn’t being distracted by 3 armed aliens from planet Zog.”
“Betelgeuse.”
“Pardon?” Ianto was somewhat bemused by Arthur’s interruption and the change in pace of the conversation.
“Betelgeuse. Zaphod is from Betelgeuse, and so is Ford. Though Zog’s not a bad place, actually. They have tea.”
“Oh.” Ianto began to have the urge to hit his head against the wall, just to check he was still awake; not that he’d ever dreamt of anything quite as bizarre as the Heart of Gold and its occupants, but there was always the possibility. Afternoon Tea or not, he desperately wanted to go home and get away from the impossible reality of the situation.
“Sorry,” said Arthur, “I keep forgetting that all this is new to you; I suppose you’re still having a bit of culture shock.”
“Just a bit.” Ianto fought down the sudden compulsion to laugh like a maniac in Arthur’s face. It wouldn’t be professional for a start, and he really didn’t want Arthur to think he’d completely lost it.
“Well, there’s only one thing for it.” Arthur rubbed his hands together for a couple of seconds, as if he was pleased with a decision he’d made.
“What’s that?” Ianto asked, watching as Arthur reached out toward the table and picked up the tea-pot.
“More tea, Ianto?”