fic: Twist in My Reality [G] p5/? TW/H2G2 xover
Jack stopped at door that looked just the same as any of the others on the curving corridor, but by the smile on his face as he pressed an ear to it, it obviously hid something pleasant to him at least. Ianto shuddered slightly, he really didn’t feel up to having a door singing the hallelujah chorus at him but at this point of time being in a bedroom with Jack was better than many of the alternatives that he could think of. He was surprised when the door opened onto nothing more sinister than another short corridor, and silently at that. Jack gestured at him to follow quickly, and the door slid closed, still blessedly silent, behind him.
“What?...” Ianto got no further before Jack furiously shushed him as he listened at another door.
“Doesn’t sound like anyone’s at home; the others didn’t say. Let’s see if this place is still the same...” He took a step back with a grin at Ianto and cleared his throat, before announcing in as unaccented a voice as he could manage “Nothing beats a good cup of tea.” The door swished open and stayed there. Jack peered around it, and a grin spread across his face. “Doesn’t look like it’s changed any.” Jack held out a hand that Ianto took just because it seemed like the most sensible thing to do in this day of unreality and he found himself gently pulled into the room in front of them, which certainly wasn’t what he was expecting. He took a step further into the room and stared around him as the door silently closed. He eyed it with suspicion, still half expecting it to break into song, and glared at Jack when he heard what suspiciously sounded like a muffled giggle.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why the hell is there a place like this,” he gestured around the room that bore a distinct resemblance to his Taid’s old front parlour back in Wales, “on a spaceship? Not that I’m complaining of course.”
“Of course. As for why, you aren’t the only human who has found the Heart of Gold a little overwhelming and needed a cup of tea. Not Trillian, though; she’s a coffee drinker.”
“Then who?”
“Guy called Arthur Dent. These rooms are his, only he doesn’t appear to be home right now. The only person who will come in here apart from us is Trillian; the guys can’t say the password without laughing, so they’ve never seen beyond the outer door. She helped Arthur make the place so she’s always been allowed in if she wants to.” Jack took off his coat and hung it on the hat stand that conveniently stood by the door, before plunking himself down on the overstuffed sofa. “So, do I get a cup of tea then Ianto?”
“I didn’t know you drank tea, sir.”
“There’re a lot of things you don’t know about me.” Ianto rolled his eyes. Talk about stating the obvious. He decided to ignore Jack and pottered around in search of the tea-things, smiling as he discovered each item required to make a *proper* pot of tea. It wasn’t long before a tray with pot, tea-strainer, milk, sugar lumps (and the tongs to pick them up with), 2 china cups and saucers and a plate of biscuits appeared before Jack on the table between the sofa and the ‘fire’. Ianto sat himself down and stirred the leaves in the pot once more before placing a tea-cosy over it. He met Jack’s puzzled glance, and smiled as he began to fix 2 cups of tea the traditional way; milk, then tea via the strainer, then sugar all stirred carefully with a teaspoon that ended up back on the saucer and under no circumstances was left in the tea. He passed Jack a cup.
“I know it’s not exactly the Japanese Tea Ceremony, but there is a ritual to this. It’s kind of comforting to do it properly.” Ianto said as he picked up his own cup of tea.
“That’s what I keep telling them and they still don’t believe me.” Ianto nearly dropped his hard-won cup of tea in surprise at hearing the unknown voice, whereas Jack almost spilt his by setting it down on the table just a little too hard. “Now that’s not the proper respect a good cup of tea deserves, Jack, is it?”
“Maybe not... but...” Jack leapt off the sofa and enveloped the man in a hug, but without the back slapping he’d given Ford Prefect and Zaphod Beeblebrox. Ianto placed the man somewhere in his 40s or 50s, which would make him a contemporary of Tricia MacMillan. Unlike Trillian, he didn’t bear his years quite so easily, though Ianto suspected Trillian may have had some help with that. He was dressed in an understated pair of dark trousers, a simple white shirt and rather incongruously, a short but heavy silk dressing gown and a satchel from which Ianto could just see the corner of a towel protruding. He was really going to have to find out more about the significance of towels. Jack held the man by the shoulders and gave him a thorough inspection. “Arthur, you look well; I love the new look, very Noël Coward.”
“Flatterer; I look old. And you, you lucky sod, haven’t changed one bit. Now introduce me to your friend, who at least looks like he knows his way around a decent pot of tea.” Ianto fidgeted slightly as he put his tea down, feeling rather uncomfortable being the focus of attention when he had raided what was obviously this man’s personal place; never mind that it was at Jack’s instigation. He shuffled round to Jack’s side.
“Ianto Jones, meet Arthur Dent. The man who has single handedly brought the joys of the British cup of tea to three galaxies.”
“Four, actually.”
“Whatever.”
“Philistine.” Arthur smiled fondly as he said that and offered his hand in greeting. Ianto took the outstretched hand and shook it. Arthur’s grip was firm, but not overly so; a very English handshake indeed. “Welcome to the only refuge from insanity on the Heart of Gold, Ianto. Now is there enough tea in that pot for another cup?”
“I would have thought so. Let me go find one.” Ianto escaped into the familiar routine of being the ‘teaboy’ with more relish than he would have thought. He resolved to maybe let Owen off with calling him that in the future; here, being a teaboy was letting him cling to the shreds of his own reality rather than being a phrase used to annoy him. Once he was ensconced back on the sofa with Jack, Arthur pulled up an equally overstuffed armchair and helped himself to a biscuit.
“So just how did you end up on the Heart of Gold? We weren’t expecting anyone.” He asked. Ianto looked carefully at Jack, it was his place to explain and besides, how the hell was he supposed to explain something he didn’t understand. Jack winked at him before replying
“We happened to find a bit of sub-etha tech that I wasn’t completely familiar with. It’s similar enough to the sens-o-matic that I had a good idea we were going to end up somewhere else, but I didn’t have any idea where. Or how. It was triggered by mistake.”
“Ah.” Arthur picked up his satchel and rummaged around inside it for a moment, without removing the towel. He eventually produced a compact device the twin of the one in the Hub that had hurled Jack and Ianto onto the Heart of Gold and held it out. “Wouldn’t look like this by any chance, would it?” He asked. Jack took it carefully and gave it a good look.
“It seems identical. What exactly is it?”
“Improbability beacon; Trillian invented it, and we...ah... persuaded sub-etha to make us a certain number. It means the Heart of Gold can always find whoever activates it, no matter how improbable it is. One of them got lost in a little... ummm... altercation a while back and we never did find it again.”
“Looks like we did instead,” Jack said with a grin. “I kind of like the idea of having you lot at my beck and call.”
“You would. I don’t suppose we could have it back? It really shouldn’t be out there.”
“Much as I’d rather keep hold of it, I think I will. But you’ve got to get us back there first, preferably before anyone else in my team decides to investigate it. I don’t think it would be a good idea if Zaphod met Owen, do you Ianto?”
“Good God, no.” The thought of Owen meeting Zaphod filled Ianto with horror. “Though it’s a pity that Tosh will miss all this.”
“Just don’t mention it to them when we get back.”
“I’m not sure she’d believe me anyway.” Ianto said helplessly.
“Point.” Jack shared a quick smile with Ianto before turning his attention to Arthur. “Arthur, does the fact that we’ve got one of these beacons mean that you’ll be able to drop us off from where we were picked up?”
“Shouldn’t be a problem at all. One of us would have to come with you to bring back the other device though and I think I might be the most appropriate person for the job.”
“You’re probably right there,” Ianto commented.
“We won’t be able to head back that way for a while though, maybe an hour or so. You can go and amuse yourself, Jack, and leave me and Ianto to talk about good old boring earth. I’m sure Zaphod and Ford will be pleased to have your company without the ‘tame ape’ getting in the way. Go on, now. Shoo.” Arthur waved Jack out of the door, and Jack complied, much to Ianto’s amusement. “Now where were we, Ianto?”
“One lump or two, I think, sir.”
“What?...” Ianto got no further before Jack furiously shushed him as he listened at another door.
“Doesn’t sound like anyone’s at home; the others didn’t say. Let’s see if this place is still the same...” He took a step back with a grin at Ianto and cleared his throat, before announcing in as unaccented a voice as he could manage “Nothing beats a good cup of tea.” The door swished open and stayed there. Jack peered around it, and a grin spread across his face. “Doesn’t look like it’s changed any.” Jack held out a hand that Ianto took just because it seemed like the most sensible thing to do in this day of unreality and he found himself gently pulled into the room in front of them, which certainly wasn’t what he was expecting. He took a step further into the room and stared around him as the door silently closed. He eyed it with suspicion, still half expecting it to break into song, and glared at Jack when he heard what suspiciously sounded like a muffled giggle.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why the hell is there a place like this,” he gestured around the room that bore a distinct resemblance to his Taid’s old front parlour back in Wales, “on a spaceship? Not that I’m complaining of course.”
“Of course. As for why, you aren’t the only human who has found the Heart of Gold a little overwhelming and needed a cup of tea. Not Trillian, though; she’s a coffee drinker.”
“Then who?”
“Guy called Arthur Dent. These rooms are his, only he doesn’t appear to be home right now. The only person who will come in here apart from us is Trillian; the guys can’t say the password without laughing, so they’ve never seen beyond the outer door. She helped Arthur make the place so she’s always been allowed in if she wants to.” Jack took off his coat and hung it on the hat stand that conveniently stood by the door, before plunking himself down on the overstuffed sofa. “So, do I get a cup of tea then Ianto?”
“I didn’t know you drank tea, sir.”
“There’re a lot of things you don’t know about me.” Ianto rolled his eyes. Talk about stating the obvious. He decided to ignore Jack and pottered around in search of the tea-things, smiling as he discovered each item required to make a *proper* pot of tea. It wasn’t long before a tray with pot, tea-strainer, milk, sugar lumps (and the tongs to pick them up with), 2 china cups and saucers and a plate of biscuits appeared before Jack on the table between the sofa and the ‘fire’. Ianto sat himself down and stirred the leaves in the pot once more before placing a tea-cosy over it. He met Jack’s puzzled glance, and smiled as he began to fix 2 cups of tea the traditional way; milk, then tea via the strainer, then sugar all stirred carefully with a teaspoon that ended up back on the saucer and under no circumstances was left in the tea. He passed Jack a cup.
“I know it’s not exactly the Japanese Tea Ceremony, but there is a ritual to this. It’s kind of comforting to do it properly.” Ianto said as he picked up his own cup of tea.
“That’s what I keep telling them and they still don’t believe me.” Ianto nearly dropped his hard-won cup of tea in surprise at hearing the unknown voice, whereas Jack almost spilt his by setting it down on the table just a little too hard. “Now that’s not the proper respect a good cup of tea deserves, Jack, is it?”
“Maybe not... but...” Jack leapt off the sofa and enveloped the man in a hug, but without the back slapping he’d given Ford Prefect and Zaphod Beeblebrox. Ianto placed the man somewhere in his 40s or 50s, which would make him a contemporary of Tricia MacMillan. Unlike Trillian, he didn’t bear his years quite so easily, though Ianto suspected Trillian may have had some help with that. He was dressed in an understated pair of dark trousers, a simple white shirt and rather incongruously, a short but heavy silk dressing gown and a satchel from which Ianto could just see the corner of a towel protruding. He was really going to have to find out more about the significance of towels. Jack held the man by the shoulders and gave him a thorough inspection. “Arthur, you look well; I love the new look, very Noël Coward.”
“Flatterer; I look old. And you, you lucky sod, haven’t changed one bit. Now introduce me to your friend, who at least looks like he knows his way around a decent pot of tea.” Ianto fidgeted slightly as he put his tea down, feeling rather uncomfortable being the focus of attention when he had raided what was obviously this man’s personal place; never mind that it was at Jack’s instigation. He shuffled round to Jack’s side.
“Ianto Jones, meet Arthur Dent. The man who has single handedly brought the joys of the British cup of tea to three galaxies.”
“Four, actually.”
“Whatever.”
“Philistine.” Arthur smiled fondly as he said that and offered his hand in greeting. Ianto took the outstretched hand and shook it. Arthur’s grip was firm, but not overly so; a very English handshake indeed. “Welcome to the only refuge from insanity on the Heart of Gold, Ianto. Now is there enough tea in that pot for another cup?”
“I would have thought so. Let me go find one.” Ianto escaped into the familiar routine of being the ‘teaboy’ with more relish than he would have thought. He resolved to maybe let Owen off with calling him that in the future; here, being a teaboy was letting him cling to the shreds of his own reality rather than being a phrase used to annoy him. Once he was ensconced back on the sofa with Jack, Arthur pulled up an equally overstuffed armchair and helped himself to a biscuit.
“So just how did you end up on the Heart of Gold? We weren’t expecting anyone.” He asked. Ianto looked carefully at Jack, it was his place to explain and besides, how the hell was he supposed to explain something he didn’t understand. Jack winked at him before replying
“We happened to find a bit of sub-etha tech that I wasn’t completely familiar with. It’s similar enough to the sens-o-matic that I had a good idea we were going to end up somewhere else, but I didn’t have any idea where. Or how. It was triggered by mistake.”
“Ah.” Arthur picked up his satchel and rummaged around inside it for a moment, without removing the towel. He eventually produced a compact device the twin of the one in the Hub that had hurled Jack and Ianto onto the Heart of Gold and held it out. “Wouldn’t look like this by any chance, would it?” He asked. Jack took it carefully and gave it a good look.
“It seems identical. What exactly is it?”
“Improbability beacon; Trillian invented it, and we...ah... persuaded sub-etha to make us a certain number. It means the Heart of Gold can always find whoever activates it, no matter how improbable it is. One of them got lost in a little... ummm... altercation a while back and we never did find it again.”
“Looks like we did instead,” Jack said with a grin. “I kind of like the idea of having you lot at my beck and call.”
“You would. I don’t suppose we could have it back? It really shouldn’t be out there.”
“Much as I’d rather keep hold of it, I think I will. But you’ve got to get us back there first, preferably before anyone else in my team decides to investigate it. I don’t think it would be a good idea if Zaphod met Owen, do you Ianto?”
“Good God, no.” The thought of Owen meeting Zaphod filled Ianto with horror. “Though it’s a pity that Tosh will miss all this.”
“Just don’t mention it to them when we get back.”
“I’m not sure she’d believe me anyway.” Ianto said helplessly.
“Point.” Jack shared a quick smile with Ianto before turning his attention to Arthur. “Arthur, does the fact that we’ve got one of these beacons mean that you’ll be able to drop us off from where we were picked up?”
“Shouldn’t be a problem at all. One of us would have to come with you to bring back the other device though and I think I might be the most appropriate person for the job.”
“You’re probably right there,” Ianto commented.
“We won’t be able to head back that way for a while though, maybe an hour or so. You can go and amuse yourself, Jack, and leave me and Ianto to talk about good old boring earth. I’m sure Zaphod and Ford will be pleased to have your company without the ‘tame ape’ getting in the way. Go on, now. Shoo.” Arthur waved Jack out of the door, and Jack complied, much to Ianto’s amusement. “Now where were we, Ianto?”
“One lump or two, I think, sir.”